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Moderate Drinker or Functional Alcoholic?

Old 04-25-2014, 10:15 AM
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Moderate Drinker or Functional Alcoholic?

I never thought I had a problem with drinking even though I have drank almost every day since I was a young man. I will be 56 at the end of the month. From 18 to 40 I also smoked pot every day. I gotmarried at 37 and was able to hide the pot for awhile. My wife caught me smoking at home and said it was her or the weed. I missed. the weedfor awhile but have not touched it since.

My wife drank a little so moderate drinking was alright with her. For the last couple of years my wife started complaining that I was drinking too much. I didn't see it that way. My wife wanted me to drink less And skip some days. I didn't like that idea. Drinking was my reward after a hard days work. I didn't drink excessively anyway. She says my personality changed for the worse when I had been drinking.

My habit had been to start the evening with one Lagunitas Maximus, a 10.5% alcohol craft beer. Then I would drink 4 to 6 six ounce glasses of red wine. I never felt intoxicated. I currently weigh 258 lbs and stand 5 ' 10". I think my ideal weight would be about 175.

I polished off a whole bottle of wine on Sunday along with one Maximus. My wife called me on Monday and told me to do what I had to do and she would do what she had to do. I called her back later and told her I would not drink anything until the end of the month.

I felt a little strange on Tuesday, and progressively clearer Wednesday and Thursday. I am feeling good today. I have told my wife it is my intention to not drink again. She is being very supportive.

I am finding it pretty easy to not take that first drink in the evening. I think my biggest problem would be to not take the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th drinks.

I hope that I can continue to abstain. I hope that I can lose some weight also.
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Old 04-25-2014, 10:21 AM
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Welcome, vf1981, to SR. There are many benefits to sobriety, not just abstinence from the empty calories that come from alcohol consumption.

Glad you found SR; it is a great site for support, encouragement and information.
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Old 04-25-2014, 11:24 AM
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Welcome to the Forum!!

Not being able to stop drinking after the first drink is the issue for most that have a problem, it's not about volume of alcohol, it's more to do with the lose of control after the first drink.

Personally I needed to abstain and not have that first drink to be able to get a handle on my drinking!!

You'll find loads of support here, great to have you onboard!!
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Old 04-25-2014, 11:24 AM
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what's upsetting your wife? sounds like you aren't in touch wit yourself when you get drunk every night....

only you can say if you are an alcoholic or not!
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Old 04-25-2014, 11:43 AM
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My wife says when I am drinking that I am not available to the family. These past three nights I have watched television with my 15 year old son in the family room instead of drinking in the living room.
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Old 04-25-2014, 11:51 AM
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My drinking was both isolating and alienating, at times. Your wife probably has a good point.
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Old 04-25-2014, 11:52 AM
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Originally Posted by vf1891 View Post
My wife says when I am drinking that I am not available to the family. These past three nights I have watched television with my 15 year old son in the family room instead of drinking in the living room.
One of the biggest reasons for me finally getting serous about sobriety was just that - I didn't realize how much time i was wasting on simply drinking and not being a good father. Falling asleep while trying to read a book, running out to buy more beer, sneaking out to the garage to have a beer and "relax"...etc,, All little things ( or so it seemed ) but they really add up. For me things took a dramatic turn towards the end where I NEEDED to drink just to feel normal though - that scared the crap out of me. I think you are making a very wise decision to try this now and you may find that regardless of your alcohlism or not, being sober is a good thing. Stick around and read - there is a wealth of information here.
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Old 04-25-2014, 12:13 PM
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It does take up a lot of time for drinking and keeping alcohol in stock. I had switched to box wine for economy's sake. The high alcohol craft beer allowed a more efficient buzz. I would have to purchase alcohol 2-3 times a week.

My 15 year old has started to think drinking is cool. He has not said anything about me not drinking. I wonder if he has noticed.
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Old 04-25-2014, 12:44 PM
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Originally Posted by vf1891 View Post
It does take up a lot of time for drinking and keeping alcohol in stock. I had switched to box wine for economy's sake. The high alcohol craft beer allowed a more efficient buzz. I would have to purchase alcohol 2-3 times a week.

My 15 year old has started to think drinking is cool. He has not said anything about me not drinking. I wonder if he has noticed.
Planning your drinking to get a more efficient "buzz" is definitely a red flag too just in case you hadn't figured that out already.

Regarding your kids, they notice everything - and they know a LOT more than we ever give them credit for. By 15 I was already hitting drinking parties after football games, before dances at school, etc. If alcohol is "cool" around the house ( which it definitely was when I was growing up ), it's going to be cool anywhere. I'm not suggesting your kids can't make their own choices or that my dad drinking caused me to become an alcoholic, but it's pretty hard to tell someone they shoudln't be drinking when you have a beer in your hand, right?
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Old 04-25-2014, 01:03 PM
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI View Post
Planning your drinking to get a more efficient "buzz" is definitely a red flag too just in case you hadn't figured that out already.

Regarding your kids, they notice everything - and they know a LOT more than we ever give them credit for. By 15 I was already hitting drinking parties after football games, before dances at school, etc. If alcohol is "cool" around the house ( which it definitely was when I was growing up ), it's going to be cool anywhere. I'm not suggesting your kids can't make their own choices or that my dad drinking caused me to become an alcoholic, but it's pretty hard to tell someone they shoudln't be drinking when you have a beer in your hand, right?
So very true. Kids miss very little of what goes on in the home. Drinking was an accepted part of my family; in fact, I was handed my first drink (hard liquor) by my father when I was, coincidentally, 15.
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Old 04-25-2014, 01:12 PM
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vf, I relate to your wanting to know more and asking questions. I think it's a great place to start .
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Old 04-25-2014, 01:18 PM
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I have stayed clear of all labelling of myself. I started off giving sobriety "a fair and honest try" to compare it to my life of drinking. (about 27 years of regular drinking). Almost seven sober months later, I do not see any benefits to going back to drinking. Sobriety is wonderful for anybody (alcoholic or not). You won't regret giving it a fair, honest shot.
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Old 04-25-2014, 01:54 PM
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I was afraid I would not be able to sleep. I use a CPAP machine when I sleep. I may actually be sleeping better. I seem to be dreaming more.
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Old 04-25-2014, 03:25 PM
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yeah, it's a known fact that alcohol impairs the ability to obtain deep REM sleep. that's why most people feel like crap even after sleeping, (when they sleep drunk that is).
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Old 04-25-2014, 04:53 PM
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Some great advice here.
I've never regretted getting sober - I didn't realise how 20 years of drinking had robbed me of who I really was.

It was nice to get 'me' back

Welcome to SR vf1981

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Old 04-25-2014, 05:04 PM
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I feel your concern. Before I checked into a treatment clinic I took a test and answered the questions honestly. They asked how much and how often I drank, family history, when did I get started, was usage rising over the years, etc. etc. etc. It was pretty complete. The counselor read the results in a dispassionate way and concluded I was addicted to alcohol and recommended treatment. Maybe you should get a check. They are usually free of charge.
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Old 04-25-2014, 06:10 PM
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My wife is bringing my son and his friends back from having Pizza. One or more of the boys will be spending the night. I am about to cook myself a steak. Of course a steak is a big time cue for red wine for me. I drank while I cooked, while I ate and until I passed out in my chair with a crick in my neck. I am not going to drink tonight though.
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Old 04-25-2014, 06:44 PM
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Welcome to SR! I've been sober over four years now and don't miss drinking one bit. I've never felt better.
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Old 04-25-2014, 06:53 PM
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Originally Posted by vf1891 View Post
My wife is bringing my son and his friends back from having Pizza. One or more of the boys will be spending the night. I am about to cook myself a steak. Of course a steak is a big time cue for red wine for me. I drank while I cooked, while I ate and until I passed out in my chair with a crick in my neck. I am not going to drink tonight though.
Good, vf. You will not regret not drinking tonight!

And to comment on an issue you mentioned earlier, yes, your son notices. I stopped drinking eight months ago. About a month ago I asked my oldest, who is 17, if she has noticed any changes in me since I stopped. Her answer: "you are more present. You don't fall asleep as much. You seem more interested in us (her and her siblings)." I expected something like, "well, you don't always have a glass of wine in your hand after 5 p.m." or "you don't repeat yourself or slur your words". And as I thought about it, her answer was more valuable to me than any "visible" signs.

Good luck and keep checking in!
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Old 04-27-2014, 06:42 AM
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I really don't think my son has noticed. Last night I stayed up late with him watching two John Wayne movies, North to Alaska and Fort Apache. He has not said a word. I am not going to bring it up until I reach a more significant milestone like at one month. My wife, though, is really happy about it.

I have lots of liquor and wine on the premises. I have not felt compelled to drink any as yet.

I do notice advertising and magazine articles more and more concerning wine pairings, beer and wine festivals, cocktails, etc. I wonder what the percentage of the population can have just a drink or two and let it go at that. I could always stop at one or two when I had to drive but I would have some more when I got home.
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