Aiko

First thing today a message of a friend threatening me that I was going to kill myself and was going to talk to my family!!!!

Later he gave me such a telling off on the phone I had to take the phone of my ear..... but I convinced him that I was going to NA! it took him 12 hours to stop being angry with me...

He took me to NA...
but I turner up stoned 3 sedatives + 2 strong benzo + antidepressant.
But started to wear off and was just thinking to get out to take more... so as soon as I parked the car... another 3 sedatives + 1 benzo...
My driving is dangerous now... I am finding difficult to read right now

they welcome me and I listen to each of them,
I could relate completely...

But I just could not say... I am an ADDICT,...
I do not know why I can not actually say it out loud.

they say I need to come along at many meetings as I can right now.
and many are in my city so not happy about it...
And I must NOT stop pills abruptly.
And my plan was stop in one go....... I got a week off work for it!

I am going to the drugs centre tomorrow morning after 2 weeks,
and I have to be honest and ask the doc how can I come off safely!
the problem is I can not control the intake so I will have to find someone in NA to help me with the reduction of pills... I abuse of all I get hold off!
And I will go to a meeting in another city tomorrow and I know I will turn up again drugged...

Every time I have a relapse is worse... I do not know how I am going to stop!
My head just wants more... Is never enough

So I will try to get clean an maybe my head reboots!!!!

Thank you for all your support bit time....
Lost os love,
Aiko

jdooner

A step in the right direction....I think rehab with proper detox would be safer and more effective. However, I realize baby steps here. So good for you.

Perhaps you cannot admit your an addict because deep down you don't want to quit?

Aiko

yoU ARE RIGHT..... i WANT MORE.........................
BUT i NEED TO GET CLEAN....
MY HEAD IS GOING....
I am really stoned now....I mean it...

IF I can not doit....willhvetothink plan C...reahab....

BIG KISS,
AIKO...

Dee74

I hope you can find clean and sober people at NA to help Aiko

D

SoberLeigh

Wishing the very best for you, Aiko. Hope that the dpc can help you to detox; if you have time off from work, maybe a detox center???

oak

Glad you went to NA and could relate to the people there. It does get so much easier.

Be careful with withdrawal. take good care of yourself.

Aiko

Today I when to the drug centre and they convinced me to get into rehab.
They think I can not do alone, and If the police caught me driving I had it...

So I thought ok I am desperate I do not mind pay private will do it...
But they f********** me off so much........................ unbelievable!
As though I thought I was going to a f+++++ SPA they talk to me.
I could actually go to a real SPA

So I am cancelling it big time!!!
They rather week days.......
Unless I am suicidal then they do not take on weekends....
Short stuff... so I said ok monday morning....

But I cool down and I will do it alone!!!
I done it before I do it again!!!
Back to square one!
But have to through away the benzo.................
And do it alone...
I got my mild medication I take that and try to stick to it!
But I do not know when I am going to statrit. it.......

I just taken again a couple and I am getting gone right now...is hitting me know...I can feel it now full l¡blow......and am getting stoned again...
I am falling again... tomorrow when I am freash i have to rethink my options"
andmaybe turn up in NA, but is not nice to turn up drugged...
Will find asolutionw I am too stoned...
I can not rw¡¡write anym ore...tomorrow fresh I will think about it sober...
çBig hub,
Aiko