SolitaryThinker

I have been trying so so hard to keep it together today and I'm failing miserably. I'm afraid I'm extremely close to throwing 2 weeks of hard work down the drain. I can't focus or concentrate enough to read or help myself in any way right now. I'm really really struggling, all I feel like I do is complain but I really can't focus on much of anything other then my sadness and not drinking. No matter what I try it's all I can think about. This stinks

Raider

Isn't it 9pm? Go to bed. Eat something. Something sweet. Text a bud. Watch a movie. Go for a walk. Read your Bible. Take the dog out. Change the bed. Watch American Idol, it starts in 2 minutes.
Need more?

Leana

I agree with you, it sucks. For me the first few weeks were definitely the toughest. Just keep in mind that it does get better, it really does. But I think you need someone more qualified than myself to talk to. Do you have a therapist or the ability to get one?

Amazingglazier

Think of what a photo of you would have looked like 2 weeks ago after your last drunk?

SolitaryThinker

im working

Karma2014

It's going to get better Solitary. Day by day it will get better. Think about not throwing away the last two hard weeks. Picking up again will only make it worse the next time you decide to quit again.

I'm going on 9 months now. For me the first month was rough. I too could not focus enough to read or even watch TV. I was having physical problems, dizziness, unsteady on my feet. Not being able to sleep. Lack of appetite.

But it passed and I don't ever want to go through detox again. I fear what just one drink will do to me. And that fear keeps me sober.

Hang in there. Keep posting.

SolitaryThinker

yea I need a therapist I'm having a hard time getting a decent one to work with my insurance. I have been off the books for several years so hve no actual proof of income

SolitaryThinker

I know your right, I'm trying to take the easy way out. I'm in a lot of emotional pain tonight

Mountainmanbob

we need to come to a point in time where we are convinced that drinking will never make things better

all that we need to do is take a good honest look at our past

comingoutsober

Alcohol affects everybody differently. For me it ranges from extreme depression to extreme anxiety. Alcohol really messes with the limbic system and the mid brain so after awhile, we feel emotionally dependent on it because we have built a tolerance. And from what I've read the recovery period after quitting can be difficult because it is the brain readjusting to living normally.

HOWEVER, it is my belief that there is a difference between the brain and the mind. The mind has control over the brain; we have control over our emotions if we choose to. It may not be your cup of tea, but I have found meditation to be profoundly useful (try reading Hurry Up and Meditate by David Michie. There is no religious slant to it but more so a philosophical approach to mindfulness.

But the one bit of advice I can give now is that outside stimuli and occurrences don't dictate our response to them, we have control over that. My favorite analogy is when you apply heat to water, it boils and you get steam; that is fact. But what about when two people experience a rainstorm or a Classical music concert. One may enjoy the pitter patter of rain drops while the other hates the gloom. One may love the music while the other can't stand it.

My point is there is no constant thing or event that cultivates the same response in everybody. So logically, we are in charge of how we choose to handle life's hardships or life's joys; we control how we emote and how we respond to events. It's all about cultivating mindfulness in ourselves whether through meditation or simply (but not easily) always staying within the moment and being aware of how we react. From there, anything is possible.

Sorry for the essay, but hopefully you got something out of it. feel free to PM me if you'd like.

Nick

LadyinBC

I know for me I went thru the grieving process when I got rid of the alcohol. It really was like losing my best friend. Extreme sadness is one of the stages.

These feelings will pass. They really will, just hang on and get thru it even if it is a minute at a time.

If I can get thru it, so can you.

SolitaryThinker

Yes this is exactly how I feel. The free time i do have to myself that should be used to do these things (read, meditate, movie watching, snacking etc.) is nothing more then a depressed frenzy of thoughts and emotions, and ends up being even more frustrating and depressing, cause I see everyone else here using methods to fix themselvs and for me, focusing on a 27 min tv show or simply making myself a sandwitch is next to impossable, so keeping an attention span to actually absorb some information is crazy. All these people here may as well be talking to a sad depressed wall in a way, if that makes any sense. It's really frustrating and discouraging. I don't want to drink, but I don't want to feel this way either.

SolitaryThinker

But everyone is telling me to reach out which is what I'm doing...

soberlicious

Solitary, I understand exactly what you're saying, but it won't always be this way. I know it's so hard when you are right in the middle of it, but please trust those of us who have been there. Trust us when we tell you it will get better. Just hang through it best you can. Your brain needs time to find equilibrium again. It's doing the best it can right now. Give it the time it needs without interfering in the process by drinking. Xo

SolitaryThinker

I'm really trying, and not shutting anything down in my head at all. I'm just having a really really hard time. I wish I had more people in my life in general, or an actual parent to help me. This solo stuff is brutal, and I'm 28 but pretty much 16 still, with 28 year old bills and responsablities. Really struggling but I'm not gonna drink.

Karma2014

Reaching out for support was and still is extremely important to me. Especially support from those who have suffered the same problems with alcohol. On my second day of sobriety someone I was very close to, who was also an alcoholic, asked if I'd go to an AA meeting with them. I was hesitant, as I'd previously had 8.5 years sober just through my own willpower (along with a strong desire not to drink). I went to AA to please that person, not for myself. I thought, I stayed sober before without AA, I can do it again.
So I went and there was something about being in a group of people who understood and who had been there that interested me. So after a few more meetings spread out over a few weeks, I lost that hesitation and began to want to go to meetings. I now go to 5 or 6 a week.
I'm not about to say AA is the only way, but I've made a lot of friends and it's a great support network for me. I truly enjoy the fellowship and the knowing that I will not be judged based on my drinking history.

Keep at it, it will get better. There are many here who have been where you are, or worse, and came through to better days.

Amazingglazier

Reach out yes all and well, but reaching in also helps immensly too! I loved the post you made about boarding, photography and Colorado! Dare to dream, you cannot fix your mom, if you are broken! Stay Strong and Well ! Bobby

Dee74

Hey ST I think at some point all of us come up against the fact that we need to deal with emotions like extreme sadness without drinking.

You're a thoughtful and caring young person with a lot of responsibilities - it's ok to cut yourself a little slack, and it's more than ok to vent and ask for help.

Like others have said, you'll learn to deal with this, and things will get better.

I hope you will follow up on the book I mentioned - Codependent No More - you may came away thinking differently about whats your responsibility and whats not

Until then - make yourself a gratitude list - focus on the good stuff a while
D

SolitaryThinker

YES!!! That's what I'm not doing, I don't cut myself any slack! I have been trying to put into words what me problem is and couldn't really get to it. I'm brutally hard on myself and everyone including my girlfriend tells me I am. I really don't give myself credit for much and always beat myself when I fail. It's really bad....I need to start cutting myself some slack...

SolitaryThinker

I'm gonna look for it when I get home