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Up at 2am again

Old 04-22-2014, 11:42 AM
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Up at 2am again

Hello,

I woke up at 2am and have been awake since. I write this post a 4:30 am. Life on alcohol has become unbearable. I am so tired, I feel awful and guilty, hungover and down. My head hurts, I'm thirsty, my eyes are bloodshot, don't look well today.

Once again I have clearly failed my moderation attempt. Had two months off alcohol, anxiety started to disappear, life was good. But I felt listless and emotionless. A bit bored too. And yet I was so proud of myself. The longest time I'd ever spent off alcohol.

But then, of course, I went back to drinking. Huge mistake. Now I'm 10 days shy of 2 months back on the grog and life sucks! Without any effort at all I was losing weight. I've put it all back on. I have medical problem and advice clearly states I really shouldn't drink, but once I start I can't stop. This is my first post, I'm a little ashamed to say I've been a member for a few years now. A silent observer, mostly drinking away, whilst reading. I suppose I didn't have to strength to stop.

Last time I stopped I did it alone, silently. Really want to stop again, but this time I think I need support.
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Old 04-22-2014, 11:45 AM
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Hey Mich, well done for posting. I know exactly how you feel!

This is a great place to share your thoughts and vent. You ain't gotta do this alone.
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Old 04-22-2014, 11:53 AM
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Thanks MrG. No I don't think doing it alone works, for me anyway. So scared of the next few days, but just have to get on with it I guess.
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Old 04-22-2014, 12:08 PM
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We do understand how hard this is, and we're here for you.
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Old 04-22-2014, 12:22 PM
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How about switching your approach? I tried doing it "alone, silently" and had no success. I am a person who finds support and structure beneficial: a recovery program got me started in recovery, helped me through some rough periods, and finally helped me achieve lasting sobriety.
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Old 04-22-2014, 12:24 PM
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Wow, do you sound like me?! I'm on my 10th week sober but my last couple forays back into drinking were inspired by that bright idea that I could somehow manage moderation...again. It worked for about 3 days (well, I can't really say it "worked" because the ideal is for a man to only drink 2 drinks/day but in the mind of an alcoholic 6 drinks/day is a vast improvement over 15!) but then the weekend rolled around and I blew it. I didn't correct myself either. Just kept drinking all day everyday, same as usual.

I, too, have health issues that are almost immediately exacerbated by alcohol. They have all but disappeared within 2 months and I'm back where I was the last time I was sober. That's a dangerous place to be. Funny you should mention it, but I also deal with feeling "emotionless and listless."

So, this time I've asked my doctor to prescribe Antabuse. I've been taking it for about 2 months now, too. There has only been one time I seriously wanted to drink and even stopped taking the Antabuse for a few days but, just as I anticipated, I came to my senses and went back on the Antabuse.

I'm not recommending you try Antabuse, just saying it's made a difference for me this time around. Anyway, welcome! I'm finding there are a lot of great people and resources here to help you through this.

And you can get through it!
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Old 04-22-2014, 03:41 PM
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Welcome to the posting side of things Mich

anyone new is very welcome to check out the Class of April support thread:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-3-a-16.html

D
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