mich78

Hello,

I woke up at 2am and have been awake since. I write this post a 4:30 am. Life on alcohol has become unbearable. I am so tired, I feel awful and guilty, hungover and down. My head hurts, I'm thirsty, my eyes are bloodshot, don't look well today.

Once again I have clearly failed my moderation attempt. Had two months off alcohol, anxiety started to disappear, life was good. But I felt listless and emotionless. A bit bored too. And yet I was so proud of myself. The longest time I'd ever spent off alcohol.

But then, of course, I went back to drinking. Huge mistake. Now I'm 10 days shy of 2 months back on the grog and life sucks! Without any effort at all I was losing weight. I've put it all back on. I have medical problem and advice clearly states I really shouldn't drink, but once I start I can't stop. This is my first post, I'm a little ashamed to say I've been a member for a few years now. A silent observer, mostly drinking away, whilst reading. I suppose I didn't have to strength to stop.

Last time I stopped I did it alone, silently. Really want to stop again, but this time I think I need support.

Sulu1

Hey Mich, well done for posting. I know exactly how you feel!

This is a great place to share your thoughts and vent. You ain't gotta do this alone.

mich78

Thanks MrG. No I don't think doing it alone works, for me anyway. So scared of the next few days, but just have to get on with it I guess.

Anna

We do understand how hard this is, and we're here for you.

littlefish

How about switching your approach? I tried doing it "alone, silently" and had no success. I am a person who finds support and structure beneficial: a recovery program got me started in recovery, helped me through some rough periods, and finally helped me achieve lasting sobriety.

KAD

Wow, do you sound like me?! I'm on my 10th week sober but my last couple forays back into drinking were inspired by that bright idea that I could somehow manage moderation...again. It worked for about 3 days (well, I can't really say it "worked" because the ideal is for a man to only drink 2 drinks/day but in the mind of an alcoholic 6 drinks/day is a vast improvement over 15!) but then the weekend rolled around and I blew it. I didn't correct myself either. Just kept drinking all day everyday, same as usual.

I, too, have health issues that are almost immediately exacerbated by alcohol. They have all but disappeared within 2 months and I'm back where I was the last time I was sober. That's a dangerous place to be. Funny you should mention it, but I also deal with feeling "emotionless and listless."

So, this time I've asked my doctor to prescribe Antabuse. I've been taking it for about 2 months now, too. There has only been one time I seriously wanted to drink and even stopped taking the Antabuse for a few days but, just as I anticipated, I came to my senses and went back on the Antabuse.

I'm not recommending you try Antabuse, just saying it's made a difference for me this time around. Anyway, welcome! I'm finding there are a lot of great people and resources here to help you through this.

And you can get through it!

Dee74

Welcome to the posting side of things Mich

anyone new is very welcome to check out the Class of April support thread:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-3-a-16.html

D