Hi Jen, What I have heard many times in meetings is people who said they just weren't ready the last time they started going to meetings to quit. I heard this so many times it starts to sound like a broken record. Yet, I can say the same thing myself. I wasn't ready too. For me it took a kick in the rear to wake me up. Some just wake up one morning and finally say ENOUGH! I certainly hope you are ready this time. It is not easy. That anxiety will stay with you for a while. You just have to make that decision and stick with it! Look into other methods of recovery,AVRT, rational recovery etc. I would also suggest trying AA meetings again. Go with an open mind - since you are 'ready' you may see it differently this time. The point is to make the effort to do this. It is not like a switch we can turn off. It takes work and dedication. You mentioned your husband also suffers. Is that your thinking or is it HIS thinking. If he really suffers as well and realizes it, why don't the both of you make a pact to do this together. I think it would be wonderful if the two of you could team up to conquer alcohol. Sit down and discuss it with him. Tell him you are ready and having his support will make it much easier. I was fortunate that my wife quit drinking a few months before I did. And not having someone close to me drinking made it much easier for me. Good luck. Talk to him. Make it a team effort. Congratulations on starting day 1. Hang tough, you'll get through if you stick to it.
I will never drink again and I will never change my mind.