mzsquishiness

Im a very honest person. Ive always told people I'm an alcohlic and they always thought I was exaggurating. Now everyone is noticing that I'm happier and eating healthier. But when I tell them the reason, they say nothing like its awkward or think I'm being silly. Ultimately their opinions do not affect me. I'm just surprised how un supportive people can be. I sense jealousy since I have already lost a bit of weight and I have been wearing make up and doing my hair nice. It saddens me that some people are treating me differently. Im not the physco party animal that they are so accustomed to. But I feel great and no amount of negativity will bring me down

littlefish

The problem with identifying yourself as something, is that people will all too often use their own definition of that "something".
I can say "I am an alcoholic", but have the urge to say in the same breath: "And, how would you define an alcoholic?"
The question of identifying ourselves as alcoholics is a big one. AA has taken the route of anonymity and it is one of the cornerstones of the program.

However, people in the program choose when they wish to not be anonymous.

I have chosen to be anonymous because I am not sure I want to engage in discussions about my identity and how people perceive it. I don't want to bear the responsibility of explaining and educating people about alcoholism nor do I want to find myself hoping for their support. I also suspect that the chances of them actually listening and learning are rather low.!

mzsquishiness

Thanks littlefish. I just do not see the point in hiding who I am. If people don't like me for me then I dont need to go out of my way to be their friend. Im very accepting of who I am. Peoples opinions willl not bring me down. I'm too stubborn for that. He he. But I hear what your saying and I value your input.

GracieLou

What other people think of me is none of my business and that has to do with a lot more than just being an alcoholic or alcoholism.

I created a lot of resentments over what I thought others were thinking. The fact is I have no idea what they are thinking. I think lots of things all day long and I can place a pretty safe bet that the person next to me does not know what it is. They can assume, OH they can assume but unless I come right out and say it, they really don't know.

I could be thinking about planting a flower and they may think I am wondering why they wore that dress today.

Another thing I always consider, if I know they are discussing me, at least they are focused on me which means they are leaving someone else alone.

GreenEggsAndHam

Most people think of alcoholics as depicted in Leaving Las Vegas. I don't tell most people - just say I don't drink.

ontherightpath

So, I struggle with this a bit too, but the ones who need to know what's up, are the same ones who gave strange looks when I consumed drinks faster than them, the ones who watched me slur my words, the ones who gave me rides home when I had enough, or in most cases too much. The same ones who would answer my calls and fill in the blanks because of blackouts, and the same ones who would hand me a mint when my breath reeked of alcohol, the day after. They knew I had a problem, I knew I had a problem and when I decided to get help they weren't sure how to react! (Oh no, is she gonna suggest I have a prob too?) (oh no, we can't hang out like we used too) etc etc

They all support me in recovery, but are very cautious of how they talk about their nights out

I'm allergic to alcohol, it makese break out in blackouts, emotional roller coasters and sometimes fights.

Nonsensical

Number of people who have told me (outside of an AA meeting) that they were an alcoholic: 0

It isn't 'like it's awkward' for them when you tell people. It IS awkward for them. You're putting them in an awkward situation and then becoming dissatisfied with their reaction. Expecting 'People who don't understand' to understand will be an endless source of disappointment for you.

A thing can be true even if you don't say it out loud.

Best of Luck on Your Journey.

resolute50

If I get asked why I haven't been to the bar. I just say "I was liking alcohol too much and it wasn't liking me."
It ends right there. Nobody really cares as long as it's not effecting their drunken life.

mzsquishiness

Thanks guys. You have made me think a bit more about it. I love that you all take your time to comment. Hugz to everyone.

airwick

I have experienced somewhat the same problems. I quit for Lent, and decided to stop I felt so good and more aware ect. But when I told friends and family they all thought it was no big deal. They told me "You didn't drink a lot, wine ect. But heck, NORMAL people have a glass of wine...I drank the whole bottle. Normal people don't put a sot of vodka in their wine so it seems as if they are not drinking as much . I don't miss drinking!!!!! I hope to make it too next LENT.....one step at a time

jvanderk

For me, I'm kind of a gym junkie anyways so I just tell people I'm forgoing the sixpack to gain a sixpack, which usually leads people to be like (jokingly) okay douche... but the conversation about not drinking ends there. Find a cop-out, even lie. Who cares your not drinking doesn't concern them

mzsquishiness

Thanks for the reply airwick. I beleive you can do it. Chin up and keep smiling

KAD

When people (who don't already know my history) are ever curious why I'm not drinking, I usually just say something like, "Had to give it up. I didn't know when to say when." I don't wear the label "alcoholic," certainly not as badge of shame, nor do I expect others to understand what that really means. I just refuse to identify myself by my bad habits, past or present.

mzsquishiness

I feel that some people are taking me the wrong way here. I am an alcohlic. Im am not ashamed of it. Its just a part of me unfortunately. I have had alot of helpful advice and I can see now why some people choose not to say anything. I was just mainly trying to say I was more surprised by the people who know me well. I do not go around telling everyone

SeekingGrowth

I think that sometimes people respond in an unsupportive way because one person's decision to not drink (and/or self-characterization as alcoholic) feels like an implicit judgment to THEM regarding THEIR decision to drink - makes them feel like maybe they are doing something wrong by drinking. Sometimes people are more comfortable with their own drinking if everyone is drinking - one person's decision not to drink forces them to examine their own drinking patterns. This, coupled with a lack of understanding regarding the nature of alcoholism, can sometimes result in unsupportive comments and behavior, I believe.

Ruby2

I like what Non said. A thing can be true even if you don't say it out loud. All sorts of things go through people's minds if you throw out the word " alcoholic" into the conversation. How do I respond to that? With an I'm so sorry? With a that's great! If you drank with that person they could be wondering if you think they should quit. Being an alcoholic I would respond with a "that's terrific that you quit!" If I weren't alcoholic I would probably feel awkward and respond with an "urg...ummm..that's good, isn't it? I mean...hey! Look at the time..gotta run!" I recently ran into a woman who I haven't seen in a while who told me that I looked great. A change from the last time I saw her. I knew it was because I quit drinking but I didn't tell her that. It isn't her business and I didn't want to put her on the spot. Be happy and proud of your decision to quit. Celebrate the accomplishment but you don't have to announce it from the roof tops. Just being told that you seem happy and look good is support for a right decision.

Dee74

I think it depends on who you're telling too - my drinking buddies didn't take it well cos then they felt self conscious, and annoyed at the change I'd thrust upon them...

my family didn't take it well because we don't have alcoholics in our family (we do but alcoholics are weak people with no self control and are treated with derision)

but...my other friends were really worried for me and supported my decision to stop drinking

I keep stacking the deck with folks from pile #3

D