Dee74

It's one of those 'can't get the genie back in the bottle' things relobe - whats done is done.

My own mother was remarkably noncomittal too when I told her my story - we've never spoken about it again and life moved on and the awkwardness faded.

I hope it will for you too

D

happycampers

I totally agree with Dee - you're one damn wise person, Dee ! Relobe, we can't expect understanding from others' around us all the time because they have a different "world map" in their heads and it's a fool's game to ever expect them to match yours. It's actually self-abusive because we get ourselves all in knots over it, continually swirling it around over and over in our heads, triggering all types of unnecessary internal pain and suffering. You only need your own understanding. So, I fully agree with Dee that it's best to forget it all and move on. And it can't do any harm that mom knows where you were because you're not there anymore - You're Growing NOW - that's what is most important. Stay present with your current growth and enjoy !

relobe

Thank you guys. I apologized to my mother this morning for getting so upset yesterday. I feel terrible for how angry I got (and still embarrassed), but hopefully I can shake it off and have a good day today. As Dee said a few posts back, my mother has her own issues, and after sharing this whole experience with my girl, she strongly felt that I still need to see things from my mom's perspective and can't expect her to make sacrifices on my behalf simply because I feel it's the right thing to do. Now that I'm not so emotional, I think I agree...

happycampers

right on, relobe ! Amazing what a good night's sleep does for our perspective ! Have a great day, today !

relobe

Day four: I stayed up all night so I am really tired, pretty anxious, and generally feel like ****. I'm going to take a nap and then head out to my shop to hopefully get some work done.

relobe

Day four (update two): No real desire to drink or smoke, and I'm not thinking, "Oh man, what will I do tonight since I can't smoke or drink?" I think right now I'm just too tired to even think about wanting to smoke or drink, lol. My mood is good (no feelings of depression), and my anxiety is moderately high but very manageable. I'm staying in the cycle of making commitments in the future (hence the appointments today) that make sure I will keep my mind busy (and money coming in too!). I could easily have seen myself half-ass or skip today using the excuse of being tired from yesterday, but since I had literally four different people calling me at the beginning of the day urging me to hurry up and get my ass to my store on time, it became a lot harder (almost impossible in my case) to avoid it.

relobe

Day four (update three): There is a new challenge on the horizon - an old drinking/smoking buddy (who never got hooked on either) is planning a visit to come by and visit my new store and hang out for a while. He is my old college roomate. First thing he said when he contacted me: "I miss the days drinking and smoking with you at your old house, man those were great times!"

Now, luckily, this guy is open minded and I know he would be 100% supportive if I straight up told him I want to avoid alcohol and weed because I'm prone to overusing it, and in fact I may have hinted that I needed to stop drinking so much when we were living together (he knows my family and knows that I come from a line of alcoholics, so that also helps). My ego doesn't want to admit it to him in that way though... but I have already told him that I haven't drank or smoked in "a while" (lol, four days) because I've been so busy and that I'm "on a healthy streak."

During a period when I quit for a few weeks before, I routinely avoided drinking with that group of friends by telling them that I was trying to "keep my streak alive" instead of describing it as a problem I'm trying to conquer. So I'm thinking that if he wants to go out for "drinks," I'll just tell him I'm keeping my streak alive and order a soda and some food. Maybe I can suggest we go to a restaurant instead so that drinking isn't so prevalent.

I used to love drinking/smoking to have good conversations (because of the lowered inhibitions), but I've had great conversations with people over the past few days without being inebriated. I can actually picture myself having a great business/life conversation with this old friend without needing weed or alcohol. Good sign for me.

brazilian

Beware!..

brazilian

How are you, relobe? Looking forward to hear from you hope you are ok.

Dee74

You need to keep in mind this is a recovery site. What might be a reasonable argument somewhere else is less so here where we have many people who have suffered, or are still suffering, through marijuana addiction, or have a loved one suffer.

I think of pot exactly the same as I do of alcohol...both nearly destroyed me Victor.

It makes no difference to me whether they're legal or not, or that some may be able to use them responsibly.
The way I used them was super destructive to me.

D

Dee74

Hows it going relobe?

D