Dee74

I think 'cognitive deficits' are common for everybody in early recovery regardless of what drug they used.

I don't actually recall that with pot, but it took me a few months for the fog to lift with alcohol.

Keep at it relobe

D

relobe

You are actually right; I misunderstood the study. Sorry if I mislead anyone who read that post.

What I meant is that with my old daily routine, which was wake up, work from around 5AM to 7PM, then smoke from about 7PM to 9PM non stop (or smoking/drinking non-stop), I had no problem in the morning banging out work I needed from the moment I woke up until the evening.

Today, that same work is much harder because I just feel "off." Even though I have way, way more energy, I can't focus much more than 2-3 minutes. That's not new cognitive deficiencies from weed cessation (I obviously have been cognitively deficient everyday for years while working); rather, it is just this "fog" or "off feeling" that is causing my lack of focus.

What exactly is this "fog" in scientific terms anyways? Anyone have any insight?

Edit: In case anyone is wondering why I work such long hours: As I mentioned I have anxiety issues and the way I deal with it is through working constantly to distract my mind from negative cyclical thinking. In effect, literally my entire day revolves around combating my anxiety (first through work then through substance abuse). That's also why it was such a scary thought to consider quitting for so long - in my mind, I felt that I didn't know how to enjoy myself other than smoking weed and getting drunk, so I basically felt like if I didn't smoke or drink that I had no point to do anything, if that makes sense. I technically know that I can enjoy myself without abusing drugs, but now I have to let it kinda "sink in" if you know what I mean. I'm sure everyone here knows what I mean by this.

happycampers

I think you'll find your anxiety was actually increased by your addictions and now that you've quit , your anxiety will decrease quite a bit over time. It will take some time, but many here have found that to be true.

relobe

Day two (update four): I got a lot less done today than I thought I would (as mentioned, my focus has been less than desired all day); I spent a lot of time floating around, not really focused on anything in particular. Drinking after I go home to "relax" has crossed my mind, but I've been thinking of ways to prevent this and avoid any chance of a new cycle beginning.

My first plan to avoid drinking was to text the girl I'm sort of dating (N) and let her know that if she needs a ride anywhere (has no car at the moment) that I would love to pick her up and that it'd be helping this whole alcohol/weed quitting process.

My backup plan was to just stay at my shop and work all night (making money is always good, right?).

Now that I think about it, I don't think my backup plan was a good idea; it's not really a sustainable way to stay away from booze/weed.

N said she could use a ride soon, so I'm glad I have something to do. I need to get used to enjoying socialization without being high or drunk.

relobe

I agree with this 100%. I grew up in a very stressful household (which I'm sure is true for a lot of people posting on this forum) so I had some what I would consider to be moderate to slightly-above-moderate depression/anxiety issues by the time I was about 11, but my anxiety and depression issues became far, far worse after a few years of alcohol and weed abuse.

relobe

Day three: I'm definitely more clear headed and focused today. My problems with focus didn't begin until the middle of the day yesterday (I've always been a morning person). I had brief, strong urges to buy alcohol as a substitute, but spending time with my girl has helped a lot. However, she is uncomfortable having me rely on her to avoid drinking/smoking. I agree it's not really fair to her, it's just so helpful that I want to spend as much time with her as possible to keep my mood high and my anxiety low. I think tonight will be the first night me and her aren't together since I made the decision to quit, so there will be a slightly bigger challenge as the day winds down (and today will be the most stressful day I've had in months; I gotta go see a family member who makes it a point to belittle everyone/everything around him).

happycampers

Just try and stay as present as possible and don't let your mind get triggered into a swirl! Try and feel the energy in your hands while you're with them - it'll act as an anchor and stop the mind from spinning out of control with all it's own stories.
My motto these days is " Keep Calm and Be Present " - let others have their own way because they're going to anyways and the only thing you lose in wanting them to be different is Yourself ! Good luck today, relobe.

brazilian

You are doing great, keep on going hang in there

Aellyce

Long term drug or alcohol use affects our brains in very major ways, just about every process. Many of the induced changes in the brain are quite stubborn and it takes a long time to re-establish normal functioning. Unfortunately, some of these alterations can be permanent also for the lifetime of the individual and, shockingly, can even affect their children even if abuse did not happen during pregnancy per se.

What we usually call "brain fog" in relation to early recovery is that many biological mechanisms are disturbed and/or very actively changing after removing the drug - the changes are gradual and come in phases - this is why we usually experience different types of symptoms with time. Many of these are due to alterations in neurotransmission and what is known as "neuroplasticity" in technical terms. These processes affect many functions of the brain, including learning and memory, attention, information processing speed, etc. Ultimately, these mechanisms are also responsible for our behavior.

victor7

It's really hard to throw weed under the bus for me. Seeing my mom come from a single mother with me in a studio apartment to a four bedroom house with three vehicles all the while being a habitual weed smoker. Her love for me has never once changed her attitude has never been negative and she has been at the same job for ten years now practically running the place now. It's REALLY hard for me to say mother is a drug addict and has a problem in her brain. And reading post on here that's the general idea everyone has of MJ

So what are DOCTORS prescribing It for ? I know it comes down to the abusers... I'm just lost on this part of my recovery.

victor7

I guess I'm more lost on your guys perception on weed smokers. It's starting to get just as legal as beer. So in my eyes it should be treated like beer. You can have a few beers and not be and alcoholic... What's the differences between having a few drags of pot And not smoking everyday and all day and being labeled a "pothead"

And I'm SURE alcohol is faaaaaaaaaaar more detrimental to your body

victor7

Healthy discussion anyone?

relobe

Yep. As I said, I think some people can use it and it's no big deal to them. Even for me, I was able to accomplish things that society views as productive (school/starting a business); the problems are with my social life and anxiety/avoidance issues - and I know that weed has had a huge effect on my inability to progress in those areas. That's what has made me decide to quit. I have no doubt that I, personally, could earn a good living while smoking weed daily, but I know myself - I would never achieve true happiness, I would just have a bigger house to lock myself up and smoke my weed in. (I AM NOT suggesting your mom does not have true happiness at all, she sounds like she has it all together and can indulge where we cant.)

relobe

I agree with this for sure. I can't handle casually drinking beer (or smoking weed), but many others can.

relobe

Wow. That is insane! Thanks for the post.

You know what? The visit went really well and nothing bad came of it (in fact, lots of good came from the visit). Those irrational thoughts associated with my thinking habits got the best of me and I avoided speaking to them for a long, long time. My anxiety levels are definitely already much lower and it's only day 3 (I'm expecting it to get worse in about a week or so).

relobe

Day three (update two): I have been exhausted and unfocused all day; I must not be sleeping too well (coupled with the neurological changes touched on by haennie). Anxiety levels are good, but work is still piling up - I need to get myself in gear and get this **** done! I'm a little nervous about heading into the later part of the day (the time when I usually drank/smoked), but I know I can get through it.

relobe

I thought some of you may be interested in this as well as it adds to my whole ordeal: Another unique factor, and a significant problem that could increase the chances of derailing my sobriety efforts, is the fact that I've recently had my mother move in with me. She was a severe alcoholic for about 15 years (during my childhood), to the point of being arrested repeatedly for wandering the streets drunk, going through hallucinations associated with withdrawals, etc. - the whole nine yards. After finally being able to quit, she became severely depressed and did not leave her house (mainly a particular room in her house) for about 10 years; she basically cut off the world so she wouldn't be tempted to drink. She became a hoarder as well, essentially turning the home into a warehouse.

Anyways, I got her to move in with me and, after addressing some of the medical issues that arose from her 10 year stint locked in her home, also got her to start coming to work with me at my store for four hours per day just to get her out of the house and into the routine. After a while, she began taking care of herself, getting her hair done, dressing nicely, and you can just tell she got her confidence back. The problem is: she will not agree to quitting her desire for "one drink" after the end of each day (she feels she deserves it since she goes to work with me; when she was locked up in her home she never drank but was a complete mess). She makes it a point to disagree with me on the fact that she is an alcoholic ("I'm not an alcoholic, an alcoholic needs to drink this much and do this, I'm just having one drink will you just relax?" etc.)

She is not my child, so I can't command her to do otherwise. She does not drive, so it kills me to have to drive her to the store for her to buy her single can (she doesn't get drunk, but I don't have to tell you guys this is skating on thin ice). On top of the fact that she's putting herself at risk of becoming a drunk once again, she is regularly exposing me to alcohol that I'd like to avoid - it definitely becomes tempting.

I've never told her about my issues with alcohol, but I'm on the verge of doing so. Maybe it will open her eyes and let her realize that admitting to having a problem with alcohol is ok. Maybe she can acknowledge that by her drinking in front of me, it's increasing my risk of drinking again. It's just a really tough thing for me to have to admit to her in particular, but I think that it's something that must be done very soon though for the both of us.

relobe

Day 3 (update three): Well I asked my mother to not drink around the apartment(prefacing it by saying I was asking it as a favor to me, not because of her history with booze) and admitted all my problems that ive bren hiding and I regret it 100%. She responded like I was basically a joke, called me weak and overly sensitive and I lost it. I got very emotional and drove like an idiot while screaming and crying and I am now very embar rassed. I hate t]he thought that she knows about my alcoholism, that I didn't want to continue living during a certain period, and I hate that my response to her reaction basically reinforced her opinion of me being an overly sensitive weak person. She agreed in the end to not bring alcohol into the house but I honestly wish I didn't try to explain how I view my addictions and emotional issues. I can tell she only agreed to no alcohol in the house to try to stop me from being so emotional.

Sorry for typos, posting from phone.

Dee74

I'm sorry you got such a poor response relobe but it sounds like your mother has her own issues. Maybe she feels guilty, or feels that she's to blame, or even that you're blaming her.

Maybe she's scared of having to give up herself...

Maybe you'll be an inspiration to her....if and when she embraces recovery perhaps she'll think back on this moment and wish she'd reacted differently.

I found out the hard way tho that this struggle will not be appreciated or supported by some - and that's ok - we know we have an issue and we know where to find support and understanding

relobe

Thanks so much for your response D. She's said to me in the past that she "knows" she was a "bad mother," so it's obvious she has some sort of guilt about how neglectful she was when raising me and my sister.

Her response wouldn't have been half as bad if I didn't now have to see her everyday (both at home and work). She is uncomfortable expressing emotion (I have no memory of ever hugging/kissing/"I love you"/etc. with her), which really rubbed off on me. I've consciously worked on trying to express emotion to other people in my life and it is still ridiculously hard to do so for me, but I have made progress. I really thought she would have related or been ok with admitting that WE can't handle alcohol because I've gotten her to casually talk about anxiety issues and shes on antidepressant medication at my suggestion because it helped me out at one point (which is passively admitting to having a psychological issue).

I know she was not intending to be malicious, but I am so embarrassed and it'll be in the back of my mind for a long while I believe. I don't even want to look at her eye to eye at this point. She's been trying to "cheer me up" since we've gotten home since I'm so obviously upset but I can't get over the fact that she knows of my issues, particularly telling her I have trouble finding happiness in anything other than alcohol and weed (and that I was suicidal)... As far as I know she wants to talk about her emotions too but can't bring herself to do so.

I really do genuinely feel like a weak person, but I know through educating myself that admitting to problems like this does not make me a weak person. It's just the thought that my mother now knows I was suicidal and getting black out drunk on a daily basis that's really bothersome. I would feel so much better if she were to tell me she understood, but maybe she doesn't. I don't know.

I guess I can't do much about it now, and it's all just wishful thinking unless she initiates a conversation on the issue (right now I'm thinking I am done making myself emotionally vulnerable). As you said, some won't be on the same page with you - and maybe it will wind up helping us both in the long run. I just feel so vulnerable right now and I hate it.