Fandy

it is also leaving the clinics that you work for wide open for a malpractice lawsuit... as you stated you are a " Medical director of 3 clinics"

you are willing to risk losing your malpractice insurance, hospital privileges and DEA license, risk the lives of patients who come under your umbrella for treatment and break that hippocratic oath all for your "little secret buzz"..??? I find your stance unethical and unprofessional.

I think you are less than truthful about many things you have posted about, you are misleading many people who do NOT know the inner workings of clinical practice.

CaptainPolaris

Oh Im not justifying my use! Trust me. I know it's bad. I always plan to stop... I had stopped for so long prior to my baby's death. I can't seem to cope well any other way. I just want to give my head a break. I still make rational calls... At most I allow myself a pint in the early afternoon around lunch time and no more until later... Opiates are another story but i dont generally mix the 2. Sometimes I don't t use any later... Just if I need it for some reason. Im doing better than I was 3 yrs ago, I think

SoberLeigh

Somehow, I think that you ARE, in fact, justifying your use; your own words in your own post point to that justification:

"I still make rational calls"

"At most I allow myself a pint in the early afternoon"

"Opiates are another story but I don't generally mix the two".

CP, you are a medical doctor; you are dealing with people's lives; they place their trust in you; they rely on you. You are betraying them. You are fooling YOURSELF. Please get real, CP. You are a danger to your patients.

The people here want you to get better. Please be honest with yourself and your husband so that you can start the process of healing.

EndGameNYC

Opiates at work, and now a pint with lunch? If you don't believe that you're rationalizing what you do, what are you telling yourself about drinking and being high while at work?

Though we work in different fields, and although I never drank immediately before seeing patients during my three-year relapse, I was drinking most of the day and night while I was still seeing patients. It was a nightmare; so much so that I chose to take a "leave of absence" unless and until I got myself sober.

There must be a part of you that's screaming out that what you're doing is both harmful and unethical. You're not the first person in the medical profession who's struggled with grief or who has problems with alcohol and drugs. More often than not, they get busted rather than seek help, and their lives change for the worse on a dime. Tolerance for people drinking or using drugs at work has quickly eroded across all professions in this country, and penalties are much harsher for those who don't seek help on their own.

When you write that you "can't seem to cope well any other way," what is it that you've actually attempted in order to cope? Therapy? Grief counseling? Drug and alcohol counseling? Anything besides support from your husband? Drinking and getting buzzed at work only makes matters worse for you. From your comments, it doesn't appear that you've sought out the necessary help in order to cope with your daughter's death, your drinking, or your drug use. It might help for you to give some more thought to what's preventing you from getting the help you need.

You've made it clear that being honest about your drinking and drug use is not your first option. This is a major problem, no matter how well you imagine that you function in the rest of your life.

You might want to try idaa.org, International Doctors In Alcoholics Anonymous. In any event, you need to try something that's radically different for you.

ReadyAtLast

I've read this and your other threads. It disturbs me how you are STILL trying to convince us and obviously yourself that you are a good doctor.

If you are at work having taken alcohol or drugs you are far from a good doctor and should not be there. Until you stop kidding yourself and lying to yourself about this you will carry trying to kid others.

How can you expect to be honest to others when you are in no way honest to yourself?

suki44883

Yes, you ARE justifying your use. You are in deep denial. You ARE putting people's lives in danger whether you believe you are or not. You need professional help and you need it now. Sorry to sound so harsh, but it's about more than you and how you feel. You are fooling yourself if you think you are not a danger to others. You are.

Sulu1

It might be an idea to maybe take some leave time from work and try to get sober? I know you probably don't want to but surely it's a better option than possibly getting caught in the act and losing your licence.

Sending you some strength. Take care

ScottFromWI

What would your response be if one of the doctors under your supervision wrote the above quoted paragraph to you?

CaptainPolaris

I suppose I would not be happy if one of my MDs came to me with that confession. Probably I would contact HR. Im friends with the CEO though and I don't let myself get too out of control. I know Im rational but I wouldnt be certain they were. We know ourselves better than others. Anyhow I do intend to not go to the liquor store tomorrow. Small goals first, eh? Thats how I managed to stay quit for 3 yrs...

CodeJob

ScottFromWI

With all due respect CP, sometimes I wonder if you are just here to mess with us. Your denial and blatant disregard for the safety of others and the oath of being in healthcare almost seems too exaggerated to be true at times. Please tell me I'm wrong and that you realize how ridiculous your last 2 posts sound.

suki44883

Unbelievable.

PLEASE get some professional help before something disasterous happens.

Knat84

Uhh....I do not think you're being rational. Let me tell you, CP, I thought I knew myself better than others knew me. You know what? I didn't. I really didn't. I knew what food I liked, what drugs I liked, that cilantro margaritas with 3 shots of Patron were my favorite...you know, the general self 'I need' or 'I wants'. I was in denial. Like you! To myself, I didn't have a problem. I could rationalize it. Like you! You are not. being. rational. I repeat, you are NOT being rational. I wouldn't get so direct and stern in other posts, (and please know that I am doing so because I am genuinely concerned for you and your patients!), but you need to take some big steps here. Yes, small steps first, that is true, but, you are putting people's lives at stake. You may not think so. You are probably rationalizing it right now and thinking that I (and others) are being super exaggerative.
Like one person mentioned above, you should take a break from your work. Get yourself better. Get yourself some help!!!

Much love xoxo

casinva

I'm wondering the same thing......

CaptainPolaris

Let me put it this way... I WISH I werent in this condition as I am having a hard time. Id give aNYThing to still be sober but Im so scared that I am responsible for my girl's death bc I was taking an herbal supplement that relaxes you while I was pregnant. I didn't know it was dangerous, still don't know if it was as the disease is usually genetic but I cannot forgive myself. It was not fda approved. I hate myself no mAtter what

Anna

This thread is closed while some decisions are made.

Morning Glory

Just to add.

I have reported many members who are suicidal, a threat to others, or have confessed to active child abuse.

This is stated in our rules....

***Please be aware that any posts that contain serious threats of suicide or serious threats to harm another person may be reported to the proper authorities. Reasonably suspected child abuse may also be reported. Some of our volunteers on the forums are mandated by law to report suspected child abuse and must report according to the laws of their state***