Advice needed for a functional alcoholic
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
xa-speakers.org (Dr.) Paul O.
Yes, even doctors end up drinking more given enough time with drinking.
Lots of binge drinkers, lots of people just like you, well, they can stay stopped. There is a way out. It's up to you to realize that living life without drinking is more important than drinking.
Maybe we can't give you the words you need to hear, but keep reading on here, someone has your story, too!
One thing we all have in common is not being able to relate just yet to others....
Yes, even doctors end up drinking more given enough time with drinking.
Lots of binge drinkers, lots of people just like you, well, they can stay stopped. There is a way out. It's up to you to realize that living life without drinking is more important than drinking.
Maybe we can't give you the words you need to hear, but keep reading on here, someone has your story, too!
One thing we all have in common is not being able to relate just yet to others....
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
Welcome I am glad you found SR and want to recover.
I just wanted to say this about the statement that many of us have made.
I am a functional alcoholic. Now this is just strictly my opinion.
When I was out there I didn't want to look at all the stuff I did while I drank.And I tried not to and stuffed it deep
down inside. I didn't think I was as bad as some people. At one time I
still had a job and a truck and a house.
My kid was smart, my house was clean and well maintained. I did it up good on holidays with decorations and lots of
presents. To the outside world I looked like the All American mom.
I was a functional alcoholic? But Was I really?
I lived in total fear and anxiety every day of my life.I would get drunk and black out and not know what I had done the
night before. Trust me I was not functioning very well the next morning.
If functioning means I was able to fake the family and boss out that I was ok and that my alcoholism was not tearing
me up inside, then maybe I was, but inside my heart, mind and soul I was not ok. I was not functioning well at all,
now take those feelings and look at how much of our time is spent thinking about those feelings, the guilt, shame, remorse.
While we are overwhelmed by those feelings we are not really 100% emotionally and mentally present in our jobs, at
home with our spouse and children. We are not functioning 100%.
I prayed every morning that I didn't do something I regretted the night before if I drank at home. I was so afraid to
talk to my husband the next day waiting to see how he and my son were gonna react to me
cuz I couldn't remember what I did or said.
If they didn't say anything I was good to go and I could still believe the lie that I was a functional alcoholic. I was ok.
If they did say something I spent the whole day trying to absolve my guilt by making dinner, or giving son 20 bucks,
or taking him to the movie. Anything to get rid of that awful feeling inside.
It didn't really work but I used it as an excuse to say I was still a functional alcoholic because I covered my tracks,
cleaned up my messes but I wasn't fooling anyone.
Telling myself I was a functional alcoholic kept me in denial for almost 37 yrs.
And I said it so I could keep drinking.
Not calling you out personally just hoping you will not ignore the feelings inside. Your feelings.
I can do a lot of things drunk, like work, mow the lawn, pay the bills. But was I emotionally and mentally present.
No I wasn't, inside I was functioning very poorly.
I just wanted to say this about the statement that many of us have made.
I am a functional alcoholic. Now this is just strictly my opinion.
When I was out there I didn't want to look at all the stuff I did while I drank.And I tried not to and stuffed it deep
down inside. I didn't think I was as bad as some people. At one time I
still had a job and a truck and a house.
My kid was smart, my house was clean and well maintained. I did it up good on holidays with decorations and lots of
presents. To the outside world I looked like the All American mom.
I was a functional alcoholic? But Was I really?
I lived in total fear and anxiety every day of my life.I would get drunk and black out and not know what I had done the
night before. Trust me I was not functioning very well the next morning.
If functioning means I was able to fake the family and boss out that I was ok and that my alcoholism was not tearing
me up inside, then maybe I was, but inside my heart, mind and soul I was not ok. I was not functioning well at all,
now take those feelings and look at how much of our time is spent thinking about those feelings, the guilt, shame, remorse.
While we are overwhelmed by those feelings we are not really 100% emotionally and mentally present in our jobs, at
home with our spouse and children. We are not functioning 100%.
I prayed every morning that I didn't do something I regretted the night before if I drank at home. I was so afraid to
talk to my husband the next day waiting to see how he and my son were gonna react to me
cuz I couldn't remember what I did or said.
If they didn't say anything I was good to go and I could still believe the lie that I was a functional alcoholic. I was ok.
If they did say something I spent the whole day trying to absolve my guilt by making dinner, or giving son 20 bucks,
or taking him to the movie. Anything to get rid of that awful feeling inside.
It didn't really work but I used it as an excuse to say I was still a functional alcoholic because I covered my tracks,
cleaned up my messes but I wasn't fooling anyone.
Telling myself I was a functional alcoholic kept me in denial for almost 37 yrs.
And I said it so I could keep drinking.
Not calling you out personally just hoping you will not ignore the feelings inside. Your feelings.
I can do a lot of things drunk, like work, mow the lawn, pay the bills. But was I emotionally and mentally present.
No I wasn't, inside I was functioning very poorly.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 27
Originally Posted by bigsombrero 
Most of us are/were functioning at relatively high levels before addiction forced us to seek help. I felt the same way you did: I had a corner office on Michigan Ave, a college education and a six-figure salary, beautiful girlfriend too. We took vacations to Costa Rica, San Fran, Europe. I'm bilingual, a natural athlete, and I always win at Trivial Pursuit. I saw myself as very different and quite frankly much smarter than the average addict or alcoholic. I probably still carry some of that with me today.
It's quite an elitist view, really. "Functional alcoholism" is a term we give to ourselves because it makes us feel better. We're not like the bums wearing pork pie hats in the cartoons, and we rationalize that we're too intelligent to be considered as a member of that fraternity. Truck drivers and waitresses come from different worlds, and while we wish them well, we have higher goals for ourselves. Right?
Funny how things change. I went from a 35 year-old guy with all that stuff listed above, to a single, poor, jobless guy by age 37. I spent a night out at the airport baggage claim because I didn't have anywhere else to sleep. My life savings were gone. As I went downhill, it all still felt like just a "bump in the road" and I continued to rationalize that I was a "functional alcoholic" who was just living through some tough times. It made me stronger. I was seeing how the poor lived, I was experiencing what poverty felt like, etc. Like it was some grand experiment, or a research project for a documentary.
I woke up in the back of an ambulance one day and didn't know how I got there. I'd had seizures. I spent the last of my savings on a cheap rehab clinic and spent 24 days with crack addicts, heroin addicts, and other alcoholics. I slept on a cot next to various roommates, some of whom had mental issues or histories of violent behavior. Many of my fellow inpatients were either just out of prison or stopping off for treatment on their way into prison.
Today I'm coming up on 2 years sober. I'm happy to have a job. I make 40K per year and help kids learn math & science. Nothing too flashy, no corner office, no fancy car. So by all means, if you feel you can only share with people who are "on your level" then that's your choice. But it might be best to start thinking about how you're going to get yourself together and accept help, support, and advice from anyone who offers. You can start categorizing and self-diagnosing yourself after you get sober. I hope my story comes across as helpful and not bitter - I'm quite happy now and I think that when I stopped worrying about appearances, it really helped me get on track. Good luck and welcome.
It's quite an elitist view, really. "Functional alcoholism" is a term we give to ourselves because it makes us feel better. We're not like the bums wearing pork pie hats in the cartoons, and we rationalize that we're too intelligent to be considered as a member of that fraternity. Truck drivers and waitresses come from different worlds, and while we wish them well, we have higher goals for ourselves. Right?
Funny how things change. I went from a 35 year-old guy with all that stuff listed above, to a single, poor, jobless guy by age 37. I spent a night out at the airport baggage claim because I didn't have anywhere else to sleep. My life savings were gone. As I went downhill, it all still felt like just a "bump in the road" and I continued to rationalize that I was a "functional alcoholic" who was just living through some tough times. It made me stronger. I was seeing how the poor lived, I was experiencing what poverty felt like, etc. Like it was some grand experiment, or a research project for a documentary.
I woke up in the back of an ambulance one day and didn't know how I got there. I'd had seizures. I spent the last of my savings on a cheap rehab clinic and spent 24 days with crack addicts, heroin addicts, and other alcoholics. I slept on a cot next to various roommates, some of whom had mental issues or histories of violent behavior. Many of my fellow inpatients were either just out of prison or stopping off for treatment on their way into prison.
Today I'm coming up on 2 years sober. I'm happy to have a job. I make 40K per year and help kids learn math & science. Nothing too flashy, no corner office, no fancy car. So by all means, if you feel you can only share with people who are "on your level" then that's your choice. But it might be best to start thinking about how you're going to get yourself together and accept help, support, and advice from anyone who offers. You can start categorizing and self-diagnosing yourself after you get sober. I hope my story comes across as helpful and not bitter - I'm quite happy now and I think that when I stopped worrying about appearances, it really helped me get on track. Good luck and welcome.
Let's forget the functional tag. let's go with the "before I f*** it all up" tag. Anyone out there get sober without the terrible pitfalls? What do you attach to when the consequences aren't that concrete yet in your moments of weakness.
I'm not better than anybody. I'm just working through my story. Which hasn't (legitimately) hit that breaking point yet. Yet. But it will. i can play it out. I see it.
What do you tell yourself that you would listen to before all of the pain later.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,649
Hey letsgowith, When I quit drinking it was really hard. I was used to drinking every day. As the weeks passed it got easier. When I wanted a drink, I came here. I ate ice cream. I know that sounds silly but I would never drink icecream if I was drinking. I go to the meetings here on Tuesday and Friday evenings. I post on the 24 hour thread that I won't drink. I also read the bb. I rely a lot on God and prayer. I also won't pick up the first drink, no matter what! If I never take the first drink I can control the rest. I am an alcoholic, and I know I can't drink. I will keep you in my prayers.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Seattle,WA
Posts: 40
I had to change my whole mindset. Hope this helps but for me the first few times I had a go at quitting I would look back fondly at the great times I had partying through my late teens and twenties. Always got me back to drinking except it never gave me what I was looking for. I had to realize I couldn't go back to those carefree days, It wasn't the alcohol That made that time of life great it was the exploration and all the new experiences. Alcohol and drigs were just a part of that exploration. Being a drunk **s nearing forty didn't get me what I was looking for.
So I've had to change my mindset, at my age alcohol is the thing that's stopping me from the wonder and excitement I experienced 18 years ago, not getting me there.
Take the extra time and money and travel, pick up a new hobby, learn a new language, take those guitar lessons or whatever.
That's what's been keeping me on track. Good luck on your journey!
So I've had to change my mindset, at my age alcohol is the thing that's stopping me from the wonder and excitement I experienced 18 years ago, not getting me there.
Take the extra time and money and travel, pick up a new hobby, learn a new language, take those guitar lessons or whatever.
That's what's been keeping me on track. Good luck on your journey!
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
Think back to your 20's.....think hard and long and then answer this to yourself.....What do you tell yourself that you would listen to before all of the pain?
are you ready to stay stopped and what can you do now?
are you ready to stay stopped and what can you do now?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 801
Letsgo, welcome! I could say a lot of what you said. "High functioning", not the stereotypical problem drinker some people might think of. I also went to an aa meeting and felt like on the outside I looked like my life was different from most in the room. I've also had a lot of questions and have appreciated every single response that someone took the time to offer me here. If I were you, I'd see them as a genuine desire to help- not necessarily someone trying to make you like them. I'm leArning that alcoholism is a complicated, multifaceted thing and I'll take all the help I can get. For ME, I've just really come out of denial for almost 2 weeks now. Just take it a day at a time. I think the answers you're looking for will come in time. Keep reaching out! There are A LOT of awesome people here.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome to the Forum!! . . . and yes your story reads like mine!!
I have never lost a job, never lost my licence, never passed out in the street etc etc, no one knew I had a problem because the party was always back at mine, a bottle of whisky in the evening, pass out into bed and get up without fail the next morning!!
However as you say it's difficult to stay Sober longer than a few months, as you look back at all the outward damage alcohol caused and there aren't that many things to cling onto to remain Sober for.
But I do believe we have to cling on to more the outward consequences, we have to WANT to quit for us, functioning doesn't mean nothing was affected, strains on relationships, think about the dad you want to be for your kids, the affects on our health etc etc
"Getting away with" drinking alcohol and so continuing to do it as there are no consequences is still not living up to our potential when we know deep down we are problem drinkers.
I have never lost a job, never lost my licence, never passed out in the street etc etc, no one knew I had a problem because the party was always back at mine, a bottle of whisky in the evening, pass out into bed and get up without fail the next morning!!
However as you say it's difficult to stay Sober longer than a few months, as you look back at all the outward damage alcohol caused and there aren't that many things to cling onto to remain Sober for.
But I do believe we have to cling on to more the outward consequences, we have to WANT to quit for us, functioning doesn't mean nothing was affected, strains on relationships, think about the dad you want to be for your kids, the affects on our health etc etc
"Getting away with" drinking alcohol and so continuing to do it as there are no consequences is still not living up to our potential when we know deep down we are problem drinkers.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 45
I do not at all envy the people who have hit "rock bottom". Plenty of people here have gone through some terrible, gut-wrenching things. I am amazed by the stories of strength and courage I read on these forums every day from those people. Many of them have a rock-hard determination to stay quit.
When you haven't hit rock bottom, you're extremely lucky. You can get off the roller coaster before you reach the big drop. You can avoid the terrible things that lurk at the bottom.
But on the other hand, it's going to be more difficult for you to stay quit. In a few months you'll start telling yourself that it wasn't that bad. You can go back to drinking. And you know what? If you start up again, it will probably remain "not that bad", at least for a little while. It might fool you into thinking things are okay. But, if you have a problem with alcohol (which you seem to feel you have), when you start back up again, you won't return to your nostalgic 20s like you're hoping. You'll start back off where you left off - on the decline. And if you get back on, and stay back on, then it will eventually get "that bad". You might make it further down the decline, and quit again. And when you start back on, you'll start back where you left off at that spot further down the decline.
That's how it works.
I'm like you. I have never had a DUI, was not a blackout drinker, never let down my family and friends. But that didn't mean that alcohol was not affecting my life in a negative way. It doesn't matter whether or not I considered myself "that bad" or not - alcohol was not good for me or my family. So I chose to quit.
Whatever you decide to do, don't weigh your options against those alcoholics who have hit bottom, because you'll always come out ahead - fortunately for you. Instead, compare your life with alcohol to your life without it. A life of worrying about whether or not you're drinking too many, hurting your liver, harming your relationship with your wife and family, putting your career in jeopardy, versus a life where you never have to worry about how much you're drinking, never have to worry about who's driving, know you're always full of energy and clear-headed for your family in case of an emergency, and possessed of general better health and mental happiness.
To me, the choice seems pretty clear.
When you haven't hit rock bottom, you're extremely lucky. You can get off the roller coaster before you reach the big drop. You can avoid the terrible things that lurk at the bottom.
But on the other hand, it's going to be more difficult for you to stay quit. In a few months you'll start telling yourself that it wasn't that bad. You can go back to drinking. And you know what? If you start up again, it will probably remain "not that bad", at least for a little while. It might fool you into thinking things are okay. But, if you have a problem with alcohol (which you seem to feel you have), when you start back up again, you won't return to your nostalgic 20s like you're hoping. You'll start back off where you left off - on the decline. And if you get back on, and stay back on, then it will eventually get "that bad". You might make it further down the decline, and quit again. And when you start back on, you'll start back where you left off at that spot further down the decline.
That's how it works.
I'm like you. I have never had a DUI, was not a blackout drinker, never let down my family and friends. But that didn't mean that alcohol was not affecting my life in a negative way. It doesn't matter whether or not I considered myself "that bad" or not - alcohol was not good for me or my family. So I chose to quit.
Whatever you decide to do, don't weigh your options against those alcoholics who have hit bottom, because you'll always come out ahead - fortunately for you. Instead, compare your life with alcohol to your life without it. A life of worrying about whether or not you're drinking too many, hurting your liver, harming your relationship with your wife and family, putting your career in jeopardy, versus a life where you never have to worry about how much you're drinking, never have to worry about who's driving, know you're always full of energy and clear-headed for your family in case of an emergency, and possessed of general better health and mental happiness.
To me, the choice seems pretty clear.
To be content
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 80
LetgowithJ my story is like yours with not many pitfalls. No DUI, no arrests, a lot of stupidity, but nothing that has told me to get sober other than I felt like crap all the time, and some family-relationship hiccups. I have told myself I was quitting several times, but never stuck to it. I think I always felt like I was halfway serious, and there was my problem. I want it more now (sobriety). In my mind I know I will not graduate if I don't stop and I became quite an unhappy person in front of my family and friends. I do want to do it for me, but I use my degree, friends and family as motivators to stop too. I definitely have had to make a stronger plan for offers on alcohol because many people I am around drink. There are always constant pressures and I have had to learn avoidance and ques on what to say when offered to stick to my plan. Not easy and I usually have to check in a couple time a day. Like huntintontx I eat ice cream, drink tons of tea, running, SR, and talk with those I can when I am struggling.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: PA
Posts: 695
Hi letsgowithj
Glad you joined. I share many aspects of your story. I was also very functional. Good job, 2 kids, happy marriage, never in trouble with the law (not even a parking ticket), very rarely took sick day from work, only my very close friends and husband knew that I too am an alcoholic.
I wrote those words at age 30; I also wrote them at age 40. Thank God, I refused to write them at age 50. So I guess my perspective is this...at what age do you want to stop writing them? I sure as hell wished I had stopped at 30 but I didn't. I'm luckier than most, my husband didn't give up on me but there were times I know he wanted to, hopefully your wife is strong enough to stick it out but are you willing to chance it.
(I can't comment on part about going a month or more sober, for me I was lucky if I could go 3 days.)
But its been 5+ years now and let me tell you....in my heart I know I still haven't won 100% of my husband's trust back and that is a hard thing to live with.
Glad you joined. I share many aspects of your story. I was also very functional. Good job, 2 kids, happy marriage, never in trouble with the law (not even a parking ticket), very rarely took sick day from work, only my very close friends and husband knew that I too am an alcoholic.
I wrote those words at age 30; I also wrote them at age 40. Thank God, I refused to write them at age 50. So I guess my perspective is this...at what age do you want to stop writing them? I sure as hell wished I had stopped at 30 but I didn't. I'm luckier than most, my husband didn't give up on me but there were times I know he wanted to, hopefully your wife is strong enough to stick it out but are you willing to chance it.
(I can't comment on part about going a month or more sober, for me I was lucky if I could go 3 days.)
But its been 5+ years now and let me tell you....in my heart I know I still haven't won 100% of my husband's trust back and that is a hard thing to live with.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: dover, nh
Posts: 17
Well first your story is just like mine, and you are at the same age I was when I first knew it was noticeable problem, well at least to me. I remember showing up for a random meeting and listening to the stories and coming out saying, I don't have a problem, those people have problems..... Right or wrong it was how I felt at the time. I cannot promise you you will lose your job, I can't promise you that you will get sick, or get divorced or any of those things.... I can promise that you will most likely one day turn 40 and you will look back as your evaluate your life and wonder what you really accomplished in those 10 years. If I were you, and I wish I had..... I would write down all you wrote, or write down how you feel right now, write down how you feel when you drink, how you feel the five days after the binge, and how you felt the next two months sober. Thoughts are just those thoughts, when you write things down they become tangible in our minds, of at least in mine. Keep that paper in your wallet, just as a reminder of what your going to get after that first drink. Take it out and read it when a buddy says "hey want to go get a drink?" What they should say is hey wanna go get 10 drinks.... And guess what you will get what's on your list. Also try to do something tanglie for yourself....pick something you want... New club, new car, etc and everyday put what you would have spent in booze in a jar that you can see, after a week you will be disgusted...... You are "functional" because at present you sti have goals other than what will become the goal of drinking as much as you can and get up for Groundhog Day tomorrow. Give yourself tangible goals in the short term... After month one take the money and buy something you want.... Then make it two....your wife will also see it and it sounds like yours is a lot like mine...when I was 30 it was tolerable at 40 not as much, but I am lucky and she is my best friend who stood by and supported me. I wish you the best, don't take the roller coaster up and down, eventually the park and more specifically the ride closes for maintenance.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
I guess I was a "high functioning" alcoholic because I never suffered any major consequences due to my drinking. But unlike you, I don't look back at my party days of my 20s and 30s nostalgically. I am a 43 year old mother who is about to send my eldest child off to college and I want so much more for him and his experience than the drunken party blur that I made my experience. Have you ever read addict's memoirs?? Frankly they are not very exciting, interesting nor memorable. Actually they are all the same story of chasing an artificial high while life happens all around them. I find a sober life much more fulfilling, interesting and tantalizing than the zoned out drunken one I lead for so long. Perhaps you haven't ever given yourself enough sober time to truly appreciate the difference??
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 621
Hi LGWJ - I'll turn 48 this year and it just gets worse. For the first time today my husband said to me - you'll lose your children and marriage if that not enough incentive to stop drinking I don't know what is. I had six years and one month sobriety and then I picked up alcohol again. I've had about one and a half years of sobriety in the past four and a half years but I have now drunk pretty solidly for the last year. I have a good job but I am an emotional wreck and at the point where I could lose everything if I continue to drink.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 1,737
Letsgo,
I don't know if my experience is similar or relevant, but I held a good job as plant manager, never got a DUI, never lost a job (though I certainly would have deserved it more than once), etc. But I did go from that job to rehab in December 2009 and haven't had a drink since.
You alluded to your estranged father and how your perspective would shift if you were to find yourself playing his tune. My moment of clarity was realizing that I could no longer deny that in all the ways that mattered, I had become an alcoholic just like the parent I had grown to despise. Removing my mother from life support as a last act of saving her from self inflicted harm left me pretty jaded, but I could always fall back on the fact that I never screwed up a marriage... because I didn't marry, or screw up a childhood... because I intentionally never had kids. It was all superficial, but enough to convince me that my drinking was a choice that didn't harm anyone. It carried me a long way.
Alcohol eventually took away every relationship that I cared about, and at the ripe old age of 43 I realized that if I were unfortunate enough to live as long as my mother did, I had a quarter century of downward spiral left. I didn't think I could do another week without jumping out a window.
Most people talk about bottoms in terms of external consequences, but in my experience it's about desperation. The big book talks about the jumping off place - where we are faced with the option of giving up all hope of being able to drink again, or simply giving up all hope. Until you are irretrievably convinced, you will continue to vacillate, it's a simple as that. There is no mantra, philosophy, or guru who can do this for you - it is strictly an inside job.
Four plus years down the road, I find I still need to recommit myself to sobriety pretty much on a daily basis. If I don't do this, within two or three days it seems I start to unravel - my attitude changes, my outlook becomes cynical, my responses to others become curt. I have never let it get beyond a couple of days, but I am certain that to leave my addiction to it's own devices would have me drinking in weeks if not days.
This is what it means to be an alcoholic. I may never have another drink and live another 40 years, but I suspect I will need to work my recovery every day for the rest of my life. The good news: I do it without hesitation, because the life I now enjoy is worth every second of effort it takes to maintain it.
Good luck, sobriety is worth the struggle. Keep asking the hard questions, and stay willing to follow the answers.
I don't know if my experience is similar or relevant, but I held a good job as plant manager, never got a DUI, never lost a job (though I certainly would have deserved it more than once), etc. But I did go from that job to rehab in December 2009 and haven't had a drink since.
You alluded to your estranged father and how your perspective would shift if you were to find yourself playing his tune. My moment of clarity was realizing that I could no longer deny that in all the ways that mattered, I had become an alcoholic just like the parent I had grown to despise. Removing my mother from life support as a last act of saving her from self inflicted harm left me pretty jaded, but I could always fall back on the fact that I never screwed up a marriage... because I didn't marry, or screw up a childhood... because I intentionally never had kids. It was all superficial, but enough to convince me that my drinking was a choice that didn't harm anyone. It carried me a long way.
Alcohol eventually took away every relationship that I cared about, and at the ripe old age of 43 I realized that if I were unfortunate enough to live as long as my mother did, I had a quarter century of downward spiral left. I didn't think I could do another week without jumping out a window.
Most people talk about bottoms in terms of external consequences, but in my experience it's about desperation. The big book talks about the jumping off place - where we are faced with the option of giving up all hope of being able to drink again, or simply giving up all hope. Until you are irretrievably convinced, you will continue to vacillate, it's a simple as that. There is no mantra, philosophy, or guru who can do this for you - it is strictly an inside job.
Four plus years down the road, I find I still need to recommit myself to sobriety pretty much on a daily basis. If I don't do this, within two or three days it seems I start to unravel - my attitude changes, my outlook becomes cynical, my responses to others become curt. I have never let it get beyond a couple of days, but I am certain that to leave my addiction to it's own devices would have me drinking in weeks if not days.
This is what it means to be an alcoholic. I may never have another drink and live another 40 years, but I suspect I will need to work my recovery every day for the rest of my life. The good news: I do it without hesitation, because the life I now enjoy is worth every second of effort it takes to maintain it.
Good luck, sobriety is worth the struggle. Keep asking the hard questions, and stay willing to follow the answers.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 443
Originally Posted by letsgowithJ
Anyone out there get sober without the terrible pitfalls? What do you attach to when the consequences aren't that concrete yet in your moments of weakness.
This is what people mean when they say sobriety is "an inside job." No matter what your external circumstances, you will get better only if the motivation and the desire come from within yourself. You have the same task, and the same chance, as anyone else who has ever walked this difficult road.
It's like you are sitting in a prison cell, imagining that someone outside has locked you in. In fact, you can get up and push the door open yourself. You only have to make the decision, and the resolution, to do it.
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