Easter scrooge needs advice
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Easter scrooge needs advice
Been really crabby and tired lately. Working 12 hour days. Its hard working so much and coming home to a disaster of a house. My urge to drink at night are strong. I really want 6 beers to get a nice buzz. I am afraid if I have one it will send me down a rabbit hole that's really hard to get out of.
Last night I was a couple dick to my wife. She is 9 months pregnant and I feel bad. When the house is a mess my anxiety ramps up. Working 12 hours days and taking care of the house, making dinner and putting our daughter to bed gets really overwhelming. I need to find a new and health way to decompress. I was a complete dick last night and feel bad. Drinking would calm me down. But it did allow me to deal with problems of reality. How do I decompress after working extreme hours? My wife gets extremely sick during her pregnanciesa d iI was suck a mean person last. I don't have time to meditate or get awayfrom home. Is there any other tips to working anxiety and cravings while being home? I feel like a time bomb sometimes.
Last night I was a couple dick to my wife. She is 9 months pregnant and I feel bad. When the house is a mess my anxiety ramps up. Working 12 hours days and taking care of the house, making dinner and putting our daughter to bed gets really overwhelming. I need to find a new and health way to decompress. I was a complete dick last night and feel bad. Drinking would calm me down. But it did allow me to deal with problems of reality. How do I decompress after working extreme hours? My wife gets extremely sick during her pregnanciesa d iI was suck a mean person last. I don't have time to meditate or get awayfrom home. Is there any other tips to working anxiety and cravings while being home? I feel like a time bomb sometimes.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
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Hi letitgo, I worked 12 hour shifts for years, and it is hard. No two ways about it. Your wife won't be pg much longer, just hang in there. Sometimes that is all you can do. I find prayer and meditation get me a long way. Try to let some things go, it won't be forever. If you drink now, it will ruin everything. You have a baby on the way, a wife and a child to think about. They deserve better then a drinking father and husband. You got this man. Hang on and know it will get better. No situation around can't be made worse by drinking. You would still have long work hours, sick wife, house to clean and I know if you were drunk you would not be doing anything to make it better. You are in my prayers. Hang out here when it get bad. It will be okay and your wife will forgive you. I know she is proud of you giving up alcohol.
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Please take this as coming from one person who had an extreme love to drink to another. I am only giving my perspective based on your post and sending a big hug right along with it.
I realize that you have a lot on your plate right now, working long hours, coming home to a disaster, and having to handle all of the household responsibilities can be fuel for resentment. Which in turn makes trying to stay sober that much harder.
It sounds like your wife is in a precarious position right now. She's 9 months pregnant and sick. Tough enough to be 9 months pregnant without being sick and worrying about the house being a mess, cooking dinner, and taking care of a child. On top of that knowing that your husband is going to come home and be angry. That's a lot to handle.
You have the birth of a child that's about to occur. I'm assuming that your happy that a baby is on the way? What's going to happen if you don't clean the house every night? The mess isn't going to go anywhere and eventually you will clean it right? Is there something easier that you can make for dinner or is there something that will be easy for your wife to prepare while she's in this state? Do you have any friends or family who can step up to the plate and help out right now?
Going for a walk after you eat might be a solution. She's not going to be pregnant forever so hopefully things will get better after she has the baby.
I'm glad that you came on here and posted. That was a perfect alternative to drinking. I hope things get better and you already know that drinking is not the solution.
I realize that you have a lot on your plate right now, working long hours, coming home to a disaster, and having to handle all of the household responsibilities can be fuel for resentment. Which in turn makes trying to stay sober that much harder.
It sounds like your wife is in a precarious position right now. She's 9 months pregnant and sick. Tough enough to be 9 months pregnant without being sick and worrying about the house being a mess, cooking dinner, and taking care of a child. On top of that knowing that your husband is going to come home and be angry. That's a lot to handle.
You have the birth of a child that's about to occur. I'm assuming that your happy that a baby is on the way? What's going to happen if you don't clean the house every night? The mess isn't going to go anywhere and eventually you will clean it right? Is there something easier that you can make for dinner or is there something that will be easy for your wife to prepare while she's in this state? Do you have any friends or family who can step up to the plate and help out right now?
Going for a walk after you eat might be a solution. She's not going to be pregnant forever so hopefully things will get better after she has the baby.
I'm glad that you came on here and posted. That was a perfect alternative to drinking. I hope things get better and you already know that drinking is not the solution.
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I need to get her some flowers. Its not her fault. I am just projecting my withdrawl, being over tired and feeling overwhelmed on her. Its not fair and I just feel really guilty. Happy I didn't drink anything. I am going to make it up to here and hit my first AA meeting this morning. I was hesitant about AA but I need to have a release other then taking out my emotions on here. This is our second pregnancy and she gets all of the bad systems. Extreme sickness, fatigue, ext.... She is used to my abuse from my drinking and neglect. I just want to move forward because she doesn't deserve it and I know I am a better persone then that. Thanks for letting me vent SR. It makes me feel better. I owe my wife a lot for not leaving me and being confident/supportive in me as a person. I will figure out a way to release and check out some meeting.
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Letitgo... This is about you. And the most effective thing I ever did was meditate. I took just 60 seconds every morning to stop. That's not a long time. I went out and got a special chair. Those kind you sit on to change clothes. I put it in the corner and would not allow it to be used for clothes hanging or anything but those 60 every morning. All I did was stop for a moment. Sometimes thoughts raced but I tried to stop them.
Soon I got feeling like I could think a little clearer. Soon again just seeing the chair reminded me to think through things.
There seems to be no one cure but many small cures.
And yes... Flowers are a cure you should defiantly go get.
Ken
Soon I got feeling like I could think a little clearer. Soon again just seeing the chair reminded me to think through things.
There seems to be no one cure but many small cures.
And yes... Flowers are a cure you should defiantly go get.
Ken
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I try to think I am a selfless person. I do many things to help others. However, at the end of the day an addict is not sefless just selfish. Its all about me. I need to learn to focus on her feelings and put them above my own anxieties and frustrations. I have been working on this. I just need to take a break before I explode and punch a pillow or go for a walk. Emotions/cravings come and pass. Its human nature to get caught up in them. However, just because I have extreme anxiety/emotions for one moment does not mean I should lash out and be mean. I just need to walk away, journal my feelings and come back when I am calm. I feel so guilty because it was a long 6 days of 12 hours days and I cracked a bit. I really love my family and this is part of my recovery to stay sober, be a role model and better person. Thank you SR for listening. I am really glad I didn't drink because all you all have eluded to it would just make everything worse.
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Originally Posted by letitgo 
I need to get her some flowers. Its not her fault. I am just projecting my withdrawl, being over tired and feeling overwhelmed on her. Its not fair and I just feel really guilty. Happy I didn't drink anything. I am going to make it up to here and hit my first AA meeting this morning. I was hesitant about AA but I need to have a release other then taking out my emotions on here. This is our second pregnancy and she gets all of the bad systems. Extreme sickness, fatigue, ext.... She is used to my abuse from my drinking and neglect. I just want to move forward because she doesn't deserve it and I know I am a better persone then that. Thanks for letting me vent SR. It makes me feel better. I owe my wife a lot for not leaving me and being confident/supportive in me as a person. I will figure out a way to release and check out some meeting.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
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Originally Posted by letitgo
I try to think I am a selfless person. I do many things to help others. However, at the end of the day an addict is not sefless just selfish. Its all about me. I need to learn to focus on her feelings and put them above my own anxieties and frustrations. I have been working on this. I just need to take a break before I explode and punch a pillow or go for a walk. Emotions/cravings come and pass. Its human nature to get caught up in them. However, just because I have extreme anxiety/emotions for one moment does not mean I should lash out and be mean. I just need to walk away, journal my feelings and come back when I am calm. I feel so guilty because it was a long 6 days of 12 hours days and I cracked a bit. I really love my family and this is part of my recovery to stay sober, be a role model and better person. Thank you SR for listening. I am really glad I didn't drink because all you all have eluded to it would just make everything worse.
We will listen and will not judge, that's what this board is all about. We understand. You did a good thing coming here to air and vent!
Please, give yourself credit for that!
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what is huge is that you say "she is used to my abuse and neglect"
you are now sober and abusive to her while she is 9 months pregnant and ill.
many single parents work all day, clean and take care of their kids.
you think you can solve this abuse and get her flowers?
and then feel you are making amends?
you are now sober and abusive to her while she is 9 months pregnant and ill.
many single parents work all day, clean and take care of their kids.
you think you can solve this abuse and get her flowers?
and then feel you are making amends?
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Originally Posted by Fandy
what is huge is that you say "she is used to my abuse and neglect"
you are now sober and abusive to her while she is 9 months pregnant and ill.
many single parents work all day, clean and take care of their kids.
you think you can solve this abuse and get her flowers?
and then feel you are making amends?
you are now sober and abusive to her while she is 9 months pregnant and ill.
many single parents work all day, clean and take care of their kids.
you think you can solve this abuse and get her flowers?
and then feel you are making amends?
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,697
I can only focus on being a better person and treat her better. I am lucky she has put up with me. Can't change the past but I can change the present and future. I need to be more empathetic and understand her
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Actions speak louder than words. I hope you stop the self-pitying "poor me", blaming your nasty attitude towards your wife on your "withdrawal" because I can see it formulating into a justification to drink....just to relax of course....6 beers, you have it all planned out?
nope, you cannot change the past, but changing the future is possible. Your children also deserve a kind sober father who treats both them and their mother with respect.
I don't mean to sound extra harsh, but your words echo so much of what is heard on the other side of this forum....friends and family.....You stopped drinking and that is great, but being nasty to your sick pregnant wife while sober, complaining about the house and putting your daughter to bed and thinking you can fix it with a bouquet of flowers is just clueless.
women who take care of the family, working either at home or a job or most times BOTH, work 24/7.
nope, you cannot change the past, but changing the future is possible. Your children also deserve a kind sober father who treats both them and their mother with respect.
I don't mean to sound extra harsh, but your words echo so much of what is heard on the other side of this forum....friends and family.....You stopped drinking and that is great, but being nasty to your sick pregnant wife while sober, complaining about the house and putting your daughter to bed and thinking you can fix it with a bouquet of flowers is just clueless.
women who take care of the family, working either at home or a job or most times BOTH, work 24/7.
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
A long read, but this is water. It's a process to learn to deal with yourself and your life, even without battling addiction. Like I said, a long read but well worth 20 minutes of your time.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
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Originally Posted by Fandy
Actions speak louder than words. I hope you stop the self-pitying "poor me", blaming your nasty attitude towards your wife on your "withdrawal" because I can see it formulating into a justification to drink....just to relax of course....6 beers, you have it all planned out?
nope, you cannot change the past, but changing the future is possible. Your children also deserve a kind sober father who treats both them and their mother with respect.
I don't mean to sound extra harsh, but your words echo so much of what is heard on the other side of this forum....friends and family.....You stopped drinking and that is great, but being nasty to your sick pregnant wife while sober, complaining about the house and putting your daughter to bed and thinking you can fix it with a bouquet of flowers is just clueless.
women who take care of the family, working either at home or a job or most times BOTH, work 24/7.
nope, you cannot change the past, but changing the future is possible. Your children also deserve a kind sober father who treats both them and their mother with respect.
I don't mean to sound extra harsh, but your words echo so much of what is heard on the other side of this forum....friends and family.....You stopped drinking and that is great, but being nasty to your sick pregnant wife while sober, complaining about the house and putting your daughter to bed and thinking you can fix it with a bouquet of flowers is just clueless.
women who take care of the family, working either at home or a job or most times BOTH, work 24/7.
I think your right. I need to refocus, work on myself and stop blaming by problems on everything except for myself.
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Originally Posted by MythOfSisyphus
A long read, but this is water. It's a process to learn to deal with yourself and your life, even without battling addiction. Like I said, a long read but well worth 20 minutes of your time.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
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I don't know how old your daughter is but how about putting her in the stroller and taking her for a nice long walk before bedtime? Give your wife some peace and quiet. Give you some peace and quiet. Lull your daughter to sleep. Especially now that the weather in Illinois is finally, finally getting nice. I have learned to not try to meditate or get quiet time for me at the kids bedtime. Just doesn't work. Early in the morning or later in the evening. I also find that when things are really bothering me about the housework, my kids, etc. and I am getting really angry about it I only have to look in the mirror to see the source of the problem. The serenity prayer really works for me in most situations. When I was newer to sobriety I attended a 6 a.m. meeting every day. It really helped start my day on a very positive note. It the time works for you it might help out.
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