tough day
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: USA Virginia
Posts: 294
tough day
Finishing day 2. Husband passed out in the living room. I had a sober day he did not. I cant stand to be around him when he is drunk and I am not. How on earth am I going to do this? He says he'll be supportive but at least he could have stopped before he got totally wasted...but then again he's an alcoholic too. Just gotta try to go to sleep. He won't drink the rest of the weekend but this was a very tough day. Im glwd there was nothing in the house to drink. Just venting. Thanks.
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Virginia
Posts: 436
Congrats on Day 2. You did the right thing by coming on here - it can't be easy having a spouse that drinks. Mine gave it up when I quit, but he wasn't an alcoholic so it wasn't an issue for him. You have to concentrate on YOU, as hard as that may be with a drinker in the house.
Try to get to meetings if you can and most certainly come here. You're not alone in this!
Try to get to meetings if you can and most certainly come here. You're not alone in this!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: USA Virginia
Posts: 294
I kinds thought he wouldn't go quite that far when I am just starting. I hope he will realize that in the morning and we can do it different next time we are around friends. I have a daughter that's worried about me and a granddaughter that I want to have a sober granny. A pint of vodka a day takes a toll.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
If I'm being honest, I would say no he won't, if you swapped places, would you have changed your habits? . . . yes in theory the answer would be yes, but in reality the answer is probably no!! . . . we all know that first drink leads to many more, no matter what!!
The answer being, you need to talk to him, open up about how your feeling and reach a solution!!
We're all in your corner!!
The answer being, you need to talk to him, open up about how your feeling and reach a solution!!
We're all in your corner!!
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 84
It's not how much you drink... Some drink much more and some probably drink less... If it is interfering w your life it is a problem. I was a vodka drinker too only I have no idea how much I drank on most days when i was active. It was an all day event to tolerate patients and school then to forget about it all at night. Vodka f's people up faster than some others esp 80 or greater proof. My husband and I have a no alcohol policy in the house. He doesnt care about alcohol but would NEVER drink in front of me... You need to have a SERIOUS chat w your husband... He is being toxic!
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 49
I know how extremely tough it can be when two alcoholics get married. I was 8.5 years sober when I met my wife to be. She was drinking at the time after previously having 10 years of sobriety. In all honesty, we hit it off tremendously. We fell head over heels in love. Quickly. We got married. Quickly.
Unfortunately, shortly after we met, I picked up and started drinking again. We enabled each other. We were drinking buddies. We never fought or argued. But we drank. And drank. And drank some more. We procrastinated in things that responsibly we should have done. We spent money irresponsibly.
Not too long into the marriage, we both decided to quit. Typically we'd go two or three weeks sober and then as it most often happened I'd come home from being out running errands or some such and find she had been drinking. It was not hard to tell. That always would cause me to drink as well, cause as you said, I could not handle her drinking when I was sober. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em was the way I looked at it.
We went round and round like that for the better part of a year. Then she got arrested for a DWI. We stayed sober for the better part of a month after that, but one day I came home to find her drunk again and it was off to the bottle for me again. Two days later I got a DWI.
That was August 18, 2013. We both quit drinking on that day and kept to it. But our relationship without alcohol slowly but surely went downhill.
By December 2013, we separated. I'm still sober 8 months now. I believe she started drinking again shortly after we separated and in January 2014 she said she wanted a divorce.
I accept that but I grieve the loss. We really loved each other and aside from the booze we had so much going for us. Similar intellect, sense of humor, both very compassionate, a strong physical attraction and so on.
So I mourn and try to understand the loss. I wish her well. I really do. We still email and text message, rarely speak on the phone. It's mostly now about finishing up affairs between us. Businesslike and cordial for the most part.
It's extremely sad.
I hope you have a better outcome. There's not much information available about what happens when two alcoholics marry. I only have my personal experience.
Scott
Unfortunately, shortly after we met, I picked up and started drinking again. We enabled each other. We were drinking buddies. We never fought or argued. But we drank. And drank. And drank some more. We procrastinated in things that responsibly we should have done. We spent money irresponsibly.
Not too long into the marriage, we both decided to quit. Typically we'd go two or three weeks sober and then as it most often happened I'd come home from being out running errands or some such and find she had been drinking. It was not hard to tell. That always would cause me to drink as well, cause as you said, I could not handle her drinking when I was sober. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em was the way I looked at it.
We went round and round like that for the better part of a year. Then she got arrested for a DWI. We stayed sober for the better part of a month after that, but one day I came home to find her drunk again and it was off to the bottle for me again. Two days later I got a DWI.
That was August 18, 2013. We both quit drinking on that day and kept to it. But our relationship without alcohol slowly but surely went downhill.
By December 2013, we separated. I'm still sober 8 months now. I believe she started drinking again shortly after we separated and in January 2014 she said she wanted a divorce.
I accept that but I grieve the loss. We really loved each other and aside from the booze we had so much going for us. Similar intellect, sense of humor, both very compassionate, a strong physical attraction and so on.
So I mourn and try to understand the loss. I wish her well. I really do. We still email and text message, rarely speak on the phone. It's mostly now about finishing up affairs between us. Businesslike and cordial for the most part.
It's extremely sad.
I hope you have a better outcome. There's not much information available about what happens when two alcoholics marry. I only have my personal experience.
Scott
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Virginia
Posts: 436
Originally Posted by not2late 
He only drinks on the weekend where I drink..drank..everyday. I will talk to him tomorrow. Thank you all for being here. I'm very determined. My life depends on it.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,649
Hello not2late. Congratulations on two days. I know it is hard when your husband is drinking, but do what you have to do for you. My husband is drunk every night. I don't drink. I know he won't quit till he is ready, but I am ready now. It would be easier if he did not drink, but it is what it is. I love him very much, and I don't want to be without him. It just means I have to stay strong and I can do this. I come here often, and the support here is great. I wish you nothing but the best. You are not alone. We are all here with you.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: USA Virginia
Posts: 294
Thank you for your post karma. I think we do feed on and enable each other. To tell you the truth I don't know how this will work out. I was dry for 3 months last year and he did fairly well meaning drank a lot less. I started back thinking I could moderate. Of course that didn't work. Now I'm wondering if he thinks this time will be short lived too. We too spend way too much on drinking. We only have relationships with friends who are also alcoholics and none of them show any signs of slowing down. One day at a time I guess. If I keep drinking I'll lose too much. Hopefully he will
unders tand this.
unders tand this.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 49
I wish you the best in your relationship and hope you can both get and stay sober. It's really tragic. I have nothing but compassion and empathy for the situation you are in. Feel free to send me a PM anytime if you'd care to discuss further.
I don't have all the answers but I have lots of understanding.
Take care.
I don't have all the answers but I have lots of understanding.
Take care.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 84
Bawhahaha! Moderate . Yah, riiiight... Glad you realize that that doesnt happen. I remember starting back at one point having 3 glasses of wine and dumping the rest and I was so proud of myself... I threw the rest away and said "good for you! You are controlling this!" Hahaha until the next day. Oh I so had nothing under control. My husband found me incoherent and was about to call the ambulance. He was sooo angry... Needless to say, I did not drink again for over 3 years and had to get a lot of help to satisfy him and stop myself. I was a wreck! Im glad you know that you cannot control this! You cannot moderate
. Yah, riiiight... Glad you realize that that doesnt happen. I remember starting back at one point having 3 glasses of wine and dumping the rest and I was so proud of myself... I threw the rest away and said "good for you! You are controlling this!" Hahaha until the next day. Oh I so had nothing under control. My husband found me incoherent and was about to call the ambulance. He was sooo angry... Needless to say, I did not drink again for over 3 years and had to get a lot of help to satisfy him and stop myself. I was a wreck! Im glad you know that you cannot control this! You cannot moderate
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