Perfectionism in (early) Recovery
 

Hi there,

Just looking to relate. Any time I've shared something I thought was unique to me and learned it wasn't all, it really helped me and I guess I could use that help now.

Can anyone relate to the feeling of having to drink again so they can start the sobriety the "right" way the next time? I'm not defending this behaviour at all - just writing it, it sounds sick - I'm just wondering if anyone else has even struggled with it.

I am sober, was sober yesterday, went to two recovery meetings, really opened my ears. This morning, I got up, went about my business, and didn't do all the things I said I would do when I went to bed (journal, pray, meditate, NOT lose my head with a family member). Then, like clockwork, this thought creeps into my head to go down to the store and start again tomorrow, perfectly. It's sick, I know! I know, I know.. and I'm fighting it. It's just when I'm in the middle of it, I think 'I must just be crazy! Not alcoholic.. I must just want attention, not sobriety...' And so goes the merry-go-round. Do you think this is just my addicted voice finding any means to get me to drink? I ask because it plays such a huge role in me spinning over the same old 'am I or aren't I'.. I know I just need to accept one way or another and go from there, and I want this - I want sobriety... this half of the day.. Geez, just reading this back boggles my mind. Maybe I need only read my own words back to me to see how messed up my thinking is.

Thanks, in advance, for sharing.

I can relate.

There is no right way to stay stopped, we just do it one day after the next!

Keep moving forward, you are worth it!!

Just focus on getting the important part down first -- the not drinking -- and then you can work on doing it with panache and style afterwards :)

I relate. I hung out in that same realm for years. If the day did not go just right, I'd "start tomorrow." Looking back, I was just looking for reasons, and "starting tomorrow" made me feel better about "tonight." As soon as I stopped this thinking, I was finally able to begin. I had to tell myself that, no matter what happens, I'm not drinking.

It also really helped me to identify the "start tomorrow" voice as my addict voice trying to get me to drink, trying to kill me. I stopped listening.

Just do what ever you have to do to stay sober today. If you do not pick up the first drink you have been successful today. Progress not perfection

Yep.

You only have to be perfect in not picking up the first drink. The rest will come in time. When I get that wrapped up in my own head, I go to a meeting and it helps. Sometimes you just have to get as far away as possible from your own thoughts.

Hang in there, you are doing great.

Lyricchi. I see you have been a member much longer than I, but I always have found that all the planning to do everything perfect means absolutly nothing if you let your AV steer you to drink! I would love to have , make everthing perfect in my life , but I will not let it cause me to drink. Instead I strive for perfection in the things I do but let myself off the hook , by telling myself I did well and I didn't drink because of some minor flaws in my endeavors!

You are definitely not alone!

Addicts will always stop using tomorrow and people going on a diet always start next Monday. Definitely not a phenomenon.

Those words are meant to hold off working on sobriety and recovery and nothing more. They are tough to overcome but every time you stand your ground it gets easier.

You CAN do this!

Oh man, I feel your pain. I tried every method in the book to keep on drinking. One last time, then I'll quit. Solemn vows. Flushing the stuff down the sink. And I was still a drunk.
Alcohol contoled me. No getting away from it either, and I never let drinking get in the way of things like going to work or being a good boyfriend to my girl.

Going to meetings helped me a lot. So did the realazation that I was beat. Alcohol won. Finally had to admit that. Once I did that, I could work on getting sober.
Took me a few tries, but it's been three years three months since I had a drink. And believe me, by the end I was a falling down blackout drinking mess.

I hope you find support here, this place helps keep me sober with posts like yours, so thank you.
Wishing you the best.

I hear you about perfectionism, I am the queen of it, but what is the "perfect" way to become sober. You are putting a lot of pressure on yourself with what you "should" be doing. I decided I would get fit and healthy at the same time when I first decided to get sober. I put so much pressure on myself to succeed that guess what, I didn't - no surprise there. Why not just simplify it all and just concentrate on not picking up that drink? I think I was just trying to follow a model of how I thought I was meant to quit drinking. It's not one size fits all, you need to find what is right for you. Best wishes x

I was forever planning the best way and the best time to stop. Of course it never happened.

When I did stop it was almost surprising. It felt like Forest Gump when he just suddenly stops running and announces he's going home. I just woke up one morning (after again sleeping in the lounge) and just thought "that's it", and it was! I was miserable as heck for a while but strangely I knew that this time was it.

Totally normal. Tomorrow is always a good day to do anything. My only advice is "Don't pick up the first drink, no matter what!" If you feel you need a drink, come here, run, take a shower, whatever. One day at a time you can do this. It will get easier. You can still do tomorrow right. Just do it. You don't have to drink today to do tomorrow right. Congrats on two days. I know the beginning is hard. Hang with us.

The part of me that wants to drink will try every trick in the book .....then some.

I try not to over think it- the next step is rationalising

There was no end to the labyrinthine rationalisations I could make for another drink :)

Anything that tells you another drink is a good/right/correct idea is a lie.

The only wrong way to get sober is to drink again.

The right way is whatever it takes to make sure your last drink stays in the past tense :)

D