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Question:tell kids "mom is an alcoholic" or "mom struggled with alcohol"



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Question:tell kids "mom is an alcoholic" or "mom struggled with alcohol"

Old 04-18-2014, 09:21 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Im not sure Izzy... Because I don't have any living children, but my baby also died last month at 3 months old (she was full term and beautiful) and I relapsed after 3 yrs shortly thereafter her death (3weeks). Im sorry about your baby, but glad to know We are not alone. Thanks
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Old 04-18-2014, 09:24 PM
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The difference between my story and some that I see here is that my husband had to be convinced that I have a problem. He had no idea that I drank every nite. I had become so acclimated to 1, 2, 3 - sometimes more glasses if wine - that I guess I became good at hiding it. I haven't done anything crazy with my kids - no big drama. Just the dependence on that nightly fix - for years(it didn't start that way of course) and knowing that it will continue to progress and worsen if I don't quit. My heart was starting to go crazy each nite when the alc would wear off. And even though I wasn't getting uncontrollably drunk, I was still drinking every nite- and being sneaky about it. And revolving my life in many ways around having my "time". Maybe not as bad as it could be but bad enough for me.
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Old 04-18-2014, 09:27 PM
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A lot of women drink in secret. I drank at home, on my own (no husband or kids), so no one really has any idea alcohol was a problem for me.
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Old 04-18-2014, 09:32 PM
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TigerL, that is what I am concerned about. And bc I have a very open relationship w my kids, I don't even know how that would work.

CP, I am so sorry about your loss. I told my husband today(he's just learning that he's married to an alcoholic and handling it famously, I might add) that I think I've struggled with alcohol my whole life. I've never had a healthy relationship with it. But it's been like a wolf at the door. After we lost our baby boy, it's like the wolf finally got in. So sucks. 9 days sober today
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Old 04-18-2014, 09:36 PM
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TigerL and CP- thank you for your thoughts. I just tried to respond but don't see it- may try again later.
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Old 04-18-2014, 09:37 PM
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Keep an eye on them when they get older. If they do have it then God willing you would be able to get them into the rooms, get a sponsor, work the steps and recover young!

In the meantime you do the same and then you will be the role model for them you want to be:-)

As for how to put that phrase when telling them, when they are older after reviewing your motivation for sharing this with them, with your sponsor...use whichever phrase your sponsor suggests.
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Old 04-18-2014, 09:47 PM
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As we learn in AA and rehab, Drinking is merely a symptom of our disease. Glad your husband is supporting you. Now you can put efforts into something far more worth it than drinking.
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Old 04-18-2014, 10:05 PM
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CP, what does that mean? What is the disease?
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Old 04-18-2014, 11:55 PM
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I told my girls mummy is healthy and alcohol isn't good for your health
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Old 04-19-2014, 10:23 AM
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Originally Posted by izzy8 View Post
CP, what does that mean? What is the disease?
contrary to opinion, AA neither originated or proclaimed what has become to be known as the disease concept of alcoholism. it considers it a malady.
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Old 04-19-2014, 10:53 AM
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I'm beginning to see the science behind this. That there is something very medical and real behind the simple decision to drink. That's why I'm curious as to what aa thinks of as far as what the "disease" is. This week has been like an awakening for me. Alcohol has always been a problem for me. I was just able to keep it at bay/ it wasn't an everyday or consistent problem until 6 years ago- when it became chronic. Yes, it's a choice to drink. But I'm realizing that genetically/ biologically/ however you want to look at it- I came at that choice very differently than some.
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Old 04-19-2014, 12:10 PM
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Hi Izzy,

I recently discovered a section in SR called secular recovery (I think) and it has some very interesting and helpful information about the science of addiction.

I'd keep it very simpy with young kids. With my 19 year old son? Our conversations are very frank and honest, which is just the way I want them -- and it sounds like you do, too, when the time is right. He and his friends are equally honest about this stuff -- they spend enough time here to know I sit in my "spot" with a glass of wine more often than not when they pop over in the evening. Several of his buddies have recovering alcoholic parents that I even know of. They like me anyway, I make them dinner and keep up with their lives. I:-). I know my son doesn't drink (a weird positive impact of parents who drink) and his friends don't drink when they are here at least.

It will be OK. Your kids love you and will forgive you and learn empathy from this.

Have a happy Easter... My potato salad is made for our dinner at my niece's house -- yeah! Why do I volunteer for such a labor intensive side dishes, lol?
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Old 04-19-2014, 12:17 PM
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Originally Posted by izzy8 View Post
CP, what does that mean? What is the disease?
Alcoholism Izzy! Hope you and yours are well , Happy Easter! Stay Strong and Well! Bobby
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Old 04-19-2014, 12:24 PM
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Holli,

Thank you! That is so what I needed to hear. For us this yr, my husband is grilling for Easter. The thought of a big meal completely overwhelmed me. I am baking a cake .

Happy Easter!
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Old 04-19-2014, 12:27 PM
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Amazing, I laughed when I read your post(at myself). I guess I'm learning what part of it all is the disease. But I believe now more than ever that it is one.
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Old 04-19-2014, 01:48 PM
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Part of me wants to say not to agonize over what to tell the kids. The bigger deal you make out of it, the bigger deal it will be... And for you, it doesnt have to be. I am an alcoholic. I am an addict. I know this. Maybe I havent embraced it, but I don't care to refer to myself as an alcoholic or addict. I do in meetings and when my husband talks to me about it... But if I share that bit with anyone else, I tell them that "in the past, I had some problems with alcohol and that I choose not to drink". Nobody cares and especially nobody new has ever cared or asked why
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Old 04-19-2014, 02:10 PM
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Agonize over what to tell your kids with my approval, because our drinking impacts our kids early. I struggle to tell this story, for fear of outing my anonymous standing as well as my personal embarrassment, but my mother just LOVES to recount how my now-19-year-old son went to our home with them after a holiday event at the church and offered them "wine, beer of coffee" before we got home, because that is what he knew mom and dad drank, and he was just being sociable. At um, 5 or 6? Not a proud moment for me/us. Even more disconcerting is that we are still drinking some 15 years later, oy....

The ugly side of me has to add that alcoholism is rampant on my side of the family. I don't know why I am being spiteful about this.

And Izzy, geez, I don't want to hijack your thread... As I said before, my son and I are very close years later. We've always been close.
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Old 04-19-2014, 02:16 PM
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CP, I am tempted to offer you some clinical advice as you offered me last night...
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Old 04-19-2014, 02:29 PM
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Originally Posted by Holli View Post
CP, I am tempted to offer you some clinical advice as you offered me last night...
?
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Old 04-19-2014, 02:35 PM
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I am throwing burgers on the grill and heading out to an Indigo Girls concert at our local hall afterwards. How is that for a throwback? Have a great night, friends, and stay sober.
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