kellygurl1711

I am 23 and newly sober. I've always thought off my drinking as part of my identity. It became my whole identity. "What do you do for fun?" "I mostly just drink a lot" Now I'm 36 days sober and I'm finding a lot of things are changing. I tried to go out with my siblings to a bar because that's where they were going and i wanted to see my sister who's in from CA. i shouldn't have. I felt so uncomfortable and like i was stopping everyone else from having a good time because i was sober. I wish i never went so they could've had a good time. Now my best friend and (old) drinking buddy it's coming home from college this weekend for Easter and I'm afraid things will be different with her as well. For the past 3or more years we've bonded more than anything over drinking. That's just what we do...or, did. Losing my best friend is not a change i want to happen because of my sobriety. They're supposed to be positive changes, not damaging ones...right?>>>>>>>>> If anyone has any advice on how cope with living with an alcoholic family and a best friend who drinks heavily , feel free to comment. Thanks.

Coffeecake

Tough questions! First, way to go on 36 days of being sober. I truly doubt you were keeping your family from having fun. I have found that some people are uncomfortable with the choice of being sober. I suspect it has more to do with them and their possible questioning of themselves and their relationship with alcohol. You weren't responsible for their good time with alcohol and your aren't responsible for their fun if you don't drink. It is difficult but try to just be in the moment. Take it moment by moment. I usually feel a bit sad in those circumstances because I realize how shallow my relationships were and that the alcohol is what bonded us, not love, trust and friendship.....but beer. As for the best friend, I agree that is hard. Family will hopefully stick by you but friends can come and go. Give your friend some credit. If they are your best friend they should be fine. Don't let a bit of awkwardness for the first few moments keep you from talking and sharing memories and making plans. Your friend could be happy for you and completely supportive. If they aren't, that is because of where they are.....and at times friends can be on different journeys. Just remember that you are sober for YOU! You only have time for people who are going to be supportive and believe you are a wonderful person. There may be some lonely times, but they are not rejecting YOU....the alcohol is clouding their judgment. I wish you the best. Stay strong, believe in yourself, and be proud of yourself!!

HumbleNumb

Let me put your mind at ease... My BFF was my drinking buddy too... that was a big joke between us... "We're destined to be friends because we can drink everyone else under the table"... it was a bond we shared and the lifeblood of our friendship. Shortly after I started my recovery, I knew how she felt (although she never said anything), and my time with her was limited because I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable around me... she continued drinking and had plenty of other people who were there to drink with her... but something happened over the next few months.... when she saw that I was happy, healthy, and that I believed in what I was doing (I didn't just stop a while and start back)... she took a closer look at herself... without saying a word, she stopped too. She and I are closer now than we were before, and we still share a common bond... sobriety. I think our respect and love for each other has grown even stronger through it. You don't have to preach it, or even talk about it... let your lifestyle speak for you, and let grace flow out of you to her... Maybe you are going to be the inspiration SHE needs... its possible...
Good luck! and Happy Easter

kellygurl1711

Thanks for your replies! They have helped ease my worries. I'll live in the moment and take it a day at a time. I will get through this holiday sober.

Thepatman

Good for you!! As above post, you will shine your light and might become a lighthouse for others stuck in the fog of Alcohol ;-)