SkyBlueSky

My early stages have been wrought with passing out at 7 PM and, if I keep going, happy-go-lucky self-destruction. I just drove blacked out to a friend's house. I do not remember arriving at my friends house; I went and purchased beer, cigs, and fast food. Within an hour, I must have been passed out. I did not get to spend any quality time with a friend of 17 years.

I sincerely hate that my choices may have ended a nearly two decade relationship. It is embarrassing and shameful.

In a similar situation, I lost the love of my life (I think many can relate to this). I drank alone while she was working and semi-sober up before she got home to avoid the inevitable, "Have you been drinking question?" I always went over the top in order to convince her that her suspicion was unfounded. I felt comfortable berating her for trying to catch me in the act. For 2 years, she put up with it - but then, I got kicked out.

Now, I am alone to my ow devices. My thought patterns have consistently been selfish and unrewarding in the long term. I think the last time I wasn't on a cocktail of marijuana, benzodiazepines, and beer (India Pale Ales), was when I was 18. As much as I can see the cycle of destruction, I wake up thinking, "Two beers won't hurt. Hell! I am tapering right now. Isn't drinking part of a taper?"

Then I find myself 10 beers in and the cravings growing more intense.

The final issues are: no health insurance, dental insurance, and money. I have severe jaw pain and a broken thumb and no way to pay for health services.

Yet, I am comfortable with my misery. That is the hardest part aside from admitting that I have a problem.

I know I can only realistically receive cyber support from this community, and without insurance (and no free clinics in my area), I am forced to go on this journey alone.

Does anyone have a routine that seems to work for them? Not a personalized routine, but parts of a routine that seem to universally help alcoholics feel better and GAIN COURAGE to conquer the need to self-medicate.

Goldcoastgirl

You should go onto the newcomers for recovery forum. This is the area best for you to get support. There is also and April 2014 group you can join.

Raider

Wow.. Well. No way is easy. I might try an ER for short term detox. Kind of dangerous on your own. After detox, you need to make a decision. Stop or not. Those are the only choices you get my Friend, just like the rest of us addicts. Not making this decision, is a decision. And never stop trying. Ever. Blessings Friend.

Thepatman

There is no magic trick to stop drinking.

But if you ask for things that work with pretty much everyone that have success and did about their routine and lifestyle?

Almost every aspect of your life needs change. People you hang out with, places you go, new hobbies, name it.

Drinking, as i did for 20 years became the core of my lifestyle. Now I am learning to walk again, on the path of a healthy and happy life, sober.

EndGameNYC

Yeah, there's a reason why there's no "Tips & Tricks" section on SR. Things like that tend to work only after we've put down the drink.

You may not agree, or even know it, but you're deep into it right now. I know there are people who've done sobriety on their own; I just don't know many of them.

I needed to make a commitment not to drink, no matter what, and then change everything of significance in my life. This was following a three-year relapse during which I destroyed a sterling professional reputation, alienated everyone who cared for me, brought myself to financial ruin and, yes, lost the love of my life.

I'm pretty sure I answered your question.