Self-Destructive
 

I made a commitment to stop drinking mid-day yesterday. At around 5 PM, I went out and got two Icehouse tallboys. I took a Klonopin earlier in the day. I felt fine - not drunk. Later I made plans to visit a friend an hour away. In the middle of my drive, I must have blacked out because I do not remember arriving at my friends house. I went out and bought more beer, cigarettes and fast food. I don't remember socializing with my friends, and I woke up on his couch this morning at 5 AM. Before everyone else woke up, I left out of embarrassment. I texted my friend how sorry I was; how I needed to re-evaluate my decisions and never drink again. He has not replied although I know he is up getting ready for work.

I sincerely think I just destroyed a friendship of 17+ years. I am scared because I only have two friends in life, and I am becoming self-destructive. Can anyone help with this specific situation?

Eventually our actions grow tiresome and harmful to others. I will be even more lonely after today, which seems even more challenging than starting recovery with a small support system.

Has anyone "gone it alone" with only a few individuals that love you unconditionally? This seems like a day to drink, but I am fighting the urge.

Anyone?
 

Anyone out there? This is killing me inside. My roommates have stopped talking to me; my childhood friend won't pick up my calls; and my family is on vacation. I am really weak right now.

Im here Sky! You made some bad choices, its done, cannot change that. The fact that you texted your friend is a good start to repairing the damage. What you do starting now will make all the difference. Have you tried calling AA? Even if you are not into that, a voice can make all the difference. Do not dwell on the past, as I said that cannot be changed, but your future can be. Keep posting, visit the chat room, write, anything it takes!!

Sky, are you ok? If you need to chat you can PM me. Pls let us know you are ok. You are not alone x

Here also, sorry I just saw your thread.

Are you looking at the option of quitting? I swear that if you make a plan, seek local support from AA or a recovery group and stop all Alcohol that you will feel 200% better than now within a short time.

Alcohol can really blur up our way of thinking and really depresses the hell out of us.

Can you talk with your doctor about what's going on? He can help you stop safely and give you something for the anxiety of quitting. Doctors are there and have seen it all.

Hi Sky - you posted this in the Daily Support forum by mistake.
There's not much through traffic there :)

I think the best thing you can do is quit - and mean it.

It was a Good Friday when I quit for good - I've managed to stay sober since with the help of SR.

It really can be done :)

D

I had a similar thing happen to me on August 1, 2008. I woke up on my own couch with no idea how I got there or what I did the night before. As I became more lucid, checked my phone log, and talked to friends and neighbors, I realized one thing...I never, ever wanted to feel like that again. And fortunately, there was one fool-proof way to make sure it never happened again; stop drinking. I did and I have never, ever looked back.

You know what you have to do. If your friend of 17 years sees your serious, maybe he/she will come around, maybe they won't. I was lucky, mine did...but not at first. I was sober for almost 2 years before one friend forgave me and wanted to restart a friendship. I'm glad she took the chance on me, I missed her but I certainly couldn't fault her if she didn't want to...because in all honesty...I still don't have a clear picture of what I did on July 31, 2008. I know it was nothing illegal...but I do know I embarrassed the hell out of myself and my friend.

P.S. Sky- I think many of us have "gone it alone". When you make the decision to get sober a funny thing sometimes happens...your drinking friends don't want you around because your sober and your sober friends and family basically don't believe your serious and have had it with all the BS. So many, many people start the road to recovery alone; but if you serious about sobriety and seek out help such as AA or NA meetings...it won't stay that way long!