SolitaryThinker

Yea, I'm anxious anyway too..I don't wanna type 100mph again but I'm really having a hard time here, I'm trying the breathing methods and whatnot, I can't relax

zerothehero

I can relate, but Dee knows, and it does level out. I also did plenty of psychedelics and other drugs. I dropped them bit by bit, but my last alcohol withdrawal was a prolonged white-knuckler. Deep belly breaths. Count four in, hold for four, and four out. Continue three to ten times.

I did a lot of writing. Guilt, fear, anxiety, regret, paranoia, shame... I felt like I was under attack. All the above helped me. Exercise, creativity, process writing, breathing, reading.

Many sources talk about leaning into rather than fighting the emotions. Stare that anxiety down. It has no real power, and you can rob its power by facing it. Embrace that vicious dog and it will calm and eventually lick your face and become your friend.

It gets better. And it's worth it. Everyone is different, but I am so much more grounded and healthy and enjoying life compared to just a few months ago. Keep visiting this place. It helps.

SolitaryThinker

Yea I def hear that, d is amazing, I'm the stubborn and messed up one. You know where I'm coming from here now tho, 15 tabs in one night, X-ray vision status. So I'm sitting here really wondering what is my alachol withdrawal and that. What is anxiety and what is here from those visions. It's not a cool place to be in mentally.

Dee74

I spent more than one night too scared to sleep.

My test was always if things looked better in daylight, cool - if not - see a Dr regardless of the cost.

D

zerothehero

I came upon this meditation one day when I was freaking out. I close my eyes and observe my thoughts. As a thought enters my head, I acknowledge it, and then say to myself, "...and it's a beautiful thing." It's a way of letting the stream of consciousness happen, letting go of judgement, and accepting. The opposite of anxiety is acceptance. For example:

I'm thinking about the wind, and it's a beautiful thing.
I'm thinking about my mom, and it's a beautiful thing.
I'm thinking about her death - that I wasn't there, and it's a beautiful thing.
I'm thinking about my job, and it's a beautiful thing.
I'm thinking about a book I'm reading, and it's a beautiful thing.
I'm thinking about existentialism and Buddhism, and it's a beautiful thing.
I'm thinking about frozen mango and pecans, and it's a beautiful thing.
I'm thinking about that knot in my gut, and it's a beautiful thing.
I'm thinking it could be a growth, and it's a beautiful thing.
I'm thinking I could die, and it's a beautiful thing.
I'm thinking I could live, and it's a beautiful thing.
I'm thinking about sex, and it's a beautiful thing.
I'm thinking about mountains and meadows, and it's a beautiful thing.
I'm thinking about Stella Blue, and it's a beautiful thing...

You get the idea. It helps me calm when anxiety becomes overwhelming. It's worth a try.

SolitaryThinker

That sounds like something I will try and utilize next time I get whacky. I know it's gonna get easier, that's why I'm not flaking out and giving up that easy. I'm just dealing with stuff I have been putting off for way too long. Before my girl left she said "damn, you have been hiding all of this stuff incredibly well with all the booze and drugs"
I guess that's why I feel like this, I know it will get better but I'm so used to having that party lifestyle around. I'm literally freaking out without it. But my body is done. I'm done, and my family is done. I want this all for myself, I just don't wanna be a psychopath either. I'm non violent, and very peaceful, but completely trapped in my own head.

SolitaryThinker

The honest truth, I want to go away to a place for a month and do like a full program, but I have pressure being put on me from all angles of my family (parents, brother, etc.) that I need to do better and get a better job to feel better with my life. And none of what I have done is a secret. I'm scrambling two jobs, paying rent, all my bills, and even stuff for my significant other now cause of her situation, it's never enough for these people. I'm always called the F up and failure while everyone else has their jobs and homes. I know I made mistakes. I miss my dad so much and it's really where a huge block of my sadness comes from. Now I have been living my life these past few years with a whole bunch of "what if this" "what if that" and I can't do that either. I have a lot going on, and trying to quit while it's all around me if I like it or not, I'm just really struggling, and REALLY was freaking out....actually reading the articles sent to me calmed me down a bit....I understand a bit more what's going on cause of them as well....really having a hard night I guess...it's not an easy road...and this is my first step up at bat....thanks <3

zerothehero

We are all trapped in our own heads.
We are all free to explore our own heads.
We want to fight what happens in our own heads.
But rather, we must accept everything that happens in our own heads.
In the end all we really have are our own heads.
If I had a stroke I would still have to live in my own head.
If I am damaged by that bottle of liquid I still have my own head.
If I've lost brain cells from nights of I.P.A., cabernet, and Laphroig it's still my own head.
I will go to bed with my own head.
I will wake up to my own head.
I will occupy my own head.
I will be thankful I can still type these words from my own head.
I am okay in my own head.
I am healing my own head.
I am practicing loving kindness with my own head.
I am practicing loving kindness for my own head.
I am aware that my own head may well be your own head.
My head is your head is godhead is still my own head.

zerothehero

I felt the same. A month would be great. It just wasn't practical for me.

I read somewhere that depression dwells in the past and anxiety dwells in the future. What we have is right here. The more I can accept or even embrace that the better I feel.

I need sleep cuz my panic attacks usually come when I'm lacking sleep. You're doing alright. It sounds like you're getting your head around it.

They talk about urge surfing or crave surfing. I like to think of anxiety surfing. When it comes I grab my board and try to ride it. I fall and get all wet and tumbly in it. These emotions pass like waves. Ride them til they wash out and leave you with some calm.

Buenas noches, amigo.

SolitaryThinker

Thanks so much, this was some good perspective, thanks my man, rest well dude

SolitaryThinker

Haha I don't even wanna get started about sleep, I'm pretending for now that sleep is something lucky if it works out at all....I'm not drinking, im not gonna....I just need to rationally and calmly sit down and learn some of these tools, and embrace them, so when anytime of peril comes...I have a mental toolbox of ways to own it instead of being crushed by it like I am this evening. I understand my mission objective, it's just highly distorted right now.

SolitaryThinker

Took a 7 min anxiety test thingy from a link sent to me and scored a 73%, I really need to relax, beyond just the drinking! I really need to relax

SolitaryThinker

28 is too young to worry about THIS much stuff, concidering I have no kids....

SouthernBe11e

Do you have any good things to snack on while you're reading this forum? It helps me when I'm munching on carrot sticks and dip or a crunchy apple or a bowl of oatmeal with raisins while I'm reading. They say there are some foods which help you sleep, like bananas or a tuna fish sandwich. Hope this helps you relax.

SolitaryThinker

Damn your read my mind! I just said to myself well if I can't sleep then I'm gonna friggen eat.
I just made a turkey sandwich and some iced T 8)

Maximilian85

Hi SolitaryThinker, I was in the exact same boat as you not long ago, I'm 28 too and had been drinking for years - like yourself I had taken quite a lot of LSD in the past and thought that it was that had screwed my brain up as I couldn't believe that alcohol withdrawal could be so terrifyingly bad but it really is, I though I was going mad too with hours and hours of anxiety a day lasting a few weeks. I'm at a month sober now and the anxiety has pretty much gone but I still have quite a bit of depression.

My advice is, you're not going mad, everyday will get slightly better but you need to do things to take your mind off the withdrawals, I used some herbal supplements like valerian root and 5-HTP which really helped my anxiety and depression. Tell all your close friends and family what you are going through, they will understand and will help you (my anxiety led me to falsely think that my friends and fam would disown me, but they didn't, that provided a great mental relief). Exercise is key, swimming I felt was the best but running and weightlifting were good in the early stages when I was too scared to go to the gym. Oh yeah last thing, get a load of chamomile tea in, really helped me calm down and relax

doggonecarl

Hope the morning finds you calmer. Anxiety just breeds anxiety, which, at nine days of sobriety, must feel punishing. I remember the whirling mind from my meth days. I would be wide open and the thoughts would be unceasing. Think about the path you're on, clean and sober. It's the right one.

You will get there. Stay strong.

Stoogy

Been there with exactly the same thoughts as you and I know how hard it feels right now, take a walk, jog anything to disengage your brain from the current wave of thought it does work believe me.
All the best my friend.

Aellyce

^^^This!

I'm also one of those people that struggled with all sorts of weird manifestations of anxiety in my whole life. For me it helps to remember what Dee expressed: anxiety (and most strong emotions) are born in us from chemical reactions in our brains. Then we tend to rationalize them, find meaning in them, associate perceived causes to them - basically, project them out onto our environment, events, situations, etc.

Lots of good suggestions here. For me what works best is ACTION. Constructive action, doing something productive that I also find interesting and rewarding. I have a strong tendency to get stuck in my head and this has caused so many problems in my life... not only while drinking. It's caused lots of insecurities, false sense of incapability, low self esteem, avoidance, etc etc. For me, whenever I feel that I'm getting anxious, the best treatment is getting out of my head. Down into my body. Physical activity. Do productive things at work. Try new experiences.

When I'm in high anxiety mode, awareness or not, usually it's still hard to make that first step and start something active. I find the trick for me is to start it, and once I'm in the "flow" the anxiety evaporates.

Again, it's not crazy, just our brain chemistry. It goes crazy when we abuse it with drinking and drugs...

zerothehero

haennie has a good point. When I can't think my way through it, I distract myself via activity.