cmfl23

hello my husband has been sober for about 3 months now . He was addicticted to percs, vike, morphine, anything to "take the pain away".im scared that he is using again and I don't know what to do. I asked him today if he was taking pills again.the reply I got was why would you ask that. There wasn't a yes or a no for a freak out like the last time I had asked him just to be sure. I dont knowbwhat to do I'm miserable. I am scared. we have a six year old son together. Been together for 11 years. He's been an addict for three of them. I'm looking for advice or anything.. We fight all the time about him working because he doesn't work and hasn't worked in 3 years. I'm behind on all my bills and afraid of getting evicted bc I cant afford to pay anything and I'm working full time and its not helping. I keep begging him to apply for jobs look for work , do something besides sit there and watch tv.How do you tell someone you been with for 11 years that you don't wanna do it anymore, that this isnt what i signed up for when i said i do. I resent him more and more every day. I dont understand why hevdoesnt see the damage he is causing. Im so physically and emotionally tired of doing everything myself. I had given him an ultimatum when he told me he was having withdrawal symptoms. He went to a 5 day detox only bc he doesnt have ins. Got out, attended na for 30 days straight, but stopped going a few weeks ago.He told me he would change. but it just seems like he just tells me that I want to hear I'm tired of hearing I'm sorry I'm sorry of course I want to work.his mom and I use to get along really well until she physically attacked me because I told my husband that my depression is bc of him. I am being treated for that seeing a therapist but I can't afford it so I haven't been to see my therapist in a while. Should I just walk away? I just don't know what to do. when is love not enough?

azbluesgal

OH my! try to get some rest, exercise and good nutrition as well as making sure your son is not taking it all in (although 6 year olds are very savvy so make sure he understands that "dad is sick") LOVE has nothing to do with it.... sorry, but that's the truth. I know nothing about Al-Anon since i'm a reformed drunk myself with no kids, but I married a sociopath over 30 years ago, and got caught off guard with another loser a couple of years ago.If LIFE isn't working out for you, then you have to change to survive. Sounds like mother in law is another problem, so why don't you let the two of them be dysfunctional together. Sounds like it's time to defecate or abdicate. Life is too short and precious to waste it on someone who has no feelings for anyone else. My advice is to get on with your life, and let hubby find his own way out. If he recovers, he can be part of his son's life - as he is now he has serious capacity to screw up the little one's mind. Not being a mother myself, but I think your survival instinct is starting to kick in. Be Nice to yourself. Cheap therapy - Anything by Albert Ellis. Namaste.

Thepatman

You have a little one in the picture. I know this must be hard.

But unfortunately your little one needs to come first. If feeding the adult baby is in the way of your little one, make the hard choice you need to do.

I am old fashioned in my way of thinking, but a man unless physically impaired that does not work to feed his family, is not much of a man.

Sorry this might sound harsh, but I am an recovering Alcoholic with a 7 year old son. I am also single dad and work my rear end off to have a house and everything my son needs to grow happy.

He is the main reason why I am working at sobriety and giving it all I have.

Hope things will sort out for you, and your little treasure ;-)

cmfl23

Thank you! Life is too short, but I don't know. I feel trapped. I did get a pfa to protect my son and myself against her. I feel betrayef by him. Betrayed, hurt, angry, sad. I just want to run and I dont want to give up, but he just keeps taking advatage of me.and I enable him. I know I do. Not with his addiction, but with a home, food. I haven't spoken to him in 2 weeks bc he " overslept" for his psych appt. After I woke him uo 10x before I left for work. And he still hasnt resched. It. Ugh :/

least

You might have to give him an ultimatum, and then follow thru if he doesn't hold up his end of the bargain. Can you and your son move out? Can your husband move out? Sounds like it's time to call out the cavalry. Whatever you decide to do, stick to it.

Anna

I don't know whether you should stay or leave, but I do hope that you are not in the presence of your mother in law again because that is clearly a dangerous situation.

Have you considered AlAnon or NarAnon as a support for you?

Thepatman

You might have a bit of co-dependency issues blurring your vision.

I have this condition. Last relationship was with a girl addicted to Oxicodone or something like that. Man did I endure manipulation, spent money etc.

I now realize it's because I wanted to feel loved, no matter what the cost was. After a while my survival instinct kicked in, and I kicked her out of my house.

Been single since then. Until I learn to love myself and get my self respect and confidence back, no one is coming close to my heart. Next time I won't be a door matt.

Find your self worth inside, you deserve better, and specially your little one.

Don't worry, your wake up moment will come when you are ready.

Be kind to yourself and take good care

Ruby2

I am sorry you are feeling this way. It is rough, especially with a young child. Kids have a way of knowing what is going on and internalizing it. I have two kids. An eight year old and a five year old and they saw me and their dad at our worst. My husband is an addict who lost his job over his addiction. I work full time and was running myself exhausted and sick with worry, fear, and anger and the pressure of being everything to everyone. It hurts. Things changed only when I kicked my husband out of the house because I just couldn't take it anymore and I figured that so long as I was doing it all on my own anyway I didn't need him around further draining my financial and emotional resources. My husband was like an anchor around my neck, dragging me down.

I'm in agreement with patman even though I'm not a guy. I'm ten years older than my husband. I'm 49. And I'm the one who was working myself to death to pay the bills when he is in his prime earning years. If your husband is able bodied he should be doing something other than giving you a future promise that he might want to do something at some unspecified point in time. Maybe. However, anger with your husband, or having a concession opinion about what he should be doing isn't going to change him or help you out of this situation. I would start saving what you can if you can. Talking to some people in the same situation, either on here or at al anon meetings to get ideas. You don't have to do it alone. Really. Welcome here.

cmfl23

last night, my husband with his mother borrow money and spent 60, on I don't know what. He has no concern. I have given him plenty of chances. I told him I'm tired of feeling this way. I have given him an ultimatum before and it didn't work so I told him I was done. He then asked about seeing his son still, which of courseI would never take away from him. He apologized and stated that he saw this coming. He then talked about his tooth being broken. His tooth!? I just told him I want a divorce and he talks about his tooth. He slept at his mom's last night. I can't stop crying. It feels like he didn't even care. He didn't even fight for us too stay together. I don't get it at all. I have thought about attending an al anon meeting but I'm scared to make the first step and go. Three months he had been sober. Applied for one job. Thank you all for your advice. I don't understand what is going through his mind. This wasn't the person that I feel in love with, that I said I do to, I lost my beSt friend somewhere along the way. I understand that addiction ifs a disease. But why doesn't he see the damage he has caused. He lied to me for months when I asked him if he was having withdrawal symptoms.I stood up to everyone when they said he was addicted. The addiction happenedafter he hurt his back at work. The doctor prescribed vicodin, the percs, asteroid shots. He just built up such tolerance that they all stopped working. In the end he was taking 120 perc 10"s in about a week's time. When he had his pills he was my old husband again. When he was out, it was hell. I felt horrible he was in pain. Now that he is off the meds he doesn't look injured. Still has back pain but not like before. ,3 days before he told more about the problem, he informed his mom. She knew before his wife. I told her on Friday I couldn't do this relationship with him anymore. She told me she would always be there for me. 2 days later he told me. I screamed and cried and threw him out of the house. I'm angry bc for 2 straight years he lied to my face every time asked. I never knew. U embedded up getting him help threw my work. (I work for a psychiatrist..very well known one). He went to detox for only 5 days bc he didn't have health ins. The Tuesday that he was leaving his mom wrote me via fb, that she never liked me. For 11 years she just put up with me bc of her son. She said she hoped that my son grew yup to know how to treat people unlike me. I was so hurt after I read that, betrayed, and shocked. I did reply to it. Stated calmly she didn't underrated what I was going through since I was married to him not her. I apologized again for ever causing her pain and was sorry for coming too her for advice regarding him not working. 5 minutes after she read it she walked up to my house and freaked out.ripped the things off my wall.She kicked me in the leg. I was sitting on the couch just talking it all. My husband then grabbed her and tried to hold her back. She managed to throw a large jar candle at me. Left a huge bruise on my arm. Destroyed my lr. I was terrified and just sat there. Tools her thank you. My so called friend was with her and blamed me for causing all this. His mom called me every name in the book, said I was happy he was leaving too detox. He left that day. I stayed at my bros for the duration of his stay. She actually called my husband in serious to tell him I was leaving him and offered multiple times too hip pick him up. He never did leave. I have a great support system of co workers and my only brother that lives here. Now I know I have too do what is best for our son.I don't want him too suffer bc mommy and daddy aren't together any more. How do I tell him besides he's sick, went he doesn't live here?

HumbleNumb

Sweetie... check out the forum for Friends and Family of Substance Abuse....
You will find a ton of support from people in your same situation. You are not alone... you will live through this...