jvanderk

Hey all,

So I'm new here and not particularly sure how this will help but something is better than nothing. Anyways I've been a pretty functional alcoholic (in the vaguest sense) for about a decade. But I have definitely ostracized myself from a good many. Finally after battling it out witj my gf for the umpteenth time, I've decided to quit.

In all honesty, I thought it would be easy as I never drank during the day but always drank at night by myself or with others. So I'm on my 5th night clean and the anxiety has reduced a great bit...Until I got to the grocery store.

I should mention I live in South Korea, which is a heavy drinking culture so it'sreally hard to avoid seeing or being around alcohol. So I saw the alcohol racks in the store and I felt like a dog frothing at the mouth and the aanxiety began again.

I'm worried because I haven't yet tried to hangout with my friends. What strategies do you guys use dduring social get togethers when the presence of alcohol is inevitable?
Thanks for listening... err reading..

Sincerely
J

FeelingGreat

Hi J, most of us avoided drinking functions during sobriety and stayed away from places where they sell liquor. Of course that's hard when it's a grocery store. Your pavlovian reaction shows you're not ready to be close to liquor again, but it will fade in time. If you have to enter a liquor store prepare yourself carefully.

I know what you mean about SK being a drinking culture. I knew a sales rep who travelled there regularly and had to take his clients out drinking. He made an arrangement with the bar staff that they'd secretly serve him black tea instead of whiskey in his glass.

jvanderk

Pavlovian is defintely how I would describe it. The other thing I'm a bit worried about is outing myself as an alcoholic. I mean I know some people like my family know without me saying, but I'm afraid of saying anything to my buddies... Any suggestions?

Dee74

Hi and welcome jvanderk

Like others here I needed a complete social break for a while because my social life revolved around booze.

I need time and distance between who I used to be and who I wanted to become.

It doesn't mean you have to be a prisoner in your own home - there are a lot of things you can do that won't involve alcohol - you just have to think a little, use your imagination.

As for friends, in my experience my friends knew I had a problem anyway. I lost a few drinking buddies but my real friends stuck by me - and I made new ones

I've never regretted it. If alcohol is destroying your life like it did mine, I don;t think you'll regret it either

D

Anna

There's no need to tell people you're an alcoholic, unless you believe there is something to be gained by doing so.

I completely avoided situations where alcohol was present for many months. I had no choice but to do that in order to recover, and it was so worth it.

As for the grocery store, I bypassed the wine and beer aisle.

Nonsensical

Pre-game: I tell my self I know I am going to see it, smell it, and see people drinking it. I know that will make me feel like its OK, but I know it's not OK.

Game time: I keep a glass full of my preferred beverage (diet ginger ale) in my hand at all times. That way I don't need a drink or get offered one.

Post-game: bacon

Best of Luck on Your Journey

PurpleKnight

I can relate to your story, but soon discovered it's "easy" until the old habits start to creep up, the evening routines that had been followed for years.

So the main thing is breaking the routine, do something different, doing the same thing but just not drinking equals sitting at home, bored and thinking about alcohol, which will never end well.

A complete change in lifestyle is required!! a new Sober pattern of life!!

jvanderk

Thanks everyone. I guess the one good thing is my girlfriend doesn't drink much if ever. So Im just going to spend some quality time with her until I'm comfortable enough to have a fun night out sober.
Also organized a dry Risk game day so I think that will help.

doggonecarl

^This!

If you read through the threads here, noting the struggles and noting the successes, you see that those that made the needed changes did better than those who didn't. In early recovery, being around alcohol and alcohol-fueled social activities is one of those changes.

Thepatman

Same as the others, I just stay away from situations that invlove Alcohol.

My familly is meeting for easter, there will be Alcohol flowing, and mister Patman won't be there.

Ruby2

Same as the others. Change routines. Avoid places serving alcohol. I steer clear of the liquor aisle that had the alcohol at the grocery store. I had no business being there. Arrange activities not involving alcohol with people who will not be drinking alcohol. It gets easier as time passes but I know I still need to remain vigilant.

nomis

Hey jvanderk,

Former ROK expat here myself. You're right that is a very difficult country to get sober in, there is such little awareness about addiction and alcoholism, despite the evident ravages on society.

I wasn't ever able to get sober there. I remember trying once and making it about a week. It was tough being so far away from family and friends, but I think in hindsight, that was probably a big reason I went there in the first place. It was an excellent place for me to isolate and drink without having to face the consequences.

Like Dee and others said, I needed a clean break. That meant moving back home and getting my **** sorted out and starting to deal with my problems instead of going halfway around the world to outrun them.

All the best man, I'm rooting for you!

jvanderk

Nomis,
good I'm glad you fullu understand the full context of this place. how jaw droppingly acceptable it is yp drink anywhere any amount and anytime right out im the open. I would have thrown in the towel bit i have my. hopefully future wife here as a korean citizen. So I really cant just peace out of this country... I've learned the langage I have her and for the first time despite my alcohol, I have a consistent life so I need to fight for this

KateL

Welcome xxxxx