CaptainPolaris

I have a problem with every recovery based program I have been involved with. Over the years, this includes AA, Caduseus, intensive outpatient, smart recovery, group therapy etc. The problem is that I have always prided myself on not being overly whiny. Most of the groups I leave, including my premature departure from my aftercare program is becAuse of the huge lot of whiners I have found there. Oh poor is me, woe is me, gimme attention, it all makes me quite ill to the point where I get angry and can't wait to leave. Nobody has an easy breezy life... Deal with your own crap. Don't put your head down in your hands and act like your life is over and don't cry for something as little as a late car payment... GET OVER YOURSELF you whiny baby is all I want to say... How can I change my perspective? Most of my patients like me, but I tell the whiny ones to grow up, that they are acting like a 5 yr old. In recovery (of course nOt across the board) I seem to notice so many whiny, needy people... Why?

Anna

Wow, I don't see more whiny people in recovery than anywhere else. And, I choose to keep people close to me who are generally positive. However, everyone needs some compassion from time to time. I have found some of the best people I've ever known here at SR, people who are in recovery and are generally positive.

Your post sounds really angry to me.

Change4good

It sounds as if you take pride in your resilience, and I applaud that. It is a good trait to have.

I guess I would offer this. . .perhaps not everyone is where you are. I am with Anna; perhaps cultivating a sense of compassion might help you change your perspective. (Which is what you asked our advice on.)

GreenEggsAndHam

Why? Who knows why you struggle with compassion. Maybe it's easier to focus on other people's flaws than it is to focus on your own issues.

Dee74

I always try and put myself in other peoples shoes...I don't always manage it, sure - I get cranky and sore and tired and beaten down..but I try.

'Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle'.
Makes sense to me?

D

chicory

I think its good I lost my post.....

Dollyangel17

Hm, well I guess all of us in recovery are needy to an extent...we need help, and are doing our best to ask for it.

chicory

Besides, your post sounds a bit whiney to me...lol.

biminiblue

Every time I whine about the whiners, suddenly God gives me something in my own life that absolutely calls for whining.

I dunno, I think we all whine to a certain extent. Early recovery is tough for people, they've come from a place of serious self-centered thinking. It's natural that there would be an overlap.

But an hour of other peoples' whining at a meeting is sometimes good to put my own fairly happy life in perspective.

CaptainPolaris

I didn't mean to offend. Im speaking more of wallowing in self pity. Am I angry? Maybe so. I worked hard for my 3 yrs of sobriety and thought I was over the hard part just to be tempted by some wine at a party and now it has been back to what it was before. I have even lied to perfect strangers here at SR. I have been back to drinking ever since that party. Im back at square one. I can handle it and I will stop again but in the meantime I don't feel like listening to a bunch of whiners. That does not aid me in my recovery!

biminiblue

I really wanted to say something about a pot and a kettle, but I'm new here and don't want to get peoples' jimmies rustled. ;-)

Tamerua

A lot of us drank because we weren't dealing with our issues. Now that alcohol isn't the solution, some people are reaching out for help, which could sound whiney..... It's hard, I don't like to listen to complaining either but I try to relate.

Dollyangel17

Perhaps what comes off as "whiny", is merely people trying to sort through their emotions and problems without the aid of their old crutch alcohol. Not so easily done in the beginning.

I agree...we need to try to put ourselves in others shoes and find some compassion. I often shake my head at people who are not alcoholics, and often gruffly state..."it's her own doing"..."why doesn't she just stop drinking?"...all very logical and matter of fact sounding, but as we know...not so easily done.

Do what's best for your recovery, and if that's surrounding yourself with positive people, then certainly take that route...whatever keeps you sober.

Best wishes!

Dee74

It's natural to feel angry after a relapse, and equally as natural to feel overwhelmed and full of self pity.

It's also pretty common to feel like you're not like the others - that your circumstances are unique, or at least special, and become a little judgemental.

I was, & have been all those things. I'm still prone to some of them.

I really do learn something from everyone here tho, so I'm glad you're sticking around Captain

D

abcowboy

CP, I used to think just like you..... then.....I came to realize that even those people who we might think are whining are just looking for help and support, just like the rest of us...

Change4good

Methinks you might be angry at yourself for relapsing, and lying about it. Is it possible you are deflecting this anger, and looking at others' behavior as a way to avoid looking at your own?

GreenEggsAndHam

I'm curious what your plan is for recovery this time? I figure if you could quit and stay quit on your own you wouldn't have kept at it even after the party.

MsJax

In everything we do, recovery or no, there will be what is seen as whining, captain . I get what you're saying but listen. There is wisdom everywhere! Maybe someone "whining" will say something that could help you. Better yet, maybe you could help another. Compassion is a cornerstone in my recovery.

Venecia

It's good that you've come clean about your relapse.

There are good resources for impaired health care professionals. Here's some info about the program at Hazelden:

Addicted Doctors Rehab - Addiction Treatment in Oregon and Minnesota -- Hazelden

CaptainPolaris

If I knew what that party would have led to, I would never have gone