Whiners, not winers
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,226
Originally Posted by CaptainPolaris 
If I knew what that party would have led to, I would never have gone
So, try something different. For me, it helps if I approach things with an open mind. There is such a thing as "confirmation bias." If you believe that folks in ALL the recovery methods you have tried are whiners, you will inevitably see what you are looking for. Maybe listen with a different mindset?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 84
I can't really be involved given the whole adoption process and stuff... I fear them finding out... You see? Ill handle this. Ive got this! I in no way mean to imply all are whiners... Just that there are a lot. I have some growing up to do Im sure in this regard
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 684
I think the key is to figure out why their whining bothers you. I get irritated with people who complain a lot, but really I think it's mostly because I feel like I'm not allowed to complain when I want to. Usually the root of what bothers me in someone else is my own shortcoming.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,226
Originally Posted by CaptainPolaris
I can't really be involved given the whole adoption process and stuff... I fear them finding out... You see? Ill handle this. Ive got this! I in no way mean to imply all are whiners... Just that there are a lot. I have some growing up to do Im sure in this regard
I spent a lot of time and energy fighting my addiction, telling myself that because I was strong in so many other facets of my life, because I was a respected professional, because I excelled, blah, blah, blah, that I could handle it on my own.
I couldn't. Once I let go, and realized my addiction was bigger than me, and beyond my own devices to address, I could heal.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Virginia
Posts: 436
Originally Posted by CaptainPolaris
I have a problem with every recovery based program I have been involved with. Over the years, this includes AA, Caduseus, intensive outpatient, smart recovery, group therapy etc. The problem is that I have always prided myself on not being overly whiny. Most of the groups I leave, including my premature departure from my aftercare program is becAuse of the huge lot of whiners I have found there. Oh poor is me, woe is me, gimme attention, it all makes me quite ill to the point where I get angry and can't wait to leave. Nobody has an easy breezy life... Deal with your own crap. Don't put your head down in your hands and act like your life is over and don't cry for something as little as a late car payment... GET OVER YOURSELF you whiny baby is all I want to say... How can I change my perspective? Most of my patients like me, but I tell the whiny ones to grow up, that they are acting like a 5 yr old. In recovery (of course nOt across the board) I seem to notice so many whiny, needy people... Why?
I truly hope you are able to find the peace you are searching for. You sound very angry. Good luck to you.....
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by CaptainPolaris
I can't really be involved given the whole adoption process and stuff... I fear them finding out... You see? Ill handle this. Ive got this! I in no way mean to imply all are whiners... Just that there are a lot. I have some growing up to do Im sure in this regard
Getting back to sober is really what you need to worry about before anything else
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 84
Nope... Felt that way during 3 yrs sobriety as well! Sure Im angry that a party I went to caused me to start drinking again but Im sure I will stop for this adoption process and any new little life we are blessed with.
I am in my mid 30s my husband in his mid 40s.. My daughter died. I need a baby!
I am in my mid 30s my husband in his mid 40s.. My daughter died. I need a baby!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Virginia
Posts: 436
Actually the party you went to didn't cause you to start drinking again. YOU caused you to start drinking again. I'm not judging you for drinking again - we've all been there. I just think you need to be honest with yourself.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,022
Hey, I am sorry to hear you have been off the wagon, that is a tough spot. You can get back in the saddle though, always more room on the wagon!
What you are calling "whining" also might be called "talking through some hard feelings", a staple of successful recovery. Sometimes we don't want to listen to other people talking through their concerns and anxieties because it hits a little too close to home, or makes us think about our own concerns that we didn't want to think about, so just . . something to think about
Hope you are feeling better soon.
What you are calling "whining" also might be called "talking through some hard feelings", a staple of successful recovery. Sometimes we don't want to listen to other people talking through their concerns and anxieties because it hits a little too close to home, or makes us think about our own concerns that we didn't want to think about, so just . . something to think about
Hope you are feeling better soon.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,226
Originally Posted by CaptainPolaris
Nope... Felt that way during 3 yrs sobriety as well! Sure Im angry that a party I went to caused me to start drinkong again but Im sure I will stop for this adoption process and any new little life we are blessed with
Hope you get good rest tonight CP. Wishing you well.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Originally Posted by CaptainPolaris
I didn't mean to offend. Im speaking more of wallowing in self pity. Am I angry? Maybe so. I worked hard for my 3 yrs of sobriety and thought I was over the hard part just to be tempted by some wine at a party and now it has been back to what it was before. I have even lied to perfect strangers here at SR. I have been back to drinking ever since that party. Im back at square one. I can handle it and I will stop again but in the meantime I don't feel like listening to a bunch of whiners. That does not aid me in my recovery!
When we lose trust in ourselves, it's very difficult to trust others.
You've already acknowledged in both thought and deed that whatever you've been doing to stay sober isn't working. I think it's time to try something different.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
Originally Posted by CaptainPolaris
Im satisfied... I resent that! This is NOT about me, I assure you! I could just as easily been sober today Im sure!
If not about you, then who? Them? Us? SR? AA? The whiners and crybabies of the world?
Who really is this about?
I wish you well. Glad you were able to vent.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Originally Posted by CaptainPolaris
Nope... Felt that way during 3 yrs sobriety as well! Sure Im angry that a party I went to caused me to start drinking again but Im sure I will stop for this adoption process and any new little life we are blessed with.
I am in my mid 30s my husband in his mid 40s.. My daughter died. I need a baby!
I am in my mid 30s my husband in his mid 40s.. My daughter died. I need a baby!
Far from solving our problems, bringing children into our lives, particularly infants, tends to make everything more difficult. And if you're uncomfortable with people who are needy, you ain't seen nothin' yet.
Please find your way to getting the help you need.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Strailya
Posts: 8,017
Hey CP
As with your prior post, I sense a lot of defensiveness and fear. Are you truly fine ? Only you know the answer to that. Having said that, pls remember that there is nothing wrong, bad or shameful to admit if you feel frightened, vulnerable, insecure or anxious. I would doubt that anyone has not suffered from those negative emotions before. We're only human !
Being in denial of your feelings or attempts to avoid/dismiss them could be more damaging. Also, remember that your emotions are usually directed at an object (usually a person). Separate the emotion from the object. Study and accept the emotion. It has no weight, no substance, no ability to harm you and is temporary. The emotion is not you.
Be brave and reach out for support. This forum has plenty to give !
As with your prior post, I sense a lot of defensiveness and fear. Are you truly fine ? Only you know the answer to that. Having said that, pls remember that there is nothing wrong, bad or shameful to admit if you feel frightened, vulnerable, insecure or anxious. I would doubt that anyone has not suffered from those negative emotions before. We're only human !
Being in denial of your feelings or attempts to avoid/dismiss them could be more damaging. Also, remember that your emotions are usually directed at an object (usually a person). Separate the emotion from the object. Study and accept the emotion. It has no weight, no substance, no ability to harm you and is temporary. The emotion is not you.
Be brave and reach out for support. This forum has plenty to give !
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 84
I understand why you may think I need help... Much like my husband did upon his urge for me to go through rehab... But I swear to you I am ready for this committment! A baby would solve all if my perceived problems. I just know it. Losing a baby was rough but I swear I am OK!
Sober Today
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 779
A baby doesn't cure alcoholism or addiction. Rehab was the best decision I ever made. Why not consider it a bit more before deciding?
I also understand your original post now. I believe that is your addiction talking, making up excuses for why you shouldn't get back into a recovery program. Who has the patience for all that whining, right?!
I also understand your original post now. I believe that is your addiction talking, making up excuses for why you shouldn't get back into a recovery program. Who has the patience for all that whining, right?!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
