NewFighter

Coastalgirl, are you okay? Have your heard from your therapist? I have failed at moderation, and each try at has ended worse than before. I have accepted what I am. Just checking in on you!

coastalgirl

She called me back. Still feeling awful. She didn't have too much to say except that she's proud of my decision. I am dreading telling my husband about the incident. Be on soon; at the store with my little sister. Thank you guys so much.

Dee74

Keep posting here CoastalGirl - there's tons of support.

I detested the person drinking made me - and I've come to love sober me.

My life changed in a lot of ways but I don't feel I lost out on the deal at all.

I think your decision to quit completely is a great one

D

coastalgirl

I pick up my husband and his friend from the airport in about an hour and I am so anxious. I feel terrible physically and mentally. I feel like I'm broken and can't be faithful. I make commitments and promises and can't keep them. Being positive is no where in sight as an option right now because of this burden and sick feeling. I haven't eaten all day and feel like I'll just puke it up if I do. I don't want to hurt those I love and once again I hurt my husband. I am an alcoholic and I hate saying it but it is true, I've determined.

On a related note, I want to go to AA for a try, but I live in a small city and would undoubtedly see people I know. I don't want word getting around that I go. I guess there's a reason for it being "anonymous" but...still. Any thoughts/info?

Dee74

I didn't go to AA but I think I'd rather be known as an AA member than known for some of the things I did drunk, coastalgirl

There are alternatives to AA too:

Here's some links to some of the main players:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.

coastalgirl

A walk downtown? Check. Food? Check. Happy belly? Check.

However... These past few days have been so tough. I told the news to my husband and it has been painfully hard for him to digest but he supports me. I feel like so much of a **** up that most of the time he's consoling ME, not the other way around... Lucky to have him though and wish I thought about our love on Wednesday night enough. We went to a wedding this past weekend and I saw several college friends there. Who had cranberry juice? This girl. Who was questioned because she had cranberry juice? This girl. Who was asked by a number of people simultaneously, "but you love your wine! Wait, are you pregnant?" I wanted to disappear. They all had their drinks, so did almost everyone else. I'm the pino grigio girl; where was it that night, everyone wondered. I sunk my head, argued with my husband, and kept getting "cocktail-looking" drinks to maintain somewhat of an image. It didn't feel right being without alcohol. So many others were enjoying theirs. Bought sparkling white grape juice yesterday and poured it into a wine glass at dinnertime. Felt like a ten-year-old again. I can't get used to this, I feel. I've been so dependent on alcohol that it's hard imagining life without it. This sucks. Majorly. Sober for 3 days and numb. Disgusted with myself. Scared. Trying an AA meeting this week. Even though I DO have a desire to stop drinking, part of me still doesn't. Is that messed up? I need to get stuff together and soon.

coastalgirl

Day 12 sober. I've had lots of tough moments and temptations but I miss wine so much. Initiated the long awaited conversation with my dad about alcoholism and he didn't seem too surprised. He was distant, not much for words. I have had many moments where I have wanted to buy and crack open a bottle. The situation with my best friend won't change, but my attitude about it has gotten more positive. This has resulted in me wanting to drink again.

DisplacedGRITS

Coastalgirl, i know a few people who spent time stark raving sober. I found that to live a life in which i didn't feel the need to drink, i had to have a radical change of lifestyle and thinking. What have you been doing besides posting here and just not drinking? Have you looked into AA, AVRT, SMART, Women for Sobriety or any other program? I've found that not drinking is only a part of my sobriety. I can be sober and still be miserable.

coastalgirl

Thanks for your post. I think I am wallowing in self pity, shame and jealousy of people who can drink. My gosh though. Not always! - I love mornings. Because I know I don't crave alcohol in mornings. I'm motivated, at my best, planning my day, planning my goals... when I am not on here reading or posting, I am planning/thinking about my future as a lover of animal rescue and what job I could have because of it, I'm playing with our bearded dragon, I'm thinking about how I've not had to drunkenly disappoint my husband in 12 days, and even taking day trips to the beach by myself (about 50 miles away). Gotta say though, as soon as I see commercials for alcohol, other people drinking, or when nighttime comes around, I get super sad and anxious. Trying the AA beginners group Saturday though!