CP1992

I'm at 105 days and started a new job this week. Last week they had a going away party and I sucked it up and made it through sober. This week my new team is having an outing for me at a bar. My sponsor said to skip it but that's not a great idea if I'm trying to build camaraderie with my new team. I asked a co worker to grab lunch and he suggests beers after work instead I walk outside and there is happy hours everywhere. I feel like I'm surrounded by booze and can't escape it. I thought things would be getting better now but they're only getting worse. When do these things stop phasing you. I am cool with the non drinking lifestyle but missing any and all social activities or suffering through them bc I'm sober sucks

ScottFromWI

Ask them to hold it at a coffee shop or a restaurant that isn't just a bar. Or skip it entirely. I found that even though I have no problem being around alcohol now, it's really not worth it or even remotely entertaining to be around a bunch of drunk people.

Thepatman

At some point you will consider yourself a non-drinker instead of someone trying not to drink.

But it's early in recovery, should be your priority. Worst comes to shove just say you have other obligations to attend, or simply say you are on anti-biotic, or simply that Alcohol makes you sick?

I don’t know what's best for you but listen to your heart, you know the road you will get on if you have "one" beer.

Stay strong!

Amazingglazier

CP1992, I don't know how to tell you how to handle that , but I understand wanting to be one of the crew! I go see some of my friends at bars and they have given up on trying to get me to drink , so I have my 1-2 cranberry and sodas and that's it for me , some "normal" people can't stand a non-drinker around them but don't let that be your problem. They shouldn't be offended by asking them to change the venue, try it! Stay Strong and Well ! Bobby

HumbleNumb

Bless your heart... it never failed that every time I got to a point of acceptance early on, I would undoubtedly be presented with all manner of opportunities to be places and participate in things that I knew could ultimately throw me off track.
Sorry CP... If I let myself rationalize why I needed to be there (your sponsor said skip it, and look at YOUR response) "BUT..."
You say you are cool with the "non drinking" lifestyle.. "BUT..."
Sounds like you're starting to let the BUTS get in your head... and we all know that relapse doesn't happen when we take that drink, it happens long before that as we start letting the BUTS get in our heads... A few other red flags appear... "suffering through them because I'm sober"... "I can't escape it"... take another read through your post.
Every choice is critical... and relapse is a reality. Knowing that, accepting it, and respecting it are the reasons that I don't need to let my guard down... especially when I am feeling like I've been doing good... that'll set me up to fall EVERY time...

Aellyce

CP, I sympathize with you because I run into some similar situations. The way I've handled it best (most satisfying to me and it seems also most effective) so far: I just say I am a non-drinker. Then suggest a couple alternative scenarios and activities. I think there is no need to get into discussions on sobriety in most professional situations, there is no need to explain why you don't drink. You just don't drink, period. I think if you state that with a firm and kind attitude, most people won't question or push it.

GracieLou

This.

I can go to a restaurant that serves alcohol but I can't go to a bar that serves food. Not the same thing.

I went to bar to drink, period. I may have eaten there once in a blue moon but that was not my purpose.

Now a place that is a restaurant, I am going to eat which is someplace I would have never went before, I didn't want to eat, I wanted to drink.

I guess in a way it sort of tricks the mind as to the purpose but it works. I can go to an Applebee's all day long but I can't go to Mel's Tavern up the street. Atmosphere is different.

Anna

I think that you need to shift your thinking so you're not feeling like you're missing social activities or suffering through them. There are tons of social activities that don't involve drinking. If you're not comfortable being around people who are drinking, or like me in that you'd prefer to not be around people who are drinking, then don't go. Or suggest an alternative venue.

PamperingMe

The work thing is hard. No doubt. It's how I got into trouble in the first place. I'm a woman in a male dominated profession and I started drinking with them after work to feel like I was one of the guys. It spiraled badly for me.

Since it's a fresh start with new people, I guess it's a good time to set the tone about you. Tell them whatever you need about not drinking....makes you sick...training for a marathon...etc. I think it's important to set a boundary early because the pressure will keep mounting to go out for beers, etc. I'd probably crack after awhile.

I get how hard it is. You're new and they're trying to be nice without realizing the affect on you.

But you need to put yourself first!

Good luck and let us know how it works out,

least

Just tell them straight up that you don't drink. Period. If they want to know why, tell them it's for your health. That's no lie and it's a great reason for not drinking. If they pressure you to drink, ask them why your not drinking bothers them. That turns the attention to them, not you, and forces them to think about it. Not to mention it's rude to push something on someone who doesn't want it.

tomsteve

you may want to determine whats more important- sobriety or building camaraderie with your new team. im sure theres more ways to build that camaraderie than one that could very well jeopardize yer sobriety.

"When do these things stop phasing you. "
after having a spiritual awakening as the result of the steps.
i also don't go to wet places without a solid motive, am in fit spiritual condition, and have an escape route.

CP1992

Thanks for the replies. I need to just be assertive and say I don't drink period. I must be a wimp bc saying that makes me feel awkward or different

Lance40

This is the perfect answer. It covers everything tactfully and honestly. You can't go wrong with this...seriously. Straight and to the point without explanation or excuses.

Amazingglazier

You are no wimp in our eyes and if you really want to see who it matters to the most, look in the mirror! Then challenge them to a handball game and kick their butts, LOL! Stay Strong and well ! Bobby

Marjoram

This is a great thread!!!!! My lifestyle (along with my husband's) involved a lot of "social" drinking. Plus, I hid a lot of mine, as well. (I think I finally found the last hidden bottle...how sad) Anyway, yard parties, bonfires, weddings, stopping at the neighbor's for a drink (or two or two dozen). Meeting for a cocktail after work, to talk about the day. We are very social and I know this is going to be my hardest part. But, I agree with everyone here, make your point now. Don't drag it out, or it will eat you up.

We are having our every other year yard party this year - we do it for a cause. We provide everything (except for alcohol) and all we ask for is a donation. One year we asked for non-perishable items for the less fortunate, one year for our local shelter. Well, I would wait until every one was done eating, and it was my turn to have some drinks. This year, I know there will still be alcohol (mostly by people that are responsible) - this is not a bash by any means. A family/friends gathering. But, the ones that would "party" including myself, would camp or stay the night in our home. And I know I will not be drinking. That is where I am prepared for the question of why I'm not drinking, and I will honestly say, for my health as we have diabetes in our family, and my sugar numbers have been creeping up (which they have been - still good, but they have been going up). If someone pushes the issue, which most people won't, but you never know, then I really like the response Least gave.

Thank you for this thread, as I know this weighs on a lot of our minds, especially in these early stages of sobriety.

There's no such thing as a wimp here - there are many people with drinking problems that never see it. It takes a lot of strength to come here and seek help. And being here and finding the way that works for you to keep your sobriety will only make you and others stronger!

Sorry for the ramble, but the responses you got here were amazing and full of wisdom. Hold them close to your heart and your mind. And read them over and over if need be. You can do this!

Hugs to you!

AdmimalBlueEyes

Grats on 100+ sober days

justinJustQuit

Ah this exact thing happened to me when I was just one week sober. I failed and drank with the coworker. I then proceeded to get drunk for a week and ruin my body even further.

It's just not worth it. I know it sounds crappy, but I've lied and said I had prior engagements. Not sure if that's good or not, but my body can't handle more detoxes. It's my body or a party. If there's a chance it will lead to another binge, I skip it.

MyTime86

Congrats on your time sober. Be very careful I wrote a post on here a week ago about how some situations coming up were dangerous for me, an bam last Saturday I broke my 84 day streak. It was not worth it at all but I put my self in a place that was to tempting for me at the stage I was at. Although I felt great about being sober I messed up

GracieLou

You are not different because you and I are the same. We are also the same as many people on this board. You are not alone.

It kind of just depends were you are standing that makes you appear that way.

Berrybean

Good luck - stay strong!!

You never know - maybe you not drinking will help out some other co-workers who would usually go along with the boozing but would prefer not to, but aren't brave enough to be the odd man odd.