Newcomer
 

Hey Everyone,

I am a newbie here. I admitted to having a problem 7 months ago, but I always manage to find a drink. My largest problem is that I can lie and BELIEVE it as an absolute truth. I need to tell my tale, and the protection of anonymity seems helpful. I have never been honest with any person, but I figure I need to be honest now.

I am in my mid-20's. During college, I engaged in risky behavior - including, psychedelics, pills, intravenous drugs, etc. I graduated nevertheless. During this time I picked up my drinking habit to replace harder drugs. I have tricked myself that alcohol was the "lesser of all evils." I spent many years buying Old English each morning without any qualms. I later went to law school and found myself drinking more than ever (and I was drinking too much already).

I graduated and passed the bar exam in my state. I kept drinking from morning until night. I was living with the woman of my dreams, but constantly lied about my drinking - I take a medication that can resemble the effects of alcohol. I blamed my medication. Eventually, I lost my job and I have searched for work for quite some time. She kicked me out of our apartment, and I moved back in with my parents. I was not sober for 3 months straight. I worked up the courage to return to the state I am licensed in. My EX still loves me; though, I feel "on the hook."

I am living in a dark, dank room with college kids that party every night. I have admitted to myself that I have a problem, but I can't resist the urge to join in. Amongst unemployment, the hope for a relationship that I ruined, and going from living in a wonderful loft to a college house, I find little hope in life.

Everyone has felt rock bottom, but I am comfortable in my misery (which is disturbing). I have turned to this community because there is nowhere else I can go. Any and all advice is welcome and appreciated.

SBS - this is a wonderful, supportive group of people. You CAN do it, and there are many here who have similar stories, and are "on the other side" of addiction. Congrats on reaching out!

Welcome to SR! You will find great support here.

You can change this around. You admitted having a problem to yourself and that's the first big step.

SR can be your main support, and you can also add AA, AVRT, Smart Recovery etc.

Everyone is different, you have to find the method that works best for you.

For me personally, quitting for life is the only option. I will never be a normal drinker.

Good Luck!

Welcome. You made one of the necessary steps needed to get sober: being honest with yourself about your drinking.
The next needed item is the desire to stop drinking. No one else can get you sober or drunk but yourself.
"I have turned to this community because there is nowhere else I can go. Any and all advice is welcome and appreciated."
This forum is quite helpful along with special help groups to assist if you want sobriety. Alcoholism is a progressive situation, never getting better but is controllable if it's intake ends.

BE WELL

How?
 

Thanks for the warm welcome. I need to ask this as my first question. How does everyone "put up" with hearing everyone's problems? I feel alone because I hate putting my problems on others.

If you mean related to drinking it's helpful to be able to identify with them as opposed to comparing. I was told when comparing just add the word YET, Your Eligible Too. Not all backgrounds are the same but the stories end up with a common theme. Our lives became unmanageable as a result of our continued drinking, it doesn't get better. Many of us reject what's happening to us by our great, to ourselves, rationalizations of the real world in us.

BE WELL

SBS: Let me welcome you as the others have, and thank you for logging in, your honest post, and your obvious acceptance that the problem exists and is very real for you.

Now, to address your last question... Recovery is in and of itself a "community", where we ALL share our experiences, strength and hope with others. As a community, we support one another in the ups and downs that come with a life of recovery. We understand the stages and phazes that we have gone through, and recognize them in others who have reached out for help. We accept one another and we strive to share the hope we have with those who are still climbing to reach that hope for themselves.
For myself, I do not consider that hearing everyone else's problems is something to be "put up" with, but that is because I have crossed that line in my own life. Addiction is a condition wrought with and fueled by one's selfishness. It is that part of addiction that makes it difficult to understand how we can encourage and support others through their problems. For me, it is a blessing to be available and to hold the hand of someone who is trying to find their way. No one will tell you what to do, only what has worked for them. We may be different, but we're all the same. We all want to think that we're somehow "different", our "terminal uniqueness" if you will... because that is what enables us to continue to justify our actions and continue in destructive behaviors.
I wish you health, serenity, and most of all peace.. with yourself and with your recovery.
No one puts their problems on others around here.... we gladly accept you, AND your problems... and try to help in some small way whenever we can. THAT's community.
:coaster (We're all on this ride together)

Like HumbleNumb nicely said.

Personally it gives me strength in trying to help and support others as much as I can. Within the constraints of my limited wisdom ;-)

So many folks here have stood by me through my most difficult moments, that trying to return the favor to the next is only natural.

:ring

Thank you for putting my mind at ease with sharing my problems. Ever person is my life is simply too busy to hear my issues. Truly, I just need someone. As I said before, I had that person, but I could not admit I had a problem until it was too late.

Anyone have experience with recovery and unemployment and engaging in a previously failed relationship?

An answer most of us dislike: IT TAKES TIME.

BE WELL

Hi, SBS, welcome to SR. I'm unemployed, living in the dumpiest place I ever have. There's no hot water, no stove or microwave, just a hotplate, no air conditioning to ease the heat and humidity of Florida summers... you get the picture. Nevertheless, I'm extremely grateful to have a roof over my head, a bed to sleep in, and a small room with a door that I can shut when I need privacy. Not to mention an internet connection.

Twenty years ago I had a five-bedroom house, a high-powered job, a stellar reputation and all the comforts that go along with those things. Still I was unhappy. See, I had already been drinking heavily for 15 years (I had my first drink at 14 and was NEVER a "normal" drinker.) I was "functioning" in life, having babies, climbing the corporate ladder in record pace, serving on boards at my church and in the community, but I was unhappy.

I won't get into the series of events that led from where I was then to where I was now. I'll just say that rarely did I attribute to alcohol my misery or the unfortunate events that cost me my job, my marriage, my money, my stuff, and so on. There was always something/somebody else to blame to rationalize my situation.

Now, 37 years in to my alcoholism, I'm finally willing to admit that drinking directly and significantly contributes to my life being far less than what I want it to be. I CANNOT have what I want (good relationships with the people I love, peace of mind, enough money to live anywhere near comfortably into my old age) until and unless I stop drinking. So that's what I'm doing and it's not easy AT ALL, but with the support of the people here in SR and the willingness to take advice and actually DO THINGS that support my recovery I feel confident that I'm gonna get better. And that confidence gives me hope for the future that I haven't felt in decades. I like that feeling; I NEVER got that from alcohol.

Anyway, didn't know I was gonna write a book when I started typing this. Hope there's something useful to you in my ramblings. You might want to check out the Class of April, 2014 thread in Newcomers to Recovery. There's a bunch of us in there who are in the very earliest stages of quitting/trying to quit and it's a great group of incredibly fine and supportive people.

Best to you, am glad you posted.

Odds are, you are sitting there right now thinking "if only I could __________"... you can fill in the blank with anything, and more times than not, it will be something you have no control over. We all want instant gratification because that's all we've conditioned ourself for... but this is one undertaking that will not work that way... baby steps...
If it is employment... consider that humility can be your friend. In other words, if you have no job, then SOME job is better... it might not be your past job or your dream job, but if it solves your unemployment issue, it is a good job.
Recovery won't work like a prescription that you take for a few days or weeks, until the infection is cleared up... Recovery is learning to live life on life's terms. Deciding that you want a clear head, and accepting that it will require more of you than you've ever been willing to give to anyone or anything, and doing what it takes for you... minute by minute, day by day. BUT YOU are worth it...
Don't fool yourself into thinking that you'll be good for a while, win back your woman, and let some water run under the bridge, and then life will resume as imagined... Keep it real, work on YOU... and the rest will take care of itself... in time.

Welcome to the Forum!! :wave:

Well done on having the courage and strength to admit and take responsibility, there are plenty pholk here that can and will sympothise.
Sadly we sometimes have to hit rock bottom before we see the path we must take on.
Wishing you well.

Stoogy... LOVE your avatar... looks like how I feel in the morning.

Man oh man, your a lawyer good for you , now negotiate a deal that will save your life. Cop a plea to YOURSELF for YOU! I suggest starting by finding a better atmosphere for staying sober, you say your ex still loves you, well then you have to love yourself first to be any good to her. Stay on here and work your problems out, it won't be as easy as the bar was for you, LOL! But it will be more rewarding! Keep your chin up, and things will come about for you! Stay Strong and Well ! Bobby

Well, you have it in the right order...start with recovery. PERIOD.

Everything else should fall in line.

Welcome. This is a great place for support. Please don't throw away your education and your future. You are bright and can do this xxxxxx

Welcome to the SR family. :) I'm glad you joined us. Make yourself and your sobriety your first priority. As has been said, the other things will fall in line in their own time. Be good to yourself. :hug:

Well, I just finished the last beer in the house after 7 years of drinking. I just smoked my last cigarette after 10 years of smoking. Today, I am asking the universe to help me not go to the liquor store or gas station. It's 11:19 AM in small town Kansas.