lilac0721

I've heard that for those of us with alcohol addiction, 1 is too many and 1000 is never enough. I have a tendency to forget that I am afflicted with this addictive nature. So the night before starting my most recent bender, I went to a brewery and had one beer with my husband. Beer is not my usual drink - it's the vodka that I turn to when I want to be drunk. The following night, I was drunk on vodka at home alone by 6pm and stayed up drinking alone almost all night. And all day Saturday. Into Sunday and even Monday.

It all started with 1 single beer on Thursday night. I wasn't buzzed, and I woke up Friday morning feeling good, but that 1 beer led me to a weekend-long vodka binge. I may be able to stop drinking one night, but inevitably I end up having a night (or several) of endless, insane, mind-numbing drunkeness.

justinJustQuit

Oh definitely. I had exactly the same thing happen. Rum is what I drank. Had a beer with a friend, went home got smashed for a week. Had to go through detox again. I've done this repeatedly.

MnEman

Thanks for sharing, helps to avoid the same experiment. Are you back on the wagon yet? They always say a relapse does not begin with the drink- did you feel it coming?

lilac0721

I don't know if I felt it coming, though I do have a tendency to work really hard Monday through Thursday and want to just relax at the end of the week. I've also been stressing about money and career decisions. So I have had some anxiety that I wanted to hide from.

And yes, I am back on the wagon. 1 day sober here looking forward to tomorrow. I'll have to work on acknowledging my feelings and coping with stress in a healthier way

LBrain

thanks lilac, I needed that

Justadude

Every time... 1 one day. a few days later 2 ... Maybe even one day 3. Then the 3 day drunk and daily regular intake with binges in between. Hate that.

Admiral

My last relapse was around last Christmas, I had started to drink beer on the weekends again, just one or two, once a week. That's all it took, and before you know it, I was picking up again and getting stoned every single night.

I remember reading self help books, trying to get over that obsession, it went on for days, it was all I could think about. In the end I had to ride that train until it broke down, and after that last time, I finally came to terms with reality; I can never do drugs or drink again in any amount. One beer, one pull off a joint, it doesn't matter, if I deviate from sobriety, I'll have to deal with that all over again, it's not worth it.

BradJustBrad

Thanks - you helped me today.

AdmimalBlueEyes

Ohh your a slow one to relapse , just kidding for sure if I drink one , its on and I have no idea when it will stop.
Somone posted on a different thread that they new a aa sober for 6 years ( I'm paraphrasing) the aa had one drink , went on a bender and died from organ failure 11 days later,
I've been thinking about that post and my last bender , now I'm indifferent towards whether I wake up tomorrow or not (I have mental illness and don't have emotions per se , nor do ihave familly or anthing that requires me to be here tomorrow) that said, I could easily have acidently killed myself on my last binge , people have died from less, I know a lot of you all have the same abillity to drink. Unteathered and unrestrained , for us ( sorry to generalise , apologise if I offend) it really is dangerous inthe imediate sense if we drink, and tough I'm indifferent to my status of life , I don't want the people who know me who love me to have to live with the pain causedby knowing my death was totally sensless and avoidable ,
Plus God would be mad , and probably disapointed , and I don't really want to leave this planet with my last act as one offensive to God

Dee74

Welcome back

D

lilac0721

Yes, I totally relate. I never even viewed it as relapse until the bender. But it began well before.

I am grateful to everyone sharing their hard-learned lessons with this. I am glad I'm not the only one who is a slow learned when it comes to my addiction.

It's nearly 2am here...I slept for several hours and am now awake. I don't like insomnia, but it's preferable to alcohol-induced "sleep."

cheebiechi

Welcome back,

For me, when I don't focus on how I am doing at this moment, is when I tend to get into stinkin thinkin. So, I stay focused and determined not to drink TODAY, tomorrow is not even here yet and I cant afford to look into the future because that's when my mind tends to go bonkers.

Matt

jat14

Hi Lilac.. I'm glad you're ok and back on track now. Reading your post terrified me but in a good way. Every now and again the irrational thought suddenly out of nowhere pops in my head that I could sit back and enjoy a drink ..or even two.. then a laugh track immediately follows. yeah. right. Me, an alcoholic 'enjoying ONE drink'. I had been struggling for a while with relapsing until I came here. I thank God for this place and you guys every day. God bless and take care...

goose333

Lilac,
Thank you for this post. It comes at a perfect time for me. I'm only at 8 days but I'm going out to dinner tonight with my wife & another couple. Wine will be served. I've been struggling with how I should handle that. Now I know.

Goose

Thepatman

Thanks for the reminder post Lilac.

Been there as well, when my train gets rolling, the momentum it builds is almost unstoppable, until it crashes, makes a hell of a mess that I have to cleanup.

This train is staying parked for good with the emergency brakes on.

Sulu1

+1 to that MrPat. Don't climb aboard that crazy train and you don't have to wait for it to crash.

Amazingglazier

Wcome Lilac, I to like to relax after a long week of work but I have found it much healthier and rewarding to look at/for things I had put off for years, and do/fix them . Seing progress is one of the things that keeps me on the right track! Stay Strong and Well ! Bobby