Welcome Randa!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Southern California
Posts: 129
Hi shyQcodep, Moot, and Lizzie and all the gang out there.
Today is my 3rd day and while I am suffering from the BLUES and very strong emotional lows..crying at the drop of a hat...I am not using as I am doing okay as I now have a support network here at this site. To share this experience with others who have unconditional support and joy in my efforts is what makes Recovery work..at least a very strong reason to stay clean..as I know I have people who are pulling for my success..The power of this is enormious!
I know that I am very emotional..and that's okay..its will pass..I cry alot..the difference is I am not trying to do this alone...
You guys out there can all relate to what I am going thur..
I posted to Lizzies thread just before I checked out my thread and wrote a small book to her..as she is going thur exactly what I have in the past experienced and some of what I am now experiencing. But to know that I am not alone makes all the difference. I am very grateful for the concern and love shown in these posts..and the power of WE is enough to let me know that and remember the HOPE of recovery.
Thanks for asking you guys..I am doing relatively fine..I am so happy I finally started the abstinance part of this program..aware of the withdraw symdroms..knowing that it is okay..to feel..to cry..and that I will be okay..
Today is day 3 for me..Luckly...the level of THC in my system is relatively low before I stopped..for I was not around active pot smokers..and could only get a very small amount of weed..to maintane my being numb..and ability to endure my feelings.
One thing about doing something about my addiction is that some of the shame and guilt I usually feel is being replaced with pride in myself for having the courage to actually stop using and the lessening of shame I usually feef when I am using.
Love you all..randa
Today is my 3rd day and while I am suffering from the BLUES and very strong emotional lows..crying at the drop of a hat...I am not using as I am doing okay as I now have a support network here at this site. To share this experience with others who have unconditional support and joy in my efforts is what makes Recovery work..at least a very strong reason to stay clean..as I know I have people who are pulling for my success..The power of this is enormious!
I know that I am very emotional..and that's okay..its will pass..I cry alot..the difference is I am not trying to do this alone...
You guys out there can all relate to what I am going thur..
I posted to Lizzies thread just before I checked out my thread and wrote a small book to her..as she is going thur exactly what I have in the past experienced and some of what I am now experiencing. But to know that I am not alone makes all the difference. I am very grateful for the concern and love shown in these posts..and the power of WE is enough to let me know that and remember the HOPE of recovery.
Thanks for asking you guys..I am doing relatively fine..I am so happy I finally started the abstinance part of this program..aware of the withdraw symdroms..knowing that it is okay..to feel..to cry..and that I will be okay..
Today is day 3 for me..Luckly...the level of THC in my system is relatively low before I stopped..for I was not around active pot smokers..and could only get a very small amount of weed..to maintane my being numb..and ability to endure my feelings.
One thing about doing something about my addiction is that some of the shame and guilt I usually feel is being replaced with pride in myself for having the courage to actually stop using and the lessening of shame I usually feef when I am using.
Love you all..randa
we're all mad here!
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: a padded room with bars
Posts: 1,681
3rd day........
:
I was emotional when I came off my various drugs. Albiet my emotions were always depression! Ugh. I just lay in bed and wanted to die. Yuck.
I am not surprised you are crying. I am not a psychiatrist....... I wonder, however, is the crying just a healthy reaction??
Keep it up Randa!
:I was emotional when I came off my various drugs. Albiet my emotions were always depression! Ugh. I just lay in bed and wanted to die. Yuck.
I am not surprised you are crying. I am not a psychiatrist....... I wonder, however, is the crying just a healthy reaction??
Keep it up Randa!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Georgia
Posts: 109
"One thing about doing something about my addiction is that some of the shame and guilt I usually feel is being replaced with pride in myself for having the courage to actually stop using and the lessening of shame I usually feef when I am using."
Damn skippy, you go girl!
My thoughts and prayers are still with you,
Triegger
Damn skippy, you go girl!
My thoughts and prayers are still with you,
Triegger
Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Southern California
Posts: 129
Yes crying is healthy..I usually can't get out of bed or want to do anything..I feel overwelmed by living. I guess its feelings that I have so long numbed that just seem overweling.
Its frustrating..to communicate this way vs talking., I get infurority feelings that I am old and supid. I have shame for how I have lived my life as all of us have great potiental..I don't like feeling..the deepest regard and saddest over my family's tree fo addiction..the trageties that still aboung in my family..for some reason..I always feel shame and guilt.Actually I the reasons.. But. today I can feel pride and hope and even joy. A dr once told me I might be bi-por..I don't feel it..Mostly I get alot of depression. But having been in Cogative thpy..I've learned alot about watching your thoughts..but sometimes..thoughts are irrelavent..I will get a dark, saddeness..and tears will flow like a river regardless of my thoughts..(it seems anyway).
So..that right? I just need to realized emotions don't kill you, actions do..
Its frustrating..to communicate this way vs talking., I get infurority feelings that I am old and supid. I have shame for how I have lived my life as all of us have great potiental..I don't like feeling..the deepest regard and saddest over my family's tree fo addiction..the trageties that still aboung in my family..for some reason..I always feel shame and guilt.Actually I the reasons.. But. today I can feel pride and hope and even joy. A dr once told me I might be bi-por..I don't feel it..Mostly I get alot of depression. But having been in Cogative thpy..I've learned alot about watching your thoughts..but sometimes..thoughts are irrelavent..I will get a dark, saddeness..and tears will flow like a river regardless of my thoughts..(it seems anyway).
So..that right? I just need to realized emotions don't kill you, actions do..
Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Southern California
Posts: 129
Tnanks Triegger,Moot.
I am alittle embrassed by the spelling mistakes..I think one thing and type the wrong word..Hope you guys can deciper my mispelled words...but it takes alot out of me doing this and I don't want to proofread what i typed..my eyes sting..my back hurts..things like that..isn't that stupid?..I am embrassed alittle by my lack of socal skills in terms of responding to all your names..I am sure as my mind gets clearer with being sober..it will became easier.. I know it is dumm..but I do lack confidence with anything to do with my personal skill,life..etc..
I am alittle embrassed by the spelling mistakes..I think one thing and type the wrong word..Hope you guys can deciper my mispelled words...but it takes alot out of me doing this and I don't want to proofread what i typed..my eyes sting..my back hurts..things like that..isn't that stupid?..I am embrassed alittle by my lack of socal skills in terms of responding to all your names..I am sure as my mind gets clearer with being sober..it will became easier.. I know it is dumm..but I do lack confidence with anything to do with my personal skill,life..etc..
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Georgia
Posts: 109
Randa,
You are among friends and family here. Don't worry about spelling mistakes we get what you are saying and care about your recovery.
We are in a way all the same, addicts trying to stay sober one minute, one hour, one day at a time. Post whats in your heart and I promise we will get it.
My prayers and thoughts remain,
Triegger
You are among friends and family here. Don't worry about spelling mistakes we get what you are saying and care about your recovery.
We are in a way all the same, addicts trying to stay sober one minute, one hour, one day at a time. Post whats in your heart and I promise we will get it.
My prayers and thoughts remain,
Triegger
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: east coast
Posts: 2,440
Randa,
Congrats on 3 days! I know how you're feeling, been there, done that. I cried ALOT for the first week. I needed to cleanse my soul. Then I picked myself up off the floor and started my new life. It may come quicker for you, or take longer. We all recover at different rates. But we do recover!!!! Keep posting, and who cares about the spelling. I undrestood what you were saying and I'm sure everyone else has too!
sherry
Congrats on 3 days! I know how you're feeling, been there, done that. I cried ALOT for the first week. I needed to cleanse my soul. Then I picked myself up off the floor and started my new life. It may come quicker for you, or take longer. We all recover at different rates. But we do recover!!!! Keep posting, and who cares about the spelling. I undrestood what you were saying and I'm sure everyone else has too!
sherry
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Anytown, USA
Posts: 101
great to talk to you again randa. and thanks to mootpoint and everyone else supporting me, randa, and EVERYONE on this entire site. the most amazing part aside from your support is that you guys are surfing around reading everything making sure you check up on us. a sign of caring. randa, sometimes i am thrown back by the way you say or put things. you do not sound dumb at all. very wise and in tune with life and yourself. i read your 'book' on my thread and felt a great deal of sadness lift off of my mind. love hearing from you and your thoughts on everything. very true that if my husband would quit, he would see if there were any withdrawal symptons. as for bi-polar, i believe that that can come with the territory of being a pothead. i believe that the anxiety, oversleeping, demotivation, shame, and guilt of all the above put us at a risk of demonstrating manic behaviors. you have made it a 3rd day. you should definitely feel proud of your accomplishment. if you didn't, what would be the point? you are not old and stupid. some people go this long and feel it is too late to start the process of changing. you told yourself it wasn't, because it isn't. your social skills are as good as anyone else's here. we all love you and are praying for you. hope your night and holiday is wonderful and drug free.
love,
audra
love,
audra
Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Southern California
Posts: 129
Hi chy,newbies..audra & triegger and sherbear, moot, d.dan, ted, kelkel, ted and ShyQ,
I had a wonderful day with my grandaughter! when to the fair and saw the best fireworks ever? Being around 100's of families and not feeling different or ashamed, loaded and lathargic. Usually I stay at home and miss out on comman things and activities.
I am very tired and not obessing on weed. I hope that people who read these posts come to realized that pot is not just a gateway drug than is relatively "hardless" as this gaves potheads like me (who never really got into the other drugs.. not that we didn't use them).. the fuel that feeds our denial systom. Attitudes similar to lizzies husband and my bf. So what if I never robbed, when to prison or became a hooker? My quaility of life..that is my ability to handle life on life's terms..Sucks..It dramaticly affected my life in all ways, emotionally, spiritally, phsy, financially, and just about everyway that matters.
So..I wonder what tommorow will bring? Whatever it is..I have the support of all of you out here and this is immeasureable..This day will be remembered with a smile on my face and being hope of a new way of life. See you guys..soon, love you all randa
I had a wonderful day with my grandaughter! when to the fair and saw the best fireworks ever? Being around 100's of families and not feeling different or ashamed, loaded and lathargic. Usually I stay at home and miss out on comman things and activities.
I am very tired and not obessing on weed. I hope that people who read these posts come to realized that pot is not just a gateway drug than is relatively "hardless" as this gaves potheads like me (who never really got into the other drugs.. not that we didn't use them).. the fuel that feeds our denial systom. Attitudes similar to lizzies husband and my bf. So what if I never robbed, when to prison or became a hooker? My quaility of life..that is my ability to handle life on life's terms..Sucks..It dramaticly affected my life in all ways, emotionally, spiritally, phsy, financially, and just about everyway that matters.
So..I wonder what tommorow will bring? Whatever it is..I have the support of all of you out here and this is immeasureable..This day will be remembered with a smile on my face and being hope of a new way of life. See you guys..soon, love you all randa
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Anytown, USA
Posts: 101
im glad you had such a great day! i took my son and daughter out to my dad's to swim and we had a great time. your outlook on pot is right on. i have never been arrested or destitute, but my quality of life is as you describe it, complacent and dull. even though i have the urge to smoke right now, i know a better day is ahead and i want to feel 'awake' enough to enjoy it. im glad today was good for you. hope the next day is even better.
love ya
audra
love ya
audra
Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Southern California
Posts: 129
What a joy to know that I have here a place where each hr. spent clean..is an hour that I can be proud of and MOST OF ALL.. celabrate it with everyone..esp..audra and others who are struggling with the same logic and mind set that its okay to smoke weed as it is not addicting..and ok to use. Hqw wonderful to share and be able to find souls that have the same addiction as I. Like I said, we potheads are offen viewed as "wimps" compared to harder drug users or alcohlics..It is supported to be no big deal..for us. How much harder does that atitude may it for us? It just adds to our shame and guilt.
Anyway, I am thrilled and honered to hear of fellow potheads having the courage to admit they have this problem and then to seek help on this site as I am most of the time alone in my desperation over this substance. I feel that society as a whole also minamizes Marijuana's impact on our nation. Its cool to smoke. Potheads don't steal or rob people or kill people or get into fights...they just get the muchies and sleep..have bad is that? Hearing audra's and others facing the truth and real facts will maybe help whose who are in the early stages of using weed..stop and reconsider or maybe stop someone from beginning. I am here to testify that it can steal your life away..steal your soul, your life, your joy, your financial security and lead you to a morale and spirital decay. You just settle..you are not proud about it. When feel bad that you never really handle your problems or face them.
I love you guys and without this site..I couldn't be clean today..day 5..looking forward to reading your posts and sharing your joys and strugles, thoughts and hopes. randa
Anyway, I am thrilled and honered to hear of fellow potheads having the courage to admit they have this problem and then to seek help on this site as I am most of the time alone in my desperation over this substance. I feel that society as a whole also minamizes Marijuana's impact on our nation. Its cool to smoke. Potheads don't steal or rob people or kill people or get into fights...they just get the muchies and sleep..have bad is that? Hearing audra's and others facing the truth and real facts will maybe help whose who are in the early stages of using weed..stop and reconsider or maybe stop someone from beginning. I am here to testify that it can steal your life away..steal your soul, your life, your joy, your financial security and lead you to a morale and spirital decay. You just settle..you are not proud about it. When feel bad that you never really handle your problems or face them.
I love you guys and without this site..I couldn't be clean today..day 5..looking forward to reading your posts and sharing your joys and strugles, thoughts and hopes. randa
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Anytown, USA
Posts: 101
randa. since it is 12.24 am it is now day 6 for you. i am so proud of you. you always hit the mark with your posts. now day 7 for me. a whole week. not easy but making it. society is lax on pot. i am a believer that if you can do something socially (once a month or so) and let go if you need to that is fine. but when you become dependent upon it, it is corrupting you. if i could smoke pot in a social setting i wouldn't necessarily see it as a problem. however, i myself turn one time into 1 time each hour and it no longer becomes 'okay'. don't know if all that makes sense. anyway, i love you lady and feel blessed to have a freindship with you on this site. nice to know we can go thru this together. have a great day!!!!
love
audra
love
audra
Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Southern California
Posts: 129
audra, My daughter told me this morning that I was inspirational to her. Having seen me with this problem almost all her life and also having an addiction...What a powerful and emotional statement that was to hear her say...
Thank you for loving statements. I am so proud of all of us..You have a wonderful day audra..you are in my thoughts. Yes, I agree that smoking socially is okay..too. randa
Thank you for loving statements. I am so proud of all of us..You have a wonderful day audra..you are in my thoughts. Yes, I agree that smoking socially is okay..too. randa
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 110
Hi Randa,
Don't worry about being brief - unless it just takes too long to write the post :wink2:
It's great to see you posting so often and to see you, Lizzie and the other newcomers supporting each other. I've been mostly in lurking mode for the past couple of days - this weekend was a bit rough for me. Happily, the really hard part lasted a bit less than 24 hours and this is the first really hard spot I've had in a month - both of which are vast improvements over the worst of my roller coaster. Happily, I was able to cry it out at my Sunday morning meetings - and this particular pity party got me to a new place in prayer. I'd rather not be in that place too often, but it's good to know that I can get there.
Because I had wound down to once every week or two I didn't have any short-term withdrawal from pot. However, at about 2 months clean and sober I hit a roller coaster which really got my attention. If I didn't have solid support from meetings and a sponsor at that time, I'm pretty sure I would have gone out. I know that you mentioned trying to get to meetings in another thread; I hope that you find a way to make that happen - it's been a life saver for me.
Looking forward to hearing from you on day 7,
James
Don't worry about being brief - unless it just takes too long to write the post :wink2:
It's great to see you posting so often and to see you, Lizzie and the other newcomers supporting each other. I've been mostly in lurking mode for the past couple of days - this weekend was a bit rough for me. Happily, the really hard part lasted a bit less than 24 hours and this is the first really hard spot I've had in a month - both of which are vast improvements over the worst of my roller coaster. Happily, I was able to cry it out at my Sunday morning meetings - and this particular pity party got me to a new place in prayer. I'd rather not be in that place too often, but it's good to know that I can get there.
Because I had wound down to once every week or two I didn't have any short-term withdrawal from pot. However, at about 2 months clean and sober I hit a roller coaster which really got my attention. If I didn't have solid support from meetings and a sponsor at that time, I'm pretty sure I would have gone out. I know that you mentioned trying to get to meetings in another thread; I hope that you find a way to make that happen - it's been a life saver for me.
Looking forward to hearing from you on day 7,
James
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Anytown, USA
Posts: 101
hey randa.
about your daughter, that is how is was for me. i think we talked abou that before. my mom completely changed her life when i was 18 and REALLY screwing up. a lot more than pot. your mother is usually the person you look to the most. when you are sad and at the very bottom, mom is always there. that is how your daughter looks at you and you come thru for her everyday. not only are we proud of you, but you should be proud of you. youare just doing sooo great. glad we can go thru this together.
james,
that place in prayer. been there. the other day i literally got down on hands and knees, put my face to the ground and worshiped God. the things he has done for me and others around me. and i begged. i begged for strength, hope, faith, patience, you name it. i know the circumstances for you being in that place weren't great, but try that place more often and feel that awesome Power wash over you. hope your day is great.
randa, love you lady. you deserve a great and sober life. keep it up.
love,
audra
about your daughter, that is how is was for me. i think we talked abou that before. my mom completely changed her life when i was 18 and REALLY screwing up. a lot more than pot. your mother is usually the person you look to the most. when you are sad and at the very bottom, mom is always there. that is how your daughter looks at you and you come thru for her everyday. not only are we proud of you, but you should be proud of you. youare just doing sooo great. glad we can go thru this together.
james,
that place in prayer. been there. the other day i literally got down on hands and knees, put my face to the ground and worshiped God. the things he has done for me and others around me. and i begged. i begged for strength, hope, faith, patience, you name it. i know the circumstances for you being in that place weren't great, but try that place more often and feel that awesome Power wash over you. hope your day is great.
randa, love you lady. you deserve a great and sober life. keep it up.
love,
audra
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