Tetra

In a few weeks I will be six months sober.

I keep reflecting on the past. Today I was walking through town and I was remembering things and thinking "this is where X happened". I could feel myself get all red and panicky.

My mother and I do not get on. She has a habit of bringing up my past as well. A number of years ago I did something that I am deeply ashamed of. I stole some money from her purse and she caught me. Now, I have apologised several times but she keeps bringing it up. Like last week she couldn't find her bag and she asked me if I stole it which I didn't. Today she asked "where is the money your dad left on the table? Did you steal it?" Before I could reply my dad said "I put it in my pocket before I left the house".

I know it is going to take time to regain people's trust but constant, non-stop reminders of my past really stress me out. I am not that person anymore and I want to leave the old me dead and buried under a pile of wine and vodka bottles.

Thank you for reading and letting me get some things off my chest. I would be a lot worse off without this site and all my friends here x

Anna

I'm really sorry you are going through this.

Yes, it takes time for people to regain trust in you, but is your mother attempting to regain trust? It doesn't sound like it to me. For me, I could not have managed in that kind of environment. I was too vulnerable. I hope, for your sake, that you take some time away from the relationship with your mother to allow you to heal and continue your recovery.

Ruby2

Hi Tetra,

Sorry that you are feeling down about this. I've read earlier posts of yours and know that you and your mother do not get on. It is hard when someone keeps bringing up the past. I don't have any advice really, just support. You know that you aren't that person anymore. You have already apologized to your mother. You already know she will continue to bring it up. Knowing can help protect you. As for walking through town. Can you substitute thoughts of good things that happened? There must be something.

Cheers. I hope your day gets better.

KAD

There isn't a great deal you can do about other people throwing your past into your face. That comes with the territory. The important thing for you to remember is not to do it to yourself. Remember the Serenity Prayer. The past falls under "things I cannot change." I left myself get eaten up by regrets, guilt, and shame so many times. Unfortunately, it was often a springboard for returning to my addiction. Please don't fall into that trap. Hold your head high and move forward. You can't do a single thing about yesterday. All you have is today. Sounds cliché, I know, but it is absolutely true.

Congratulations on 6 months, BTW!

Dee74

Some great advice here Tetra. Some people will be what you want them to be, I'm afraid.

As for guilt and regret - we can;t change the past -= but you've done a lot fo good things for yourself and others in the last 6 months - that's what I'd focus on

Congratulations

D