Berrybean

Yes - I'm waiting to move to a neighbouring city (only 15 mins away) and, while I won't be severing all contacts as I'll be commuting for work anyway, going to the same gym, and coming into Cambridge for the meeting on Saturdays, I think it will be easier to stay away from some of the 'old soak' crowd and culture that I had become involved in over the years.

I'm looking forward to getting settled in my new home, having some pampering nights, going for riverside jogs followed by candlelit soak in the bath (my current landlord has a complete ban on candles, and there is only a shower - little things eh!! lol) re-aquainting myself with my cornet and trumpet and joining the local brass band, continuing to work the steps, getting organised and enthusiastic about my work (believe me - I am one of the few lucky people who has a job that you could get enthused about - if you're being organised and sober that is. Pissed and chaotic just made it all overwhelming) ... yep. Lots to look forward to. This new AF life isn't looking quite so scary and lonely. 6 weeks sober today, and 4 AA meetings worth of support (which has been an amazing help) and things are starting to look more manageable.

LadyBlue0527

Same here Pedro, shortly after I quit I recognized just how many friends I have that surround their life with alcohol. It became very apparent on Facebook. Friday nights with pictures of their drink sitting on the bar, groups of people all standing raising their glasses or bottles. I knew what the next morning held for them and I reveled in it. When I woke up the next morning I'd go on Facebook and see all of the posts lamenting about headaches, people really sick from their actions the previous night and I would smile. I posted about it on here and I received the same kind of replies.

This board provides superior support and also a place to help others. Another thing that it provides is a tremendous learning experience if you're willing to listen.

Upon posting about hungover people when I received the replies that I did at first I felt justified and was miffed about it. I mean, I'm sober and reveling in the negative drinking actions of others, why is that not ok?

Searching a little further I realized that standing in a crowd of drinking people and observing what idiots they are or by reveling in their pain the next morning I was still focused on my own days of drinking and not on recovery. The people on this board helped me to recognize that.

Will there ever be a day where we go to a party and watch someone be a clod and not think back to our drinking days? Or a time when we read something or someone says how much pain that they're in from their actions the previous night and we don't secretly smile to ourselves? Not sure. Maybe not.

However, the replies and the look inward helped me to understand that my actions, although observing others, were really about me and weren't conducive to working on recovery.

Mountainmanbob

not the kind of party that I would be attending
for me being around people that drink a little is no big deal
but
hanging out at a (let's all get drunk party) sounds like torture to me

ever notice how pathetic some are when drinking ?
not to forget their great conversations held

I find straight out drinking parties to be sad and boring
most after being sober for a while will not be found hanging out there

MM

Pedro1234

I tend to agree with much of what you post here Bob. The only thing is that a decision deeds to be made by me on if i want to dump all my social group (say its too hard) and move on or learn to adapt to being a non drinker around my old social group. For now i am trying to adapt with my old social group. I am aware of what the outcomes of this decision could be including:
1) Me relapsing. ( I don't intend to do this)
2) Me not enjoying their company anymore. (It is hard being sober around drunks)
3)Them not enjoying my company anymore. (Obvious reasons while tey are drinking)
I do avoid many of the get together's as i don't want to push my luck but some are unavoidable and lets face it we all need to learn to face these situations as they will be unavoidable from time to time.
The most likely outcome will be that over time the social group will will stop inviting me as I reject far more invitations than i attend these days.

Pedro1234

Well done on your 6 weeks of sobriety Beccybean

Pedro1234

Seems a common theme to have to change friends. The question is then what happens when your family are all heavy drinkers such as in my family? We cant just change our family! I refuse to walk away from them so my only choice is to be strong with my recovery and be accepting that they don't feel the need or are not strong enough to abstain.

Dee74

I actually had to divorce myself from my family for a while Pedro - not just for the drinking but for other reasons too. I limited myself to phone contact for 3 years or so.

So, although it might not be an option you choose, it is an option - and it worked to solve many problems for me.

D

LadyBlue0527

I also understand your plight. My core family unit was my dad, my mom, my big brother, and me. My mom and dad have passed. Up until I got sober I spent almost every weekend going to my brothers and drinking with him. He's a hardcore alcoholic who has diabetes. I was concerned about him but not concerned enough to stop drinking around him. He's my protector and has a heart of gold. We look out for each other.

I haven't seen him in almost 11 months but we talk. When the phone rings after 8 at night and it's him I know that when I answer what I'm going to hear. It's awful to listen to, he's so stewed he can hardly talk. I still can't go and hang out with him. Not like we're really young and have all our years ahead of us either. It's been a tough decision but I can't watch him do that to himself now. He's supportive and understands why too.

It's a sad decision. You have to do what you have to do to protect you. At least until you have a strong foothold.

I wish you the best Pedro. This isn't easy but it's worth it.

Pedro1234

I don't know what will happen regarding my family i guess i will just have to do what i have to do and see how it pans out,
I do know that my drinking was an extension of the lifestyle that all of my family has lived for years. I was allowed to join my parents partying at a really young age (14) as were my sisters and brothers. My father died an alcoholic and my mother is a chronic alcoholic (their parents were all alcoholics). My brothers and sisters all have drinking problems and their children are heading down the same path as they are following the same upbringing.
I have bought my children up rather more strict and not let them drink until they came of age when it then becomes their choice. I am really trying to break this cycle within my immediate family in particular and trying to lead by example. I hope its not too late!

Berrybean

Well done for trying to break the cycle Pedro. And you will know what to look out for and offer them help if they do need it.