kiki1988

Hi guys,

I'm coming up on 30 days of my first attempt to get sober. So far it has gone well, with only one near miss. I called a new AA friend that time and she helped me out of a jam.

I keep going to bars, clubs and brunches though.

And even though I know it's a bad idea, it's like I'm not ready to let go. Partly it's because I still want to be seen as 'fun' and 'normal' by my friends.

Any advice?

Tang

I have no advice, but wanted to say grats on 30 days (or close).

ontherightpath

Congrats I can't give advice but I can share my experience- I stay away from the places that will tempt me. Sometimes I skip going to the grocery store alone, lol. My friends are well aware of my drinking problem-- having witnessed my sharp tongue, my nodding head (at the bar), and my complete blackouts.

I found new friends with different hobbies. I am still friends with some of those drinking buddies, but our relationships have changed. I'm healing my life, they respect that.

And besides, going to a bar with me, when I was drinking made them more of a babysitter most times.

Amazingglazier

Welcome Kiki, I too had the same situation when I stopped. My SO had owned a bar for 23 years and I knew may people in the industry that were friends, so I would keep going to bars to see bar worker/friends that I knew. For a while their were the few that would be telling me oh, one won't hurt , but soon they got the message that I was serious! I cannot say I was never tempted , but I didn't give in! I just got sentenced in Febuary for a DWI I got in August of 2011, I have to call them as I have to wear a ankle bracelet that has GPS and senses Alcohol on your skin for the next 57 days and i'm scared to death that they could track me down and find me in a bar even though i'm not drinking! It always helps to avoid possible situations where alcohol is available, but if you are strong in your commitment to stop , as I am , then you must do what you feel you can handle. I have had no problem , being in a bar sipping Cranberry and club soda, so I can hang with my friends although I don't stay all day like I used too. I have to many other things to do after years of putting them off, LOL! Stay Strong and Well! Bobby

LBrain

Congrats on almost 30 days.
I'm not afraid to give you advice whether I,m qualified or not.

Stay out of the bars, clubs and places until YOU don't have to ask for advice about it.

Another cliche... If you have to ask, you probably already know the answer.

It's like, "Does this dress make me look fat?" She doesn't want an answer, she's only seeking confirmation. BACK OFF LADIES! I think you look fine in that dress.

Tamerua

Hi Kiki

When I got sober, I had to change everything: friends, hangouts and habits. I was incredibly worried that I wouldn't be fun or funny. I have found that I'm still both those things, just in a different atmosphere.


A couple days before my first anniversary, I was taken to a bar (long story) and it was the kind of place I would have loved when I was still drinking but when I got there, I ended up leaving within moments. It wasn't fun at all. Watching people drunk and talking BS (yelling, actually because the music was so loud)... Ugh.

Anyway, that had been my experience.

Lynn

Croissant

Hi Kiki, welcome and hope you find lots of resources here.

Like most things, everyone approaches their sobriety differently. I think most try to stay away from bars if it's going to make us wish we could drink.

Over time, I've realised I don't feel the need to be around people drinking endlessly, and I definitely think "wishing" I could be one of them contributed to me slipping. And not necessarily right there in the bar, but afterwards.

Most of us find over time, we find who the friends are that we can socialise with without alcohol. Then others fall away as we see our only bond was drinking.

Best wishes for your journey and may you find there's a whole wonderful life waiting for you outside that bar.

Low

For me, getting sober is creating a NEW life for myself, which is so exciting....not hanging out and on to the old one....hanging on to the idea that you have to drink to be " seen as 'fun' and 'normal' by my friends"....sounds like alcoholic thinking to me...use your sobriety to stretch and grow, not stay stuck in the past...It's a awesome way to live. If nothing changes, nothing changes.

Bombadil

Hi Kiki. Of course everyone is different but most on here would probably agree that staying away from bars would be the safest course of action. If I went to a bar tonight with my friends, I'd probably end up drinking, but that says more about my lack of willpower than the bar scene in general. My "addiction voice" would rationalise it in my head. If you feel that you're able to cope with being around alcohol without indulging, then by all means keep enjoying the bar scene. It'd probably be advisable to keep a pack of gum or mints with you just in case the cravings kick in.

Hope this helped.

Bom.

sugarbear1

you are a normal alcoholic and can't drink safely. embrace this

sillysuzanfree

Good for you on calling that friend to help you out of the jam! So far so good but you may want to start hanging more with the type of friends you call for help. You can compromise on your lifestyle a little...how about cutting out the bars and clubs for a while but still continue meeting old friends for brunches?

KateL

Congrats on your sober time. I can go and have fun with drinkers now and don't give alcohol a second thought. I have learned to be outgoing without it. It can take a long period of sobriety for some to handle this well. If you feel it's still too early to go to places that might tempt you, do something else for the time being like sports, movies - anything really. Just because you don't drink, it doesn't make you any less fun. I find really drunk people terminally boring. xxxxxx

roguedreams

As other posters have said, everybody is different. I can only speak for/from my own experience...

I work in a bar setting where I am allowed to drink on the clock. I quit drinking nigh two weeks ago and continue to work there. I will say this, however. If I weren't working ... if I were there to socialize alone ... it would be a million times harder. Psychologically I know I'm there to work, that I have an alternate reason for being there (as opposed to just chilling with friends at a bar) and that makes it incredibly easier.

I went to a bar earlier this week with a friend (we used to get together every Tues afternoon to drink) - he knows I quit but we went to socialize. I found I got bored incredibly quickly. Not triggered, just bored out of my mind.

To each his own, but if your motive in going is because you want to APPEAR "fun and normal" to your friends, I would re-evaluate my purpose. My inexperienced opinion is that if the motive is faulty, you could be setting yourself up for failure. Only you know your true reasons for wanting to go; if they're based on other people, it's a tenuous circumstance at best. IMHO.

Besides, their idea of "fun and normal" mayn't be your sober idea of fun and normal... it's all relative! Time for introspection? You might discover a whole new realm of possibilities if you give yourself a chance to explore what YOU think is fun and normal ... sober. just my .02!

Congrats on thirty days, amigo!