Fell off AGAIN
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,462
Laura, I can totally relate. After some great sober time whether it be days, weeks or months, my addiction starts to tell me that I feel great, that some wine or beer won't hurt, or that I don't need to abstain completely, just cut back. But EVERY SINGLE time, I give in to that voice, I regret it.
I agree with goose..hate the door. Let it serve as a reminder of where you do not want to go again and start back up. You had a great week with your kids, yesterday is over, go for another great day. You can do this.
I agree with goose..hate the door. Let it serve as a reminder of where you do not want to go again and start back up. You had a great week with your kids, yesterday is over, go for another great day. You can do this.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 209
Great advise, took picture of door and of myself this morning, looking like crap. I realised I have gained a few pounds as well. Maybe some kind of diet/healthy lifestyle will aid in recovery. I already excersise a lot but I am not getting any better because of my drinking.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,840
Originally Posted by goose333 
Laura,
I don't think that being 'ruined' is so simple. It's not an all or nothing thing. It's about how 'ruined' we are. Since your kids are a motivator, try thinking of it this way next time you want to drink.
Each of your kids have a ruined meter over their heads. Every time you do something you perceive as ruining them, the meter moves towards 100%, but for each day/week/month you don't, the meter drops down a little. Although you may have done a lot of things in the past to move that meter up the scale, you can still do things to make it go to zero.
Imagine if you never took another drink ever. Ever. In ten years, where would that meter be on your kids. I bet it would be zero. I bet they would think, 'My mom had a problem a long time ago. But not now. I'm so proud of her!'
We can't change the past, but we can make it SO unimportant. You have the power to do that. Think about it.
Goose
I don't think that being 'ruined' is so simple. It's not an all or nothing thing. It's about how 'ruined' we are. Since your kids are a motivator, try thinking of it this way next time you want to drink.
Each of your kids have a ruined meter over their heads. Every time you do something you perceive as ruining them, the meter moves towards 100%, but for each day/week/month you don't, the meter drops down a little. Although you may have done a lot of things in the past to move that meter up the scale, you can still do things to make it go to zero.
Imagine if you never took another drink ever. Ever. In ten years, where would that meter be on your kids. I bet it would be zero. I bet they would think, 'My mom had a problem a long time ago. But not now. I'm so proud of her!'
We can't change the past, but we can make it SO unimportant. You have the power to do that. Think about it.
Goose
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: US
Posts: 556
I think the number one thing that has helped me stay sober so far is moving outside my comfort zone in recovery. I'm not convinced that exactly WHAT I'm doing (AA) is the key - it's simply that I'm doing it, and I'm invested enough to do uncomfortable things that are opening doors within myself that I thought were closed forever.
And kids. Oh kids. I have three of them and I understand the guilt and all or nothing feelings so so well. This is my weak spot, the place I can wallow in the past if I let myself. But I just can't go there because it is not productive or helpful. As a child of an alcoholic who got sober when I was 12, I know down to my toes that what is wrong can be made right. Here's what I say about my mom, and what I said pretty soon after she quit drinking, really: My mother was an incredible, loving mom - the best I could hope for. We had some tough years, and years where she simply was not well, but she got better and that is all that mattered.
It really is all that matters to kids. That you get better. And you can get better.
And kids. Oh kids. I have three of them and I understand the guilt and all or nothing feelings so so well. This is my weak spot, the place I can wallow in the past if I let myself. But I just can't go there because it is not productive or helpful. As a child of an alcoholic who got sober when I was 12, I know down to my toes that what is wrong can be made right. Here's what I say about my mom, and what I said pretty soon after she quit drinking, really: My mother was an incredible, loving mom - the best I could hope for. We had some tough years, and years where she simply was not well, but she got better and that is all that mattered.
It really is all that matters to kids. That you get better. And you can get better.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 209
Thank you Adee, it is really easy to dwell in all the bad stuff, I need to look forward. My kids are fairly small, 9 and 11, so there is hopefully time to repair some of the bad. Also
I donīt drink every day and have been drinking excessively the last 2 years, som maybe my kids have some good memories of me. I will really try to focus on the good things, focusing on all the bad stuff just makes me want to drink..
I donīt drink every day and have been drinking excessively the last 2 years, som maybe my kids have some good memories of me. I will really try to focus on the good things, focusing on all the bad stuff just makes me want to drink..
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Join Date: Jan 2014
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I think that is key. How many times have I drank over the fact that I was guilty I was drinking and sad at the consequences for my kids? Gah, this thing is just so insane.
For me, thinking in general is kind of the enemy. I just can't trust my thoughts anymore - they lead me astray again and again. I hope that this journey allows me to find and trust my inner voice again, but I'm not there yet. So I rely on others to guide me, and I don't drink today. Just today. Seems to me, lots and lots of "success" stories start with: "I don't know if I can do this forever, but I will not drink today".
For me, thinking in general is kind of the enemy. I just can't trust my thoughts anymore - they lead me astray again and again. I hope that this journey allows me to find and trust my inner voice again, but I'm not there yet. So I rely on others to guide me, and I don't drink today. Just today. Seems to me, lots and lots of "success" stories start with: "I don't know if I can do this forever, but I will not drink today".
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Island Park , NY
Posts: 373
Yesterday is gone, Today is here, Tommorrow may not come! Live for the day without a drink and your life WILL get better, I promise! Nothing you do good is supported by alcohol , you and your kids don't need the bad that comes with it! Stay Strong and Well ! Bobby
Still I rise.
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Oh Canada!
Posts: 1,121
I joined this site MONTHS before I actually quit for good. I tried and was successful for weeks, or a month or two months at a time. I kept reading on here and trying again. It's been a year and a half now without any alcohol. You can do this--just don't give up trying!
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Join Date: Dec 2013
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Live for the day, that sounds very good. It is really difficult, I am a planner, I plan things way in advance. I always look forward and am always waiting for some better future. Sigh.. I really have to try and change my whole thinking and mindset.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
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I just talked to my son about my behaviour yesterday, he surely finds it weird. He didnīt say anything about drinking. But asked me if I remembered one thing and I said why wouldnīt I rememeber? "You are sometimes so tired during the night". That felt bad to hear. Surely he must realize that drinking is involved? He is 11...Tomorrow the kids will go to their father (I am divorced) for next week. I feel bad about being an idiot and then leaving them. But i canīt do anything else but to sober up and be a better mum when I get them back in a week.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
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While it is good to have long term goals, there seems to be a more immediate one you should concentrate on as it is the one thing that your future depends on. By the time I was your sons age I had been sent away to a home for boys, where I saw some not too pleasant things go on. I thought my dad rest his soul had always been a alcoholic , but found out in my 30's that was not the case. He was a very hard working man, self educated but never got over the fact that had he let go of his stubborn idea of not asking for help from anyone, my sister who died over basically a bad cold might still be with us today! He couldn't bear to ask a neighbor with a phone to call an ambulance, she would be 1 year my senior now! Stay Strong and Well! Bobby
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Island Park , NY
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Laura when I was really bad I used to do some really stupid crap, usually ending up breaking things in the house that I knew damn well i'd be the one to fix it the next day! In my office I never did fix the hole over my desk where I threw an ashtray through the sheetrock and another spot where I planted one of those huge oversized calculators (the ones for the sight impaired) into the sheetrock because I was so drunk I couldn't get it to work while making a feeble attempt at paying the bills, LOL! It and the other hole stay there to remind me not to drink, the calculator is still stuck in the wall as when I am sober I don't need it! Stay Strong and Well ! Bobby
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