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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
Thank you, I finally slept but only a few hours I'm still tired, it was something. I donno I feel selfish and needy and I don't play well with others. Like on a closer level, I don't really wanna like make a close bond with someone else and then when I really need them they are nowhere to be found. I can't take the feeling of rejection. I will absolutely read everything on there. I wasn't sure what those all were and ended up jumping to something else. Thank you for the suggestion I am off work today I'm planning on doing a lot of reading this afternoon. I'm gonna fix my car myself and take a walk cause it's ok weather. Listen to some music and make sure I eat well today. I'm doing a little better but my mornings are better, it gets bad at night cause that's normally when I would be drinking. I just feel so emotional and needy and selfish, I really hate it. I'm doing ok tho. I don't really want any beer or anything else today.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
I have been to many of them, I donno I always feel uncomfortable no matter what honestly. I was always did well with writing and foreign language in school, it's just way easier and casual I guess for me to type this stuff out. Like when I'm put on the spot and asked what it really is that's bothering me i freeze up and my mind goes blank, like I'm on stage doing comedy almost. It's nerve racking and every meeting I have attended I usually end up in my car crying after. It really isn't the thing for me.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
well, guess what? I don't fit in either. You don't have to share or speak. You can just sit and listen. Just take it all in. Maybe something will click. The thing is at least it's an hour or so occupying your time away from drinking. Hearing how others have and are battling it should at least let you know you are not the only one. I have seen the same guys come into meetings quietly and quietly slip away after. It's no big deal.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
Why does the only answer always have to be sitting with a large group of people tho, I hate the feeling and my own anxiety and nonsense don't allow me to actually focus and take anything in, my hands are sweaty, I'm shaking, and if there is a window I usually stare out of it or at the clock. I really have tried to make it work for me and it leaves me more upset then if I just stayed home and didn't go, I understand and hearing what you are saying and have even tried! Please I'm trying to find something that works...that's all
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
I have seen struggle and peoples battles around me on a 24/7 basis, the last thing I want to hear is yet even more peoples struggles. I guess I'm the kind of person that people can come to and confide in with their problems, and it leaves me emotionally drained. I know I sound stubborn, it annoys everyone around me too.
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Not annoying Solitary - we all understand how you're feeling right now. I'm glad you're posting your feelings and finding some relief. It will get better and easier. Once you get through this phase you never have to go back to that miserable place.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Scotland
Posts: 1,506
Originally Posted by SolitaryThinker 
Hi, I stumbled upon this website on google. I'm 28 years old and have been an addict sense I was 13. I have had several earth shattering events take place back to back, although it is no excuse I feel like it is the depth of why I have the issues that I do. I have read a bit, and would like to read more. I won't post much right away, I'm kinda a loner and stick to my own thing. This is the first place where I have read anything similar to what I have been experiencing in my own mind. I have attended AA and NA and have been sober from hard chemical substances for 8 years now. My addiction shifted to drinking and I have been officially off beers and booze for 3 days now. I'm doing it myself, I feel ok I suppose. AA has not been successful because I really have a really personal and big issue with the higher power thing and also found a thread here I would like to read more into. When I made my account it suggested me to post here so I am leaving a short summary of my situation. Hello everyone and have a nice day/night.
Hi and Welcome, great place to be.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
Yea it actually really is a relif and I appriciate all of this so much, I can't sit with it....I would go back, and I don't want to, I just had a sandwitch and missed eating very much. Thanks so much for understanding. Im telling myself like a mantra "you never want to go thru this again". I'm never ever doing it again. I'm an emotional person anyone but it also works out positively in my life, people do like being around me despite my poor choices and behaviors and I care about everyone that is close to me. If I was a complete monster it would be harder I suppose...
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