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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
I'm just upset, sorry...i have nobody else in my life other then her and don't really have a place to vent, truely hating myself at the moment, but I'm not gonna drink that's all I know
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lowcountry
Posts: 2,762
Hang in there ST ,
This early stuff is rough , ...your addiction convincing you to argue w/ your girl , . and conclude "better to drink than that" ....all your addictive voice .
Have u ever read about AVRT ,
There 's a pretty good sticky down in the Secular section , ...was just reading it today
,,;....compelling , if you're up to it
TS
This early stuff is rough , ...your addiction convincing you to argue w/ your girl , . and conclude "better to drink than that" ....all your addictive voice .
Have u ever read about AVRT ,
There 's a pretty good sticky down in the Secular section , ...was just reading it today
,,;....compelling , if you're up to it
TS
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
I actually asked her to not be near me at all and she's not an addict at all, so her idea of helping is showing up at my place. It started there and just kept going, same thing the last 3 nights, I'm just really at my breaking point, it's not just her, my father shot himself and my family lied to me about it, my mom and step father are in and out of the hospital, my job is closing down soon for renovations and I'm out of work for two months, my friends are overdosing left and right, my car keeps breaking and I can't afford to pay it, my life is in 200 directions, plus I seriously walk thru every day hating myself anyway before all this. I tell all my friends and close ones how much I can't stand who I am. There are days I wish bad things would happen to me. I would never kill myself because of how badly my father hurt my family, but not gonna say I haven't thought about it. I used to smoke crack and take pills and haven't touched them in 8 years thank whoever, but I don't even feel like I got to enjoy any of that sobriety. I'm still here!!! Most people would just say whatever but I refuse. I'm just not doing well... And this dosent help at all.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Hole-in-the-Wall TX
Posts: 88
Welcome, ST
Glad to have you here, ST! And thanks for sharing. 
And congrats for kicking the drug habit!! 
You'll get the alcohol kicked, too!
I'm going through intense bouts of irritability as well. But I've been doing self-talk out loud, and meditating and not speaking much to any friends or family for the time being. I need to work on myself right now and am avoiding any chance of confrontation.
The support and caring I get on this site is life-empowering. Stick around and keep sharing. We all need one another.
And congrats for kicking the drug habit!! You'll get the alcohol kicked, too!I'm going through intense bouts of irritability as well. But I've been doing self-talk out loud, and meditating and not speaking much to any friends or family for the time being. I need to work on myself right now and am avoiding any chance of confrontation.
The support and caring I get on this site is life-empowering. Stick around and keep sharing. We all need one another.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 625
Welcome, ST, and believe me when I say that the fourth day is absolutely terrible pretty much across the board.
I've experienced one horrific even after the other for the past 13 years, and that was after a lifetime if abuse. And I'm just throwing that in there so you can see that someone who's experienced a lot of pain, like you have, had a terrible day 4 too
It won't stay this way. At all. Your body is wrenching out a lot of toxins and you may be in withdrawal. Going through that alone may be really dangerous actually.
Which brings me to the alone part. Sweet, blessed, sanctuary of solitude. It can be really hard for our partners to understand that we want to be alone. Because they care and want to be there for us, and feel so rejected and unneeded and unwanted. There's going to have to be some give and take in a little while...
But, I believe that going cold turkey after doing 20 beers a day for a long time, and still shaking and wrenching, means you may need her in a more important way right now. To protect you and make sure you're ok. Some people need medical supervision and attention at stages in their withdrawal, and you do not want to be alone.
I think once you're in a safe threshold, you may be more capable of discussing your need for solitude with her, in a way that isn't violently pushing her away, because of your irritability.
It's nice to meet you, I hope you find this to be as helpful a place as I have. I really appreciate your solitary nature and I think you'll find lots of understanding here.
I've experienced one horrific even after the other for the past 13 years, and that was after a lifetime if abuse. And I'm just throwing that in there so you can see that someone who's experienced a lot of pain, like you have, had a terrible day 4 too
It won't stay this way. At all. Your body is wrenching out a lot of toxins and you may be in withdrawal. Going through that alone may be really dangerous actually.
Which brings me to the alone part. Sweet, blessed, sanctuary of solitude. It can be really hard for our partners to understand that we want to be alone. Because they care and want to be there for us, and feel so rejected and unneeded and unwanted. There's going to have to be some give and take in a little while...
But, I believe that going cold turkey after doing 20 beers a day for a long time, and still shaking and wrenching, means you may need her in a more important way right now. To protect you and make sure you're ok. Some people need medical supervision and attention at stages in their withdrawal, and you do not want to be alone.
I think once you're in a safe threshold, you may be more capable of discussing your need for solitude with her, in a way that isn't violently pushing her away, because of your irritability.
It's nice to meet you, I hope you find this to be as helpful a place as I have. I really appreciate your solitary nature and I think you'll find lots of understanding here.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
Yes, this is what I'm talking about and thank you. I calmly and rationally explained that I just needed a few days and I would be ok. We are very close and have been together for almost 5 years, she knows how badly I'm hurting and wants this for me very much as well, but her idea of help and my idea of help are INSANELY different. It's no excuse, but I put my body thru some pretty horrific stuff. In my worst time I didn't eat for several days getting high and blacked out in the street, someone found me and actually didn't call an ambulance but someone in my cell phone, def my worst. I know detox is a scary thing but I really pushed it to the limit. I know my body well and know I'm actually quite fine at the moment physically. Just my stomach is like blech but that's also cause I started eating 3 meals a day again. My stomach is not used to it. I work in a restaurant so I have been eating fresh salads and grilled chicken and whatnot, not shoving junk food down my throat. I started eating fresh fruits again and started taking a multi vitamin as well as a 5htp/St. John's blend due do destruction from club drugs. I am actually feeling quite confident and strong in my quest at the moment. Like doing it once already kinda makes this easier in a weird way, almost like the tracks are figuratively placed for me already. But my real issue is managing the stress and irritability that is coming along with this, and I so so have to stop beating myself up still, that's probably just as bad if not worse habit then the booze itself. I really do get deep in my own mind, which is a blessing and a curse at the same time. I donno.....
Try try again
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Hole-in-the-Wall TX
Posts: 88
You can no more beat yourself up for suffering addiction than you can beat someone up for suffering from any other illness. Have mercy on yourself and rest your mind. Realize the awesome possibilities because you possess wisdom and took the initiative to work on your recovery. I certainly am inspired by your victories and am thankful you're sharing it with us!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
I entered the chat room and it was people talking about call of duty and the fukujima nuclear meltdown, I didn't really see the substance behind the conversation but if it was helping someone that is good. Just didn't really have much to say...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 625
I'm part of the March 2014 class thread, it's really helpful to talk to a group of people that I'm now familiar with, who are also on the same track as me. Most of the time, according to time zones, there's people in there, and it's just a safe place to go and vent or ask questions.
Maybe check out the Class of April 2014 thread, in Newcomers to Recovery? You can be as much a part of it or a lone wolf if you want
Posting here is good too, especially in the beginning when you have a specific inquiry.
Oh, sleep will get so much better too! Amazing, uninterrupted baby sleep coming your way in a couple days!
Maybe check out the Class of April 2014 thread, in Newcomers to Recovery? You can be as much a part of it or a lone wolf if you want
Posting here is good too, especially in the beginning when you have a specific inquiry.
Oh, sleep will get so much better too! Amazing, uninterrupted baby sleep coming your way in a couple days!
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