Saturday is here again
 

I hope everyone is enjoying their weekends.

I have to admit, I've very disappointed in myself. Today was a day I've been looking forward to for probably three weeks or so. I made all these plans to get up, go out and enjoy the day. And I didn't follow through with any of them. Why? I really didn't feel like getting out of bed this morning. I just didn't want to do it.

So, per usual, I now I no drive to do anything else today. The sun is out, the sky is blue, the weather is nice. Why don't I want to get off my couch? I have nothing to do. Nowhere to be. And no one to notice I'm not out having any kind of enjoyment today.

Most days, being alone and feeling lonely doesn't bother me. But you know, it'd really be nice to just be able to sit out in the sun on a patio somewhere having a cup of coffee and a conversation with a person. I don't mind talking to the cats (not conversations, I'm not THAT crazy) but it'd be nice to have someone that talks back. It's true this situation isn't new. It's been going on for over a year now. You'd think I'd be used to it.

The drinking made it so much easier to cope with. Notice, I said it didn't make things better. It made it easier to cope with. If I was trashed, I didn't notice I was alone. I didn't care, at least in that moment. And yes, it didn't solve anything or in reality make anything better, in the short term or long run. But for right then, I was happy. I was oblivious to the loneliness. I know it wasn't real happiness. It was momentary euphoria brought on by a drug.

I didn't expect life to be easy. But oh how I wish it wasn't lonely.

I don't feel like I'm in danger of drinking today although I will most likely avoid any grocery stores if I go out today. I'm just having a little pity party for myself and I'm sorry for that. It does make me feel better to just get that out.

((((Arry))) I send you hugs. Early recovery is difficult. I found it hard to peel myself out of the house too. do you have any sober friends who might like to meet you for breakfast or lunch? Can you make plans with someone? I found even a phone date helped me.

I used to talk to my cats! they had some of the more sensible advice! LOL. eat well, drink lots of fresh, cool water from a pretty glass, stretch lots, sleep as you can and purr. LOL

Love from Lenina

I can totally relate to the "had plans and didn't do any of them" tale. When I got up enough energy to think that very thing, I felt like crap when I hauled off and didn't get up and "do." I spent alot of time reading and reading and reading and then more reading. Not much socializing AT ALL. But like I said, I spent alot of time reading everything I could about recovery. I had to learn to CUT MYSELF A LITTLE SLACK. I had to learn to quit getting down on myself for not "accomplishing" this and that. That was NOT easy but over time I have learned to not be so harsh with myself and treat myself with the same kind, gentle, compassionate way I would a dear, sick friend. I think we all can behave harshly with ourselves and need to change that. :)

Just pretend I'm sitting there with you on the couch drinking coffee. I so understand running out of steam and not doing stuff. Or not even wanting to do stuff. It is so hard to give yourself permission to just feel what you are feeling, without apology. My house looks like a candidate for "hoarders" but I don't feel like doing anything either. And I feel guilty about it but still can't get over the inertia.

Hang in there. If you don't have to go to the store, I'd avoid it. For the time being. Have you been on the weekenders thread today? I've been seriously close to breaking down myself the past few days but I'm not going to do it. Hugs. Talking to the cats works for me. I talk to mine. They don't sass me or give me bad advice. And they only nag me when they are hungry.

I sometimes get in moods like that too, where I just don't want to "do anything"!! It will pass. Sometimes I have to force myself to do at least one thing.

I think you can enjoy a day and not necessarily do anything, it's Saturday and if you don' have any commitments just stay home read a book, watch a movie or something. Just enjoy the day without drink. Beats being drunk.

Aarryckha, FANTASTIC, I didn't drink today either, rootin for ya. :egypt:

http://i.livescience.com/images/i/00...JPG?1368205653

I am the same way. It use to be so much easier to meet someone and ask them if they want to go enjoy a drink. But then it turned into me not wanting to have drinks with people because I would just get black out drunk and then it would be awkward and embarrassing being around them again. Then I started to drink alone and that is complete misery. Spending the entire weekend, alone, drinking and feeling sorry for myself are over. If I spend a weekend alone and feeling sorry for myself without drinking, that is better. I hope soon I will just be alone and not feeling sorry for myself and actually getting things done. Then I hope I will be with other people and doing fun things without alcohol. It is a process and I am dedicated to it.

I use to think that just getting a new job and moving away would solve my problems. I really think that is my addictive voice talking. If I move away, that is just an out to prevent myself from getting myself in shape, becoming a better person, and working on my relationships.

I did my taxes today and did some running and walking. Although I didn't get to doing my laundry, cleaning the apartment, or going to the grocery store and planning my meals for the week, I stayed sober. Tomorrow is Sunday and I will have a full day to get things done and I will not be hungover!

((((aarryckha))))).

Thank you everyone for your support! :grouphug:

I know this feeling will pass soon and I really need to find ways to meet new people. I hate when these funks come along. I had them all the time when I was drinking. So, at least now, things don't look so bleak because at least I have a sober brain to help me work things through.

And of course, all the wonderful folks here at SR! :hug:

Chin up Aarryckha!! . . . we're all fighting for you in your corner!! :)

I think the hardest thing as an adult is making new friends without alcohol. Women that I meet through church, moms of my kids friends. All of them have that "ladies night out" thing going. My two longest term friends know that I am an alcoholic and we are such old friends that we can go out and be easy together over coffee because that is how we started together (teenagers drinking coffee together) but they had their kids before me and are involved in older kid activities whereas I still need sitters and early bedtimes so our schedules don't always mesh. I have managed to make two new friends in AA but we are still in that getting to know you phase so it isn't always as easy to chat. Making friends in adulthood isn't easy but can be done. It just takes time.

Hope you are doing well tonight.

Can relate to what you're going through!

I'm finally starting to make a couple of new friends after almost 2 years sober. It is not easy. I even attended a bible study my first year or so where all the women had wine (most nights) except for me! The good news is it gets easier all the time but I still have some days where I do not even come close to marking the things off my "to do" list. I have to say it's thing like joining groups, AA meetings, etc. where you have the best chance of meeting others who do not drink.

If you're open to a women's AA meeting, you will most likely make friends very quickly. And soon you will be having coffee and good conversation on a sunny day!

Arry hope you ended up having a nice day after the start.Keep Marching forward.

I try to treat it like I do staying sober. To stay sober I make sure I don't ever take the first drink.

To be active I make sure I take an active step early in the day. After that it is easier to keep doing stuff the rest of the day.

I wish I would have stayed in last Saturday night, but whats done is done, I feel way better this sat by chilling at home sober. Who knew being sober could be so addicting, lol

Hello Aarrychka,

Strength and light to you. You've come so far already, we're all proud of you!

Everything's gonna be all right. Rockabye.

Bruce.

Give yourself some time. You will not always feel like this. Things are different in early sobriety especially when you have to start doing things different.

Once you get more sober time, believe me, it does get easier. Things don't change overnight, hang in there ((((((hugs)))))).

Oh, Aarryckha, you poor lamb! I completely understand. I'm lonely too. There is something in particular about Saturdays, I find, that makes loneliness even more profound.
Take heart, so many of us do understand. I used to drink as you did, trying to blot out my aloneness, loneliness. But I always woke up facing the same situation, and loathing myself even more for succumbing to the false lure of the booze.
Stay strong, we are all in this together!

It OK, you have what, 6 or 8 weeks like I do? I still find myself going between having days with lots of energy and feeling pretty good, to days that almost feel like I'm getting the flu. Just roll with it, do all the right things and you will start feeling better soon. I can still feel my body adjusting. Try to get outside as much as possible, and move as much as feels good, then rest!

One goal I have in sobriety is trying to get my metaphorical house together as a person -- trying to develop interests, hobbies, activities that in theory will get me out of the house and interacting with others. I think that's one way the non-drunks make new friends.

So far I am still "woodshedding" -- working on getting my skills up to a non-embarrassing level before trying to play with others -- so I don't know if this is ultimately going to work out. But skill-building keeps me busy on its own, so on that alone it's been pretty good.

(I've been trying to get my running up to where I can join a running club and run some races this summer. Also working on getting it together on guitar so I can smoothly play through jazz charts in-time a little more tastefully than chunking away on the basic block chords.)

I know the feeling you are talking about. Some days I feel very alone. But I have a plan, and I'm working on the plan, and it feels like I'm making (albeit slow) progress to change the state of affairs, and I think that goes a long way towards staving off depression or a feeling of futility. If it turns out to have been all in vain down the road I will come back here and let you know :) boy that'd be an uplifting post, huh?

Hugs Aarryckha! I'm a little late to the party but sending lots of love and good vibes to you. You've come a long way and are going to make it through. I hope you have a great day. :-)

Aarryckha, I really identify with your OP. During my drinking in the last few years of it, that feeling was the norm, I am still amazed thinking back how I managed to get anything done (sometimes) and keep my head above water to a certain extent... I still have depressed days like that occasionally with most of the nice plans remaining fantasies, but now I try to be more proactive in turning them around. Many good suggestions on this thread.

I find that the trick is to start the action - then it becomes intrinsically rewarding and usually my mood is lifted at least somewhat. We need to break the cycle, like with addiction. I also try to be gentle with myself and not beat me up for not doing everything: sometimes it's a tricky balance between this and still trying to not allow myself to make too many excuses. I've had a very serious tendency to get stuck in my head, isolate myself, and just overthink everything. I've figured that changing this is taking a lot of effort and is a slow process, but I feel I'm getting somewhere with it.

I also find that scheduling small rewarding activities on a regular basis helps boost the mood, especially physically involved activities.

Hope you are feeling better today :)

Saturday, Saturday.......................... Saturday nights alright.

But wait its Sunday. Coming down off my weekend highs, knowing full well its back to the Grind Stone tomorrow.

Hmmm... I might just be crazy since I have conversations with my cat Henry. He is smart enough to respond. The other one is simple and the blank look I get back just isn't worth a comeback from me. Lol

I do want you to consider that your addictive voice is setting you up. I used to do the same thing. Make all these plans and then blame myself for not following through. Then before I knew it I beat myself down and concluded that drinking was inevitable when in fact it's not.

Go easy on yourself. Posting is how I fought back. You are doing a good job and reaching out is important.


Ken