Been Drinking
You can start tonight actually...plenty of time to dump/get rid of whatever you have around. Use the motivation you have now rather than waiting, it won't be any easier tomorrow. And we are all here now to help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 17
There is an aa meeting at 10 tomorrow. I went for a few months years ago. I don't wanna go - I felt alienated and bad. Everyone was sober & we read the Big Book out loud like it was the Bible; I have read that book so many times... Like seeing a movie 100 times. Bored to death. No one ever asked me how I was doing. We just read pages out loud over & over. Everyone was sober. I was dying. One guy became sober "overnight". He was the group sage/leader. One young mother had 30 days - everyone loved her -until she confessed to drinking a bottle of Vodka. The retreat was palpable. Saw some of these people a few months after I stopped going back- at a local festival. I was, as usual, alone, hugging a beer. They approached me & I felt condemned & literally bolted over a table gurgling "I can't do this now". Too embarrased by that to go back. Lost so many years. I don't want to show my face there even to this day. It was one of the most humiliating days of my life. There are other AA meetings but not close by. I harbor real resentment towards this group - I realize it was ME not them, but it's kinda like saying to a car wreck victim " you could have saved me but you SHAMED me instead." I know I should go but I'm still mad at this group.
I don't mean this in a mean spirited way but only an alcoholic could hold that much resentment over something that happened years ago
Think about putting your pride aside NewWonder - alcoholism plays for keeps
The meeting may have changed in the intervening years. Or you could find another one - they can't be that far away?
In the end it's up to you - but if you're not going to go back to AA you need an alternative plan to stay sober, NewWonder
D
Think about putting your pride aside NewWonder - alcoholism plays for keeps
The meeting may have changed in the intervening years. Or you could find another one - they can't be that far away?
In the end it's up to you - but if you're not going to go back to AA you need an alternative plan to stay sober, NewWonder
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 17
Meant to say "like a car wreck victim saying" .... Realized my mistake & dawned on me I have been playing the victim for years! My daughter - 22 year old child of 2 alcoholics - and as a result in & out of a myriad of "programs" has told me for years to stop playing the victim. Just realized I was turning the phrase around. I still don't want to go tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
NewWonder each person in AA is responsible for their recovery only.
I used to feel shame too walking into a meeting after a relapse.
It was my own blown up Ego that was playing those mind tricks on me.
Of course we are going to feel shame when we run into people in AA
especially if we are drinking..
Are they responsible for our feelings? Is anyone responsible for our feelings?
It is our own reaction to those feelings that make us feel bad and our
own high expectations of other people.
Our Pride and Ego will keep us out there forever if we let it.
We can't let it!
Ego and Pride can kill us!
Go to a beginners meeting.
I used to feel shame too walking into a meeting after a relapse.
It was my own blown up Ego that was playing those mind tricks on me.
Of course we are going to feel shame when we run into people in AA
especially if we are drinking..
Are they responsible for our feelings? Is anyone responsible for our feelings?
It is our own reaction to those feelings that make us feel bad and our
own high expectations of other people.
Our Pride and Ego will keep us out there forever if we let it.
We can't let it!
Ego and Pride can kill us!
Go to a beginners meeting.
Last edited by deeker; 04-11-2014 at 07:43 PM. Reason: added
NewWonder, I have fallen off that horse soooo many times....man oh man oh man oh man..haha I don't mean to be too light hearted but I'm happy to see you still have the mindset of wanting to stay sober and trying again! You are still acknowledging the problem! That's huge! Hold onto that and remember....what other people think doesn't matter and MOST people do NOT become sober magically overnight, so whoever approached you from AA has probably been in your shoes too...we all fall down, that's inevitable, but we have to get back up again, that's our choice
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lowcountry
Posts: 2,762
U may be surprised , if u go back .
Maybe look at their schedule and find a speaker meeting , or a discussion meeting , not a BB meeting. I went to a speaker meeting tonight and the highlight was seeing a dear friend before the meeting , and catching up with an old friend after.
Of the other 30 something people , .....didn't know a one.
Must be a high turnover rate around here , it's a retirement community , ....so there is the mortality factor
Maybe look at their schedule and find a speaker meeting , or a discussion meeting , not a BB meeting. I went to a speaker meeting tonight and the highlight was seeing a dear friend before the meeting , and catching up with an old friend after.
Of the other 30 something people , .....didn't know a one.
Must be a high turnover rate around here , it's a retirement community , ....so there is the mortality factor
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