JustOneMe

Hello everyone! This is my first time to this forum and this website. I really need to be apart of this though because I need help staying in recovery. I am a drug addict in recovery. I only have seven days clean but I have worked real hard just for these seven days and I mean very hard. My problem is that my spouse who isn't an addict is not support my recovery! He despises me going to NA meetings and he doesn't want me to go! I am wanting to do a 90 and 90 on the NA meetings and I am committed to it! I am also in a outpatient drug rehab program and I attend there three days a week for an hour and a half each session. My husband feels that is all I need! He doesn't want me to go to meetings and he is always trying to pick fights with me whenever I do anything that is positive geared towards my recovery! I am sick and tired of having to fight him too and fighting to stay in recovery! Has anyone gone through anything similar and if so, how did you handle it and get through it?

Raider

I have not gone through that. I just wanted you to know I'm praying for you.

SeaScape

Congratulations on making it 7,days.

Put yourself and your recovery first...especially if you are wise enough to know you need those meetings. My experience is that many others don't understand!

Straightshoot

I haven't been through that, but in my opinion, you are the one who has to live with you, ultimately it is your decision to make. Good luck to you in your quest for help from a former Rochesterian.

Carlotta

Just tell him that you are doing it for your health and well being and that this is not negotiable. When he starts picking a fight, do not engage. If you are serious and committed about recovery, now is the time to set boundaries and dig in your heels. No need for fights and arguments just say it plainly and comely and when he starts, leave the room. It takes two to have a fight, sooner or later he will get tired of getting agitated all by himself.

Ps: it's your recovery, not his. Addiction like alcoholism is a family affair: what is he doing for his recovery? As the spouse of an addict he has been impacted (right there we can see some control issues on his part which are generally the province of codependents). If he does not want to go to Naranon it's on him but you have a right to go to NA

Carlotta

oh and to SR I almost forgot whatever little manners I have

JustOneMe

Thank you all for responding so quickly to my post! I thank you all for the feedback and it is greatly appreciated! Talk to you later, on my way to group right now!

Eddiebuckle

JustOne,

Congratulations - it sounds like you are off to a great start! The problem with addiction is that "normal" people have no idea how difficult recovery can be and the amount of time and effort sustainable recovery requires, particularly in the beginning.

I can only speak for my personal experience, but after coming home from rehab I worked with a psychiatrist, had weekly group therapy, went to 90 in 90, and worked with a sponsor. Strangely enough, in rehab I didn't think I "needed" AA... but I very quickly realized that I had to work as hard as my addiction to stay sober. That meant every day, sometimes two meetings, or a meeting plus group, etc. I ultimately did 360 in 365, and now have over 1500 days sober. You know what though? 1500 days doesn't guarantee anything if I stop working a program.

I don't know how to get your spouse to understand, but if you are anything like me, outpatient 3x a week wouldn't do it. And failure for us is ultimately fatal. Whether he (or anybody else for that matter) understands that is immaterial - you are responsible for your recovery regardless.

You might want to talk to your counselor at IOP for help on this. Perhaps they can intercede on your behalf or give guidance.

Keep up the good work!

Amazingglazier

JustOne, Welcome and tell your spouse you do need it! My BetterHalf owned a bar when I met her and I spent much time and money there. We have been together for 34 years and after we gave the bar up she stopped drinking and I didn't , it caused all kinds of problems, breakups and all that good crap, but were still here! When I actually decided to stop and went to counseling 2-3 times a week she started actually getting a bit jealous of the meetings, but I kept going. When she found out I went for coffee with a younger woman who was a recovering addict who happened to also be a social worker , she had a fit! I introduced them and then all hell broke loose, they became "best friends" going out , shopping and I got lost on the internet in my office while she layed on my bed bullshitting watching TV. Every day it got annoying , then when she couldn't get anymore pills from my better half she disappeared, not answering either of our calls/texts, it hurt me a little but really hurt her! Now when I see my counselor I ask her to come with me if she wishes! Keep up the Fight. Hopefully your spouse ids not a control freak who feels they are losing their grip! Have a Great Day, Bobby

JustOneMe

@Eddiebuckle, thank you so much for sharing your experience with me. I really needed to hear that and it has really given me more hope! Again, I appreciate it so much, and your right outpatient 3 days a week is just not enough for me. I am committed by any means necessary because I went hard for my drugs and now I must go hard for my recovery too!
:-)

JustOneMe

@Amazingglazier, thanks for your feedback too! I see more.people.Have gone through something similar like me than I thought possible. It's so refreshing to know I'm not the only one who is or has experienced this. WOW 34 years you and your wife been together! I could only hope to be with my spouse that long! This gives me hope for me and my husband. I talked with him tonight and let him know how important my recovery is for me, but also how important HIS support is to me. He seemed a little.more understanding, so we will see just how much soon enough. Thank You!

least

Welcome to the family. You've come to a very friendly and supportive site. I'm glad you joined us! Congrats on your first week clean!

Yogagurl

Very well done with one week clean. Whatever it is that is working for you, keep doing it. Ask your partner if he would rather you use drugs or go to meetings. Keep it up!

FreeOwl

Wow... that sounds like a real challenge!

I say trust your inner voice (not your alcoholic one, your reaaaallll inner voice), your higher power and yourself to do the right thing for your recovery.

Welcome, congratulations on a week clean!!

we're here for ya!

tornrealization

My husband also doesn't want me in AA. He doesn't know about what it is.

I made this decision about it. He's going to get mad if I continue drinking in the mornings and ruining weekends and family gatherings.

So I told myself, he'll be mad at drinking or mad at AA, I picked AA.

I've only been to two meetings but he knows I'm going tomorrow and no grief. I just remind him what a weekend could be like, if I get crap.

He's growing with me, but it took my ER visit for him to accept how bad this really was. It also took me deciding I want this, with or without his support.

ontherightpath

My husband is the same way. Completely unsupportive when it's not on his terms. IMO he acts like a spoiled little brat (he is an only child!) I am working on my faith and as strong as it is sometimes, it's not there sometimes as well--- at least it doesn't feel like it. It makes me sad, but more importantly it really pisses me off-- however I still go when I need to and try try try to live happy and let him have his opinions. He has plenty of opinions about me drinking, most not so good, so if he doesn't like me going to aa, well too bad. I'm doing it today for me. Someday he will reap the reward, but it have learned that it's not up to me to change his point of view. It's up to him. The only thing I am responsible for is my own feelings/action. Me relying on his opinions will most definitely get me drunk.

JustOneMe

@ontherightpath, thank you so much for your insight on this matter. Good to know I'm not alone. I have heard so many great responses to my original post and it feels good to hear what you all have said to me. Earlier today, I felt like such a lone ranger but now I feel likeim in a community of friends who understand exactly what I'm going through! Thank you, I really do need all of you for sober support!

MariahGayle

JustOneMe - I really admire you for all that you are doing to get & stay clean. Great job on 7 days!! ((Hugs))

MythOfSisyphus

Welcome to SR, JustOneMe! It's great to have you with us. What is the issue your hubby has? Maybe he doesn't understand how hard it is to survive addiction. Or maybe he's the jealous/controlling type that has to run your life? I'm not sure from the limited amount you've told us, but in any event it's like the previous posters have said- your recovery is yours, and yours alone! If it benefits him and your marriage that's icing on the cake.

But now is the time to be selfish. It's not overstating things to say that your survival may depend on your ability to stay clean. Don't risk that for anyone or anything.

deeker

is hubby an addict?