apo

As a newcomer there many things on my mind, many questions mostly.
i m really sad about all the friends i lost all these years.
probably even if i manage and walk away from this nightmare not many of them will be willing to let me back in their lives.
but mostly my past relationships (girlfriends)
the people who lived with me the longest.
three years ago i was ready to get married. i had scheduled everything, church, wedding party, etc etc. 2 months before that i had one of my many drunken nights and she had to back down. even though she never admitted that my drinking problem was the cause i am pretty sure it was.
i hadn t spoken to her for years and then one night coming back from my work (after stopping at the local bar for some drinks) i called.
when she understood who i was she panicked, i could almost feel her fear over the phone.
thats when for the first time in so many years i realised what pain and discomfort and misery i brought upon my beloved ones.
i wish i could make everything go away and tell them how sorry i m for what i have caused them, but the majority won t even let me do that

so it is very important what i found here, even though i am less than a week
People who are willing to hear me, let me say what an idiot i was and most important believe me when i m saying that i m trying

it is really great and i thank you all sincerely

resolute50

Welcome to SR.
I've hurt some people in my past as well.
Some are gone for good,but some see real change and are still around.
Trial by fire I guess.
We can't really go back in time and fix things.
But, we can start to change things now so the future is a lot better.

Congrats on almost a week.
It's not an easy thing to give up alcohol. It is very addictive.
Seems to take away worries and sorrows,but only temporarily.
Then it causes more of those issues so the cycle begins.

Use this site to help you.
It has worked for me and I'm very thankful.

huntingtontx

Hi apo. I am glad you found us. Don't think to much about what you have done, just work on getting sober. After you have some sober time, you will have time to sort all the rest out. Make a plan, and hang on. It will get easier as time goes by. We are all on your side. Good work on realizing you need to get sober. A lot of people never figure it out.

Hevyn

Hi apo. I'm glad you wanted to talk about how you're feeling. That's what I love about SR - we all understand each other and most of us have been through similar things.

I hurt and confused even my oldest friends & family. No one knew what to make of me when I was on a roll. I literally didn't even resemble myself when drunk & did out-of-character things. It's so hard to explain to our normies what we go through. Many make the mistake of thinking it's a character flaw. At least we can discuss our concerns here - it really helps take away some of the anxiety. I hope you'll come to feel better about things apo. You're no idiot - and it's obvious you're trying. Stay with us.

LBrain

Apo, trust me when I say you are not alone in these feelings. I cannot dwell on the past things I've done. I can only move forward. When I am grounded enough and have learned hope to cope with reality - however long it takes - then I will address the past. For now I just use it as a reminder of why I am here in the first place. I cannot let the past control me. I can only use it to motivate me.