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I decided I should at least take the step of introducing myself before my husband comes home and I get off my computer and then put off looking at myself and the choices I have made over the past two years. Again.

About 2 years ago to the day, I decided to buy a bottle of wine and treat myself to a glass of wine after a long day....and I never stopped. At first it WAS just a glass or two, that's all I could handle. Two years later I am drinking a bottle of wine a night, pretty much every night. I occasionally buy two, like on a Friday, after a long week. I deserve it right? Or I get into the vodka and have a martini or two when the wine runs out.

I think I am a lot confused and a lot lost. Up until less than two years ago I may have overdone it on occasion, like at a staff Xmas party or at a summer BBQ or a night out with friends, but would go months and months without the thought or a drop of alcohol. So now I am wondering what the heck happened? How did this happen? I am 44 years old!

No one from the outside has said anything about my drinking, not even my husband. I don't think that will last forever.

My drinking IS affecting my life though and there is stuff going on that I am finding extremely scary. I have been awake since 3am because I woke up again with the middle of the night anxiety attack thingie. I wake up most mornings checking my phone, text messages, my activity log on Facebook, my sent email messages to see what dumb crap I did. I spent the hours between 3am and 6am talking to myself about this wine habit and how it is affecting my life etc etc, how I need to stop. Yet here I am, typing in this forum, sipping on a glass of wine.

I don't even know if I could stop. I am not sure I have even tried. Or maybe I have and I just cant?

I could write pages and pages about my thoughts and feeling on this predicament I seem to be in....but when it comes down to it.....bottom line...I think I have an addiction.

Welcome, pams, to SR. Glad you found us. You will find much support and understanding here.

Again, welcome.

By the way, wine was my poison, too. One glass led to two and so on; very familiar pattern.

Hard story. I'm sorry. Now what are we going to do about it? What are you looking for? Glad you are here.

Hi pams and welcome. Yup, add me to the list, 48 years old and wine and sometimes vodka were my poisons. It seemed to ramp up very quickly at the end for me too, and I knew that unless I made the hard call I was going to be headed in a very dangerous direction.

SR has been one of the most important parts of my recovery, there is tons of support here!

Hi pams, I can relate to lots in your post, including coming to regular drinking relatively late in life, and drinking a bottle of wine a night.
It took me many tries over the years where I would stop drinking for a while, then gradually ramp up again, before I faced the fact that I can never drink again because I won't stop at one glass. When I was drinking my day was based around looking forward to the first glass, and going straight to the bottle shop on the way home.
Once I stopped drinking permanently it was much easier and more relaxing, and I never want to go back.

You've come here and admitted that you're likely an addict - coming to terms with the fact that your drinking is negatively affecting is the first (and for many the hardest) step.

You'll find everyone here very good-natured and welcoming, hope we can help.

If you think you have a problem, you probably do. I spent over 10 years thinking to myself all the things that you are thinking before I even attempted to do anything about it (only 10 days ago). No one ever intervened and told me I needed to to do something. I never lost a job, wrecked my car, got arrested, etc., but I know that I have a problem and that if I don't address it now...well, nothing good will happen.

I think you will find this place is a real help in terms of answering questions and getting support to get and stay sober.

Oh look, there is a quick reply box! This is great. Thank all of YOU for replying so quickly. Now I am in tears because suddenly there are these people that say nice things and do seem to care and want to know what the heck is going on with me. I feel shame and guilt and cant think of one person in my real life I could go to to talk about this. There probably are people I could go to, but what I mean is, I don't think there is anyone that I trust enough to actually say what I just typed, out loud.

There are so many reasons why I think I have a real issue to deal with. And I probably do need to talk those out at some point. One step at a time right?

Hi Pams :)

I think a lot of us look back and think 'how the heck did this happen'....I know I did.

The important thing is you'll find a lot of support and understanding here - welcome :)

D

Hi Pams.....Welcome. Count me in with the folks who wondered, "How did I get here so fast?" Though I drank pretty much every day, my drinking and tolerance for alcohol increased dramatically in just a couple of years. Neither my friends nor husband ever said anything to me about my drinking, probably because I drank moderately around them and stepped it up when I was alone. You will find a wealth of wisdom and support here on SR.

Keep visiting this page.. It all starts with a single thought and builds from there. You have a lot of support here on SR.

sounds familiar. I can have just one...

Would just like to say...there were two on line forums I lurked around. Posted in both at the same time....no replies at the other one. I think I know which one is going to work for me. Thank you! All of you! So OK.....here we go....

Pams - I'm so glad you found us and decided to tell your story. It meant the world to me to have someone to talk it over with. I was like you - no one I could really confide in who would understand and not judge.

I found myself drinking 'round the clock in the end. It had started out as something fun and relaxing many years ago. Over time I became dependent on it - never realized it was becoming a necessity. I was so thankful I found the courage to get free of it. You can do this. :)

:) Smiles to everyone. I will be back tomorrow and thank everyone for their kind words. :)

Oh my gosh. I too have checked my phone , Facebook, etc.. To see what damage I have done. It use to be that I would have to go out to totally embarrass myself. But thanks to social media I was quickly able to do it all by myself anytime I wanted. Lol. Glad your here Pam. As many have said, you will find tons of support here. Like you, this is the only place I have talked openly about my problem.