ave88

I find it ridiculous that it has come to this. I'm not the type of person to express my feelings, but rather repress them. Why? Well, we all have reasons why. For me, I think I have a problem with self acceptance. This is why I think maybe I feel the need to be under the influence all the time. I've drank and smoked pot for years, but it's come to the point where I haven't been completely sober at one time for years. The suppression from their effects make me feel good, make be forget about my anxieties and inner demons. Then I feel terrible after and yet continue. I realize however, it has to stop, but I simply can't turn down a drink when in a social environment. I feel as if I do, I cannot enjoy my time with friends and loved ones. What is wrong with me that I can't do this? For one I know someone will give me grief, as they enjoy binge drinking and drinking games, but that's all we do. I'm not in college anymore...how do I transition out if this phase? Is that even an excuse? I'm lost. Can't admit this to my friends, family or lover. If I do, they'll simply say I'm overreacting, but I feel guilty every time I get wasted. How can I just stop feeling this need? I excersice, go to work, pay my bills...what gives that I just can't not control this need?

Dee74

I had to change my entire life Ave. I was 40 years old and still behaving like a teenager. Worse than that my drinking was killing me.

If you want to quit - quit. Anyone in your life who doesn't support you is either deep in their own problem, or doesn't have your best interest at heart.

I've never regretted changing my life at 40.

D

Ghostlight1

Hello, and welcome.
If you're feeling guilty every time you get wasted it may be time to stop.
I stopped feeling the need to drink or get wasted after alcohol controled my life. I was no longer in the driver's seat, I was a passenger on the road to ruin.
The only thing that saved me was to stop. It took awhile. It was hard. Some people didn't understand. But I was doing it for myself to be a better person.

You've found a great place for support. And, you can quit. Many of us here have. You never have to feel guilty again if you don't pick up that first drink.

I hope you keep reading and posting. And best to you.

Beautifulwoman

Ave88,
I have to admit that you do have to START ALL OVER!! I tried for years to stop doing drugs but I always fall head first back into my addiction. Now, that I am getting older, I realize why this happened to me for. Reason being because I didn't change anything besides not taking drugs. I still hung out with druggies and drug dealers so how did I expect to change if I was still around them. It was very difficult for me to stop hanging out with them because some of them were my best friends for 8 years but I knew I wouldn't stop if I didn't. I always fall back in because they had it and was doing it and I would try really hard but it wouldn't work. So I STARTED MY LIFE OVER AGAIN AT 30 YRS OLD!! That is crazy but I had to do that because I wanted to actually have things in my life instead of being poor all the time. So please try to stay strong it will get better.
Good Luck

FeelingGreat

Hi ave, you don't see a lot of 40 year olds bingeing and having drinking games. Why? Because they grow up at some point and leave their buddies who can't mature behind to become the lonely dedicated drinkers.
You may have to be the first in your group to grow up, or you'll have to move on to a new group. The most important thing is your own sobriety; put that first and you'll never be sorry.

Beautifulwoman

Ghostlight1,
I really like your post. I feel the same way about doing drugs. I did them every day for 10 years and didn't stop. Then I started doing something I said I never would and that was IV. I wish I wouldn't have but it made me stronger now. I did finally quit until I looked in the mirror one day and said to myself "WHAT DID I DO TO MYSELF" and "WHO AM I ANYMORE"!! I had to finally face my fears which were my true every day feelings and how to deal with them because I don't need drugs any more. Plus, I was afraid my dad was looking down from heaven and seeing what his little girl was doing to herself and disapproving of me and I couldn't take it any more.

If you have to hide it or keep it from someone, and if you can't tell your younger sister or brother, or your children about it, then it's probably not that good for you and you should quit!!! GOOD LUCK

Mountainmanbob

in the long run of life
I truly do not think that drinking helps with this
at times ones fool themselves into thinking that booze
is a social lubricant
but -- once the alcoholic is sober for a good length of time
most are more socially well adjusted than when they drank

MM

ave88

Your quick responses have been amazing. Thank you to everyone who posted.

Beautifulwoman

Your welcome!!!
I completely agree with Mountainmanbob. I feel like people are more social when not drinking. Everyone has been to a party and drinking because everyone else is but do people really enjoy your company with beer. My boyfriend is a great example because he would drink liquor and get really mean and think he was God and would fight everyone around. He did care about how others felt he just wanted to make himself happy. I could tell you a bunch of stories where he was drunk and I was crying because he would say horrible things to me and hurt my feelings. He doesn't drink at all now, I mean not even a drink with dinner. From time to time, he will ask if I want a margarita when we are eating out but he never gets anything. I am glad he lets me have one because I was the one snorting pills all night long just to deal with the pain from his words. I hope this might help some how.

resolute50

Welcome to SR.

I know that when I first decided to make a change.
Sometimes when changing ones life changing the people that we associate with on a daily basis has to change as well.
I never really considered those that I got wasted with at the bar "true friends".