Anna

Guilt and shame are part of the package of alcoholism. It's how the disease continues to push you down, even as you strive to stop drinking.

No one here judges you, I'm sure of that. Most of us have been where you are now. I hope you continue to read and post and stay around.

hawkhog

For me drinking was always an escape when things got hard. Argument with wife... Bad day at work... Etc. emotions feeling ashamed etc. it really felt like what u feel now. I had to really hit rock bottom to save myself. When i was in a homeless shelter for 3 months just got out this past febuary. I had to realize the only one who shouldnt give up on me is me.. Hold your head up and keep fighting. God bless

Mountainmanbob

yes -- myself and many did have to get to that point in time

hopefully if you do it will not cause you or others harm

so many of us end up very hurt and or hurting others

MM

nogard

Why give up? What you got to lose by hanging around and trying again. Dont Quit Quitting

Author Unknown but much loved:

Don’t Quit

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but don’t you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow–
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victor’s cup,
And he learned too late when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out–
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit–
It’s when things seem worst that you mustn’t quit.

- Author unknown

livin14

Hey... It takes practice to quit. Try to be kind to yourself! We'll welcome you back here every time you decide to return!

Beautifulwoman

Hey there,
Don't give up on yourself because you are worth it. Don't let what others say affect yourself because you are worth it. If I would listen to what others would say about me then I would be buried six feet under by now. People use to tell me that I should die and give up because I wasn't worth saving and I was worthless but that is fair from the truth and I know you are worth saving. Each day that goes by will be a struggle and it will continue on for the rest of our lives but the good thing about that is as the time goes by it will be easier and easier to just say "NO" and not do it. But when you first start out there will be failures. The best part about failures is that you get right back up with more knowledge and strength. I got back up in March and I feel stronger than ever to keep going on sober. I know sometimes it is hard but we all will be here to help you out and if you don't post just come and read others because it will help. Good luck.

venuscat

I can't add anything to the wonderful words already spoken (written) on this thread.

You are loved here Mrrryah. And no one judges you; we are all in the same boat.
Please don't give up! (((hugs)))

Venus xx

least

It took me many tries to "get it right" but I kept trying and eventually was successful. Don't give up on your sobriety or yourself.

PurpleKnight

Nonsense to that!! . . . no one at SR is judging you!! . . . keep coming back as long as you need to!!

PinotNOmore

I promise you, you are not alone in your struggles! I'm just as embarrassed every time I swear that that is the last time I will ever drink, and a few days (or sometimes hours) later, I'm drinking again. I totally get where you are coming from though. Trying and trying and trying gets emotionally and physically exhausting. I've also thought about quiting trying to quit recently. Im my mind I tell myself that if I stop worrying about it so gosh darn much, it will somehow work itself out. Like I'll magically go back ten years when I thought I drank like a normal college student. (I did not. It was a problem even then, I just didn't realize how big.) I hope you come back soon. Sober or not. I've realized that by quitting trying, I'm really just giving up on myself and my chance to be truly happy. It's hard to see that sometimes.

RevivingOphelia

I tried more than a few times before it stuck. Keep trying.

alphaomega

No , no please No !!

Please don't give up quitting. It's through the failures that we find our successes. I wished like crazy that I could be a one and done kinda recovery girl, but it took me the better part of two years to finally get here. Six months and my life has never been better.

But it took so many failures for me. So many. Too many to count. With every hangover, that was going to be my last. I figure I quit 4998 times before it finally stuck.

But stay here. Whatever you do. And learn and read and listen and participate. Even if you are drinking. Don't go.

This Place will eventually help you fly straight.

I promise.

deeker

Mrrryah1 , I hope you will come back, when you are ready and I hope that it is very soon.

matt4x4

Sorry to see you giving up, can you ask yourself a question or 2?

Did you actively work, to better yourself each day?
Did you really try your best at recovery whichever program you tried?

I peg of you to please try your hardest next time you walk through the doors. Throw away all your previous concieved ideas and grab some new ones that will help you. Throw away your will power and let something greater then yourself help you. Everyone must hit a bottom, how low do you want to go? Relapse doesnt have to be apart of your story, you can recover and you are right its how bad do you want it.

napnap

Myrrryah-you can do this, don't give up. as Emerson said:“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”
this is my mantra- I know it will lead me to sobriety.

Dee74

welcome to SR napnap

D

Ratdog

It took me 5 years to get my 1st year sober. I now have over 29 years. The point is to NEVER give up. You can only truly fail if you quit trying.

That feeling of being judged? It's mostly not real. Feelings aren't facts. There may be a few who are guilty of judging you, but in my experience what I mistook for judgement was actually an abundance of caring and love. I was just too paranoid to realize it.

Keep coming back!

adee

One more voice saying: Stay. Stay and walk through the feelings and try again. It is the way to the other side of the guilt and shame, and none of us made it through on the first try, and most of us took more times than we could count. The thing I love about SR is that it is the most non-judgmental place I've been. People are welcomed back again and again and again and again. As many times as it takes. This is a really good place.

Stay.

sillysuzanfree

I can add to the list of those who tried to get sober over and over and over again. It took me the better part of 4 years and now I have almost 2 years. The sad part was I couldn't even be honest about it! I went to AA meetings and refused to even identify as a newcomer!

Give yourself some credit. And as others have said, please continue to come on SR and read but of course you don't have to post.

badatbooze

I can say for myself that I did have to be disparate enough. And your right something does have to change inside of you. I told myself I was quitting at least once a week for the past ten years or so. Talk about fail. If knew then what I know now I would be ten years sober. Actually I would have never started at all.