Knat84

So, I reconnected with my childhood friend. Funny thing is, growing up, she was the 'good one' and I was the 'wild one'.
As the years have progressed, I have seen her (through various social networking sites) become more wild, adventurous, and definitely a scenester. (A Scenester is someone who always has to be 'in the scene' with certain people, listening to certain music, drinking certain drinks, going to certain places, looking a certain way.) I was apart of that crowd when I was 18, however, have definitely progressed into a place of stability, marriage, motherhood, and now have a preference of staying grounded.
I contacted her because her grandmother is dying, (I found this out through my mother), and I wanted to see how she and her family were doing. She really did not sound upset about this at all. &Really, she did not seem as if she cared to hear about my life. She was saying things to me like "You're not going to believe how different I look! I have so many tattoos now." ...O.O... I'm thinking to myself: "Uhhh...." I have not spoken to her in over 3 years and she rushed me off the phone because she had to go out and do her Friday night thing.
She also treated me like I was some outcast. I said to her, "well, I wish we could talk a little bit longer and catch up. I mean, a lot has happened." She said "Aw girl, we'll get together and catch up." (very hard to believe, as she's flaked out on me before.) I then said "Well, there are a lot of adult things I'd like to discuss and I always have my two year old girl with me." She said "That's fine! I have friends who have kids. Just because I live my life doesn't mean I can't hang with you." ...O.O... Not sure what to make of this. I don't think she heard what I was saying at all. Her tone made it sound as if she took pity on me.

I am really hurt by this. She was my best friend growing up and she is being so fake to me. I know that she is a heavy drinker. What weirded me out, also, is that for a split second when she was telling me about her upcoming evening events, I got a little sad; as I used to do those things. Go to the dark dives, drink, laugh manically at the stupidest things. (I quickly realized that she would probably feel like sh** in the morning and got over it. )

I just want to know why I'm so upset about this. I think I'm jealous. But, why? She lives in the city, now. I live in the suburbs. She travels all over Europe four times a year, I'm lucky if I get one vacation every two years.
I am VERY happy with my life. Really. I have a great husband, a lovely two year old daughter, and sober life is the greatest life I could ever lead. But, I find myself getting super jealous over her and at the same time, super pissed off. I think she's so selfish. I just want to tell her, "You are an addict in denial like I was! Don't act like you're better than me darling! Get over your self and your bar / drug using hipster scene and come back to being my best friend!!"

*sigh* long rant... sorry.

Any thoughts of what I can do? What I can say to her? Should I say anything??

Thanks, guys.

suki44883

People change over the years. It doesn't sound like she's someone healthy for you to be around. I'd just leave it alone. You are both different people now than you were when you were childhood best friends.

malcolmsloan

It's tough when it's our friend, for sure. But we are all on our own paths, and sometimes those paths diverge. And sometimes they converge again. I recently bumped into an old friend who used to declare he'd never stop drinking, that he 'wanted' to drink for his whole life, 'die with your boots on' kind of thinking that sounds so cool when we are young. He's sober now. Had to find his own way.

ReadyAtLast

Just let it go. I've learned over the years that we grow up and grow apart from people. It's normal and natural. We are not the kids we were at 16. Remember the good times fondly and move on.

cleaninLI

I understand how you feel. The same thing happened to me. I was the first of my childhood friends to get married and settle down. They were still in the scene, partying, traveling basically enjoying their single lifestyle. I had a husband and daughter so it wasn't so easy to just go out and forget about my responsibilities. I felt a tinge of jeoulousy too....when I felt that way I would look at my darling daughter or take her out to the park or museum or somewhere fun. I realized that no those party friends do not have such a wonderful life. I am the one who has this awesome little girl running to me after a hard days work yelling "Mama, Mama I love you!" Hugging me and planting sweet kisses on my cheeks! That cannot compare to the same ole bar scenes or drunkin parties with the same ole stupid people....the awful hangovers that were sure to follow the next day.

The ironic thing is that after a few more years they all met men, got married had kids too. Apparently, they got tired of that lifestyle too. In fact, we all got together later on when we had allot more in common. At this time, some of us moved out of state but we do keep in touch.

Life doesnt stay the same.....friendships come and go....the friendships you had during childhood will be replaced by other friends who are at the same point in life that you are. But that's the beauty of life....it's forever changing...evolving.