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Old 04-04-2014, 12:37 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Day 40


Day 40.. It feels so good to type that. I was so scared in the beginning. I was afraid of everything. I questioned how I would function without the one thing that helped me get through every painful day... vodka. It worked so well.. it numbed everything. I never had to lay up at night and think about things that ate away at me. I would just drink until I passed out.

Things are much different now. I had Every reason to be scared in beginning. I was right to think that this was going to be hard. It has been very hard. Now, I can feel the pain that I was numbing away. I realize things that Really do happen that I was maybe trying to ignore before. I have, in the past, tried to convince myself that I was just reading into things that didn't exist but, clearly I see now, they do. It does hurt to be able to feel, to feel everything.. but it has also been very rewarding. I can't Just feel pain... I can feel love, I can feel trust, I can feel everything now that there isn't anything in the way to numb it. I am much healthier now as well. That is nice

This place... I know so many people say how wonderful it is and how they wouldn't be sober/clean if it wasn't for this place. It is true. This place is amazing... but what makes it so amazing is all the amazing people who come here and share, open up to complete strangers, grab a hold of you and hold your hand through the journey. I have never had Anyone... not anyone be there the way a few of you have been here for me. I see you everyday, you may not say a whole lot to me...but- You always ask how I am, and I know that is the case with everyone.. but.. I have never had people care about me the way you do here. Even just to ask me how I am doing or feeling... It does a long way with me. It keeps my head above the water. Thank you. I love you guys. You guys are pretty thanksthanks
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Old 04-04-2014, 12:41 PM   #2 (permalink)
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What a lovely post loveyourself. I'm so glad it's made a difference for you to be here. I feel the same way - not sure where I'd be if I didn't have this place to come to each day.

Wonderful job on reaching 40 days.
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Old 04-04-2014, 12:42 PM   #3 (permalink)
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congrats on 40 days, that's great!
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Old 04-04-2014, 01:23 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Well done!!

I can relate to the pain you mention. I now try to embrace it and see it from an outside perspective. Like watching it on TV. Exteriosizing myself from it somehow, not dwelling into it type og thing. Hard explain, I not making to much sense I think
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Old 04-04-2014, 01:27 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Great post!! I love how you mention being able to feel pain now, but also feeling love and other feelings as well. Congrats on 40 days!
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Old 04-04-2014, 01:30 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Loveyourself14, 40 days is FANTASTIC, so proud of you.

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Old 04-04-2014, 01:31 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by loveyourself14 View Post
Day 40.. It feels so good to type that. I was so scared in the beginning. I was afraid of everything. I questioned how I would function without the one thing that helped me get through every painful day... vodka. It worked so well.. it numbed everything. I never had to lay up at night and think about things that ate away at me. I would just drink until I passed out.

Things are much different now. I had Every reason to be scared in beginning. I was right to think that this was going to be hard. It has been very hard. Now, I can feel the pain that I was numbing away. I realize things that Really do happen that I was maybe trying to ignore before. I have, in the past, tried to convince myself that I was just reading into things that didn't exist but, clearly I see now, they do. It does hurt to be able to feel, to feel everything.. but it has also been very rewarding. I can't Just feel pain... I can feel love, I can feel trust, I can feel everything now that there isn't anything in the way to numb it. I am much healthier now as well. That is nice

This place... I know so many people say how wonderful it is and how they wouldn't be sober/clean if it wasn't for this place. It is true. This place is amazing... but what makes it so amazing is all the amazing people who come here and share, open up to complete strangers, grab a hold of you and hold your hand through the journey. I have never had Anyone... not anyone be there the way a few of you have been here for me. I see you everyday, you may not say a whole lot to me...but- You always ask how I am, and I know that is the case with everyone.. but.. I have never had people care about me the way you do here. Even just to ask me how I am doing or feeling... It does a long way with me. It keeps my head above the water. Thank you. I love you guys. You guys are pretty thanksthanks

It truly is the case, feeling everything and seeing everything more clearly, it's amazing to think how much our brains were numbed so to speak. Some of the early feelings are not the best in all honesty but we have to walk the path we chose.

All the best.
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Old 04-04-2014, 01:44 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Congrats! What a lovely post and congrats on 40 days!!
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Old 04-04-2014, 01:57 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Congrats on reaching forty days sober!
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Old 04-04-2014, 02:07 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Fantastic!! Where's the 'You Rock' smiley gone? Anyway, you rock xxxx
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Old 04-04-2014, 02:10 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Congratulations on 40 days yay xx
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Old 04-04-2014, 02:13 PM   #12 (permalink)
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well done on 40 days
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Old 04-04-2014, 03:12 PM   #13 (permalink)
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This is my first day and I can relate to being afraid. I am really afraid, but also more afraid of what would happen if I never stopped drinking.

Your post is really inspirational, thank you.
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Old 04-04-2014, 03:23 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Welcome quails - it's great to have you here.
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A little voice deep inside me said, "Hello, I am here." It was a small voice, & sounded as if it were buried underneath the cushions of my couch. It was my soul...I had forgotten it.

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Old 04-04-2014, 04:25 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Hey you. You posted about people affecting you here, doing for you what others never did, and that's allowed you to be sober. Now you're doing it for others, both in chat and here with this post. In a short amount of time you went from being an alcoholic who couldn't stop drinking to an alcoholic with some sobriety and a wonderful message. Good job
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Old 04-04-2014, 04:34 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Thanks for the post - and congrats on 40 days loveyourself

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Old 04-04-2014, 07:20 PM   #17 (permalink)
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congrats on 40 days, very nice post
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Old 04-04-2014, 07:56 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Well done loveyourself. 40 days is a nice accomplishment. Stay strong and keep at it, and thank you for your inspiration.
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Old 04-05-2014, 12:59 AM   #19 (permalink)
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LOVE

you are doing so well. day 40 is great and congrats to you.
before you know it, you will be at day 100 and 1 year ect ect.
i think around that time i was relearning who i was and how i can confront my problems without hidding with vodka. but still a struggle at times, i think it will be for a while.
but you are a wonderful person to talk to and i look forward to it every day .
thanks for hanging around
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Old 04-05-2014, 10:21 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Thank you everyone for your kind words. I haven't posted in some time. I am really happy I did
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