Going to give sobriety another try.
 

Hi, I just stumbled across this community and looks like there's some good advice here so thought I'd join up. My names Ben, and I'm 23.

I'm only 3 days sober, I was outta money and puking my guts out again having panic attacks and cold sweats and all I could think about is "why am I doing this to myself?"
I know I have a problem, and people say that's a good step in the right direction, but I'm not feeling too confident about myself because I went through a short stint of sobriety before (3-4 months or so). I started working out and feeling alright about myself, but it's like I'm not able to keep grasp of that motivation, I'll have some personal problems then I'll start justifying to myself "Oh, look at how far you went sober, you can just treat yourself to a few drinks and a pack of cigs, you'll continue your sobriety tomorrow." but a couple drinks turns into a 1.75 of whisky, I do some dumb crap or just pass out and wake up feeling like crap fiending for another drink and put an "extension" on my vacation from sobriety.
Then after my binge I'll be afraid to quit because I've had some pretty bad withdrawals in the past, urinating dark brown, shaking, hallucinations of shadows following me and that doom was inevitable.

I've got into fights ending up detox, crashed into a semi head on at 35mph on a bridge and got my license revoked, arguments with loved ones, punching a best friend in the face, breaking into someone's apartment claiming I'm a private investigator..etc. the list could go on of all the dumb crab that keeps happening to me when I'm drunk, but out of the bad times there's some good times too I guess I'd like to think.. I have a lot of depression and social anxiety and it makes me be able to relax and enjoy myself for at least a little bit.

I just got a paycheck today and I was actually considering going and getting some booze, I was telling myself that I'll just get beer so it's almost impossible for me to get wasted. I'm just not sure what to do anymore, I feel like a zombie when I'm sober, I don't want anyone to be around me, I'm like a lifesucker, but then again I don't want them to be around me drunk either.

Now I'm just rambling on, I apologize. I just wanted to share some of my experiences I've had with alcohol.

Welcome to SR, Ben. I am glad you found this place. I discovered SR 7 months ago. I haven't had a drink since then. There are many different tools that you can use to get and stay sober. For me, SR has been a key part of my recovery. You will find a lot of support and helpful advice from the good people here.

I hope you will post often and let us know how you are doing. :ring

Welcome, Benji, to SR. Glad you found us.

Thanks for the welcome.
I just can't get the obsessive thoughts out of my mind about how I wanna walk down the street to the liquor store right now and grab a bottle, I have stomach and intestinal pains and I know if I just drink a little they will go away. I know how weak and selfish that sounds though at the same time.
I've been up all night so maybe I should just try to go to sleep and when I wake up the liquor stores will be closed.

Welcome Ben xxxx

Benji, I can't believe that your stomach and intestinal pains will go away with alcohol - sounds a little counter-intuitive. Have you had anything to eat - maybe something gentle on your gastro-intestinal system - even toast? Also, be sure you stay well hydrated; drink adequate amounts of water - those 64 oz. a day the medical professionals say we need.

A nap sounds like a good plan. Try not to give up 3 days of sobriety; those three days were hard earned.

Keep posting. We are behind you.

Welcome & keep coming back here Benji

:welcome


I hope the support here can help you get sober for good. :)

Good to meet you Benji. Congratulations on your 3 days.

At only 23, quitting is a difficult decision to make - but you'll be saving yourself so much grief down the road. I knew many years ago I didn't drink normally, but I kept trying to control my drinking. I'd love to get back those wasted years spent in a fog. You don't need it - you are doing a great thing for yourself. Glad to have you here.

Thank you for the kind words.
Yeah, it's a very difficult decision, I have been drinking pretty regularly since I was 17, it wasn't hard to access, I'd start drinking hard liquor as soon as I woke up until I went to bed. I know my type of drinking isn't normal compared to a lot of people either because I prefer to do it alone. Which I guess depending on how you look at it might be a positive thing right now because living in a small midwestern town there's not much else people my age do on the weekend but party or hit up bars and I've been a isolative drunk instead of social drunk for a long time anyway so it's not like I'll be burning any bridges by quitting. I already burned those bridges a long time ago while I WAS drinking, so now I can just focus on recovering and building new bridges.

Dear Benji90,

Glad you came across this site, it helps tones...
You will learn from instance that you think you are relaxing,
but in reality that is the short lane and after it creates more anxiety
you will be even worse,
so you will have to do more, and the circle never ends...
you are learning in a hard way that is not what you want in life, reading your stories!

First Step taken... you know the problem!
Now do something about it before is too late!!!
Stopping drinking is hard but you have to start thinking
how you are going to change your life to stay sober!!!

My advice get out before is too late you are still young, got many good experiences ahead of you do not waste it passing life drunk, join AA, or come here and learn all you can, change your life patters, places, etc...

We tend to obsess with drinks/drugs and do not focus on the other things around us.
Got to focus on positive and proactive stuff...

Hope you keep going!!!
Best wishes in your recovery :c011:

Welcome to SR!! You are young, and appear to have progrseed to a hight level of tolerance. Alcoholism is progressive, so stopping completely is the only way to stop the progression.

Man I feel for you, I'm 39 could have saved me a lot of problems in my life if I was smart like you at 23 ;-)

Get support like here and add more like AA, smart recovery, AVRT.
Lot's of choices out there to fit your needs.

Hi and welcome Ben :)

I think support can really help keep you on track...and it's hard to argue you're not that bad when the evidence is here written down.

I think making changes to your life is important too. If your life is anything like mine it was pretty booze sodden.

If you want to stay sober long term you'll likely have some tough decisions coming on what you do in your free time, who you hang with and where.

but...you're not alone in this here. This is a great bunch of people.

D

Thanks a lot people! I guess I joined here because I was feeling a bit unmotivated today and contemplating drinking again this weekend but I'm glad I joined and made this thread, I feel more motivated already but I know I got to not let that motivation turn into unjustified pride and let my ego get the best of me, I know if I have a drink, that drink won't be the only one so I just can't do it.

Welcome Benji, this site is so warm and welcoming and many people understand what you are going thru. Support and just living day by day are really important things for you now. You have a whole life ahead of you with endless wonderful opportunities out there for you. Why not start that path today? Keep us posted on how you are doing x

We are very glad that you joined, also, Benji!