Who am I ? Not sure who I am anymore. Inside I'm critical of my husband but realise, he hasn't changed, he has always been the same in all the years we've been married. When I first stopped drinking I wanted everything right, I had got that crutch thrown in the skip, I wanted everything else sorted. But it isn't. It's just the beginning, in a good way. I can deal with being sober now, but reading what brain and jus wrote yesterday 'figure out how to deal with life sober' and 'shaping my life around alcohol'. I lived the latter, thankfully not anymore and now I'm learning, very slowly to deal with life sober. I know that I don't know who I am anymore. Then I read about Rhonda, rip, who I never had the pleasure of meeting. The strength she had staying sober I know I would not have that strength at this time with any devastating news and realise my problems are but a small pebble to Rhonda's. If I hadn't been coming to sr I would have been a wreck, I would have left or parted with husband, I may have started drinking, I may have had enough. Something, help from you guys and some survival instinct inside me, makes me mindful that we get down days, I used to blot them out with booze, then have more down days, vicious circle. I read on sr 'don't make any life changing decisions at least until you are a year sober'. That is such a valuable lesson for me and though I've a few months before I'm a year sober I realise it makes such sense. I put booze in my system for a lot of years, getting worse the last two or so years, my body and mind must be all over the place, so I can on, learning, finding myself, mostly good days some great days and an odd down day. But, never a 'full of regrets', hungover, drunk and disorderly day, thank God xx That's got be worth it's weight in gold. |
I think who am i is one of those questions that cam have a simple one word answer such as , mecanix obviously … or it could use up all your vocabulary and still levee you feeling as though you've not described it .. I change all the time , when i think of the me who was 5 , i was only 4 ft tall and a few stone in weight … now I'm 6ft and 17 st .. so i am the same me but also someone entirely different .. I'm not sure words that are dead and are of fixed ideas can capture the essence of a living thing . To me it seems the thing to do is to cary on living life gloriously :) Take care asking yourself questions that might not have any answers , when the sun is shining and there are people you love in the world :) Bestwishes , m |
Originally Posted by Mags1
(Post 4569601)
Not sure who I am anymore. Inside I'm critical of my husband but realise, he hasn't changed, he has always been the same in all the years we've been married. When I first stopped drinking I wanted everything right, I had got that crutch thrown in the skip, I wanted everything else sorted. But it isn't. It's just the beginning, in a good way. I can deal with being sober now, but reading what brain and jus wrote yesterday 'figure out how to deal with life sober' and 'shaping my life around alcohol'. I lived the latter, thankfully not anymore and now I'm learning, very slowly to deal with life sober. I know that I don't know who I am anymore. Then I read about Rhonda, rip, who I never had the pleasure of meeting. The strength she had staying sober I know I would not have that strength at this time with any devastating news and realise my problems are but a small pebble to Rhonda's. If I hadn't been coming to sr I would have been a wreck, I would have left or parted with husband, I may have started drinking, I may have had enough. Something, help from you guys and some survival instinct inside me, makes me mindful that we get down days, I used to blot them out with booze, then have more down days, vicious circle. I read on sr 'don't make any life changing decisions at least until you are a year sober'. That is such a valuable lesson for me and though I've a few months before I'm a year sober I realise it makes such sense. I put booze in my system for a lot of years, getting worse the last two or so years, my body and mind must be all over the place, so I can on, learning, finding myself, mostly good days some great days and an odd down day. But, never a 'full of regrets', hungover, drunk and disorderly day, thank God xx That's got be worth it's weight in gold. |
You can be anything you choose to be mags. The world is full of opportunity once we put that bottle down and open our eyes to all the possibilities...:)x |
It's easier to find out who you are NOT, than who you are. Identify the labels and beliefs you associate with and realize that they are not who you are. |
Mecanix, very true I always over analyze x Matt, I am my biggest critic, so if I blame my husband, in my head, I blame me even more, as it's probably my fault, remembering what a drunk I was. Thanks Jeni, xx my mum always said exactly that also. Xx And Admiral. Yes, not thought of that , I will identify who I am not. Good point. Thanks for your comments guys, I know my underlying problem which has started these thoughts off and I'm going to be stressed out all weekend but I will get there, thanks again x |
Thank you for sharing that Mags. I found your post powerful and a real example of recovery in action :) I have no doubt that whatever decisions you have to make you'll make them well...and remember you're not alone here :) D |
I agree, one of the joys of sobriety is being able to make a choice about who we will be every day. Our personality doesn't come out a bottle anymore. |
Thanks Dee, yes strange isn't it how we think once we've stopped , that's it, everything is ticketeboo but for me, it's just the start, but so much better doing it sober. Thanks Myth, I agree, all my ideas were alcohol fired so I made a lot of choices I would not have made sober. I've learnt an awful lot these last few months. Thanks again for everyone at sr , being there, posting, I feel honoured to be part of such a great place. Xx |
other than not drinking, what are you doing to support your recovery? |
Good point sugarbear, I visit SR and learn from here. I haven't joined anything else. |
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