FreeOwl

Seems like a few times a day lately I'll have fleeting thoughts of drinking.

Not really 'cravings' so much as a thought here, a thought there.... my attention being pulled in the direction of the wine aisle. A friend mentioning the local brewery - triggering a feeling of jealousy or a pang of nostalgia.

I'm not feeling at-risk of drinking, but it's annoying and I'm not sure why this is arising now.

Been a long while since I got to a meeting, so that's on the agenda when I'm able. Spring Break parenting duties and work have gotten in the way of that. Anyway, just wanted to post something to get it out there and hopefully help.

Yesterday in the grocery store I had to play out a few particularly shameful moments from the Alcoholic Highlight Reel to remind myself where it winds up going for me. That little AV story of "just one.... surely you can just have one, maybe two... drink with the normals.... be one of the guys" was nagging away at me.

Leave the the **** alone, ya little jerk.

Dee74

I had thoughts for quite a while.
I just reasoned I'd drunk for a long time for every conceivable reason....impulses die hard.

thoughts are thoughts. Its what we do in response to those thoughts that counts


D

FreeOwl

yessir.... I agree. And so far, so good in my response.

I have made a choice that is working. I'm gonna honor that choice.... because I know from a LOT of experience that the choice to drink doesn't wind up working for me.

IOAA2

Hi. I was taught by the professionals that not drinking is my #1 priority, nothing else should take priority, period. If we drink all bets are off. Hard line but factual.

The reason we are affected by different feelings/emotions, and think of drinking are because we are alcoholics and that's a natural thing for us to do at times. Until I die I'm in recovery and after many years still need meetings even if I haven't wanted to drink for over 30 years. I've seen the destruction of too many who thought they had it together and drank after a period and lost everything.

BE WELL

GreenEggsAndHam

I'm not at 96 days yet but I figure I've been drinking for 28 years so it will take a lot longer to not want an occasional drink than three months.

I hope you can get to a meeting soon. Every day I tell myself that no matter what is on the schedule for the day, I need to put my sobriety first which includes a meeting. I was just sitting here fretting about spring break next week as the kids will be out of school and I'll need to adjust my schedule, but meetings will be #1 and everything else secondary (selfish as it sounds!).

You are doing great - keep going strong!

ForMeForThem

I've had the same experience FreeOwl. I'm at 157 days and I get those fleeting thoughts. Not really an urge or craving, just thoughts here and there. It annoys me too that they even pop in my head - I quickly snap out of it and think "Really?!? did I just think that?"

I think Dee's explanation is true. It's our response that matters and it sounds like you are doing great. Congrats on 96 days.

CAPTAINZING2000

Don't know where you live but, spring is here.
Make a list of projects you'd like to do this spring summer and fall and start doing them.
Idle time is the devils work shop. If you got time to think of alcohol your not staying busy enough

FreeOwl

yep, I agree... I get that.

And that's why I'm here, posting this while my kids watch TV and spending time reading some newcomer posts for experience, strength and hope.

If I feel really and truly on the edge - I would bring the kids to daycare or find another way to get to a meeting.

But - my pragmatic 'reality' is that sobriety is a priority but so is the limited time I have with my kids, so is keeping the job that keeps them fed and clothed and housed, so is staying on top of the bills and making some progress on the many things I let slide while drinking was a priority...

So it has to be in balance. I appreciate what you're saying and the reminder. I agree. I'm going to spend time asking for help today. I'm spending time seeking support here right now. I'm airing out the AV so he doesn't build up more power over me..... and tomorrow evening I'll be at a meeting when the kids are back at their mother's.

Ruby2

I was trying to post a bit about airing out the cobwebs but we have a storm and I temporarily lost internet. You beat me to the thought. I've had the same nagging thoughts lately too. It is spring so seasonal change seems to do that. I'm also doing the same kids, job, meetings juggling act. I go to three meetings that I consider set in stone and call or mostly text women in the program if I get that AV in my head. The liquor aisle at my grocery store is actually a liquor corner and is right next to the deli so I can't avoid it but I know I can walk past it if I'm prepared.