Taproot

Lucky Day 13 of no alcohol for me…moving into uncharted territory. I have no physical withdrawal symptoms, but there is a psychological battle between my ears.

The "addictive voice" is changing his argument. Last week he was present but using the soft sell, whispering to me about the good times, about how having just one or two drinks is entirely reasonable and normal, and how I deserve to relax and have a pleasant evening just like everybody else.

But I have remained alcohol-free, and the AV is apparently not happy about this. Over these last couple days the AV's pitch is more like, "Hey! How much longer are you going to do this? What are you trying to prove? What is the point of going through this, when you and I both know it just isn't worth it? Day after day it's the same thing with you! When am I going to get what *I* want?!"

I am still alcohol free, but I have to admit I am getting worn out. You people here at SR are very important to me. Instead of pounding beers and shots I am reading, typing and learning here. I am not a religious person, but almost image you all to be guided by angels. Thanks for helping me through this.

least

Good for you for not giving in to the demands of The Voice. Ignore it or talk back to it, either way, don't give in to it.

Lenina

so, the Beast is throwing a tantrum. it will do that. Treat it like you would a two year old toddler. remind it YOU are in command here, not it. Acknowlege and move on! good job!

love from Lenina

courage2

The idea that you are getting worn out is an idea put there by your AV. You are NOT getting worn out. If it were real, you'd find your AV was a tiny, nasty, weasely little turd, a dysfunctional, warped set of synapses, a patch of cells that only comes together for only lousy purpose which is to feed on alcohol.

YOU on the other hand are a whole, complex, intricate, fascinating & awesomely powerful human being. You're the one that walks, talks, thinks and acts.

The AV needs you. You don't need it. Step on it like a bug!

LadyBlue0527

Taproot, here's what you're not hearing though, and the AV doesn't want you to hear it.

It's saying "I'm going to lie to you and make you feel like this is completely impossible. I'm going to scream at you more because I know that you're doing so well. I HATE it when you're getting to the point where you're going to see that this CAN be done. This is because I'm going to lose you. Day by day I can feel my talons being retracted from your skin, my grip isn't quite as tight anymore so I'm just going to scream a little longer just to see how I can twist and spin things to keep you as mine".

You CAN get through this. I know, I know, I really really know how very hard this is right now. I promise you with all my heart that you will know that what I am saying above is true. Power through this as hard as it is right now, you've got great things coming! Addiction is a lie and it will fight to keep you in it's grip. It just takes a little time to see how very deceived and lied to you were.

You can WIN this

Taproot

Thanks for your comments, everybody. I think I am through the worst of the cravings and the AV's nagging for tonight. That AV can go to…jump in lake. I really hope that I maintain this sobriety, and that in the future I can look back at this time and know that it was tough but that is was also *so* worth it.

The only way out is through.

Ruby2

The AV is like my kids in the backseat. They think that if they cry and whine and ask me a thousand times for something that my staunch continual "no" will magically turn to yes just once. After my ears are worn out and I'm clutching the steering wheel with all my might. What works with the kids and my AV is to find a distraction. Sidetrack them both - create a diversion.

courage2

Ruby2 is correct. The AV is incredibly stupid. Dangle something shiny and sparkly (or chocolately) in front of it and it totally forgets about you for a while. It has no longterm memory. That of course is also why it never ever will learn that "no" means "no".

MariahGayle

Glad your here Taproot - thanks for posting that....I will do the same when it starts in on me, which I know it will Hang Tight!

Marcher13

Taproot I'm at 13 months, sometimes several days go by before I hear a word from AV but hear from him I do. In the early days AV was usually a monster or a whiny child, these days he tries to be wily.

Yesterday AV showed up telling me I deserved a drink because I had dealt with a non-co-operative telephone company for one hour and twenty minutes. I knew full well that the first would lead to another which would lead to --- you get my drift. Long story short: AV was telling me that I deserved a massive hangover, that's when I started laughing.

Jade1224

Taproot,

Thanks for this post. It helped me see that I am not alone.

My AV whispers to me in the first few days and then gets very loud and throws a fit.

It has won too many times in the past.

I am also searching for ways to calm the voice.

Congrats on 15 days!

DancingDiva

Thanks for sharing, taproot! Isn't it wild how the AV can change tactics like that? I love that you recognize it right off, that's awesome! You should tell it "I AM getting what *I* want, dumbass! I want to be sober!"

You don't have to say "dumbass," lol! Just a recommendation

savarna

The longer you fight that av the smaller and weaker it gets till you are somstrong nothing will make u want to pick a drink up stay strong

Dee74

Try not engaging it at all Taproot - I know its hard but a little 'talk to the hand' attitude can really take the edge off the relentless weariness

I may have mentioned it but I found urge surfing to be a great help in dismissing those thoughts and mental cravings:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html

D

DoubleBarrel

The voice gets weaker and weaker, until it's laughable. Keep at it.

Nonsensical

Mine will purr, hiss, beg, whine, negotiate, threaten, entertain, insult, coerce, flatter, bargain - whatever. It has no morals, therefore it knows no rules.

It cannot be taught to play nicely with others.

It must be starved.

LadyBlue0527

What an excellent analogy!

FreeOwl

as a single father to a couple of little girls I am LOVING these tantrum, whining, persistent children analogies.

Dead on.

lol

Taproot

Thanks All for your comments! Dee, thanks for passing along that link to the "urge surfing" write-up. I am not much of a Zen guy, and I am no surfer, but I have gone bogie-boarding in Hawaii a couple times, and I recognize to some degree what the author means about trying to read waves, and choosing which waves to ride and knowing which ones are better to let pass by…and understanding and accepting the consequences of your choices.

Today I have been too tired to fight the AV. Good news is that I am still alcohol-free. This afternoon when the AV began his sales pitch, I kind of snapped and reacted with, "Look, I'm busy and I'm tired, and I'm not in the mood for any hangovers tomorrow, so why don't you save us both a lot of hassle and just skip it with all the nagging today, okay?" And interestingly, the AV hasn't bugged me since. I'm still fairly busy and tired, though...

Every day I learn a tiny bit more about myself and how to live beyond alcohol. In a little under four hours I will be exactly two weeks alcohol free…an entire fortnight (here in the US we don't use that word much, so we've got to take advantage of the situation when we can). Thanks again, everyone!

Hope4Life

You have the right attitude TapRoot! Just keep it up and as others have said the frequency and volume of your AV will decrease over time.
You cannot EVER let your guard down completely though as he will know when that happens and come back to haunt you!

Keep Rockin' it and CONGRATULATIONS on 2 weeks!