LadyinBC

I'm going to be blunt and say yes it is your ego talking. Many of us alcoholics have one. I myself have one. When I was drinking everything was always about me. When I quit drinking everything was still all about me.

It took me months and months of working on myself to realize that gee maybe it isn't all about me all of the time!

People here can support you, however, at the end of the day you are the one that has to do the work. It doesn't matter if you get 30 responses or 100 responses, things will not change until you change them. 100 responses is not going to keep you sober anymore than 2 would. It is up to you to keep yourself sober.

I saw in the previous thread that you have gone to AA before. If you don't get a good vibe from that meeting try another one. However you do need to open up to these people if you want them to help you. Find an old timer a lot of them are a wealth of information. Keep trying until you find someone that will hear you.

I truly understand how hard it is to quit. To quit drinking is one thing, to stay sober is definitely something else.

CAPTAINZING2000

I use S.R to supplement my AA

Have you gave thought to other methods of recovery as well?

DoubleBarrel

If someone announces that they are drinking again, I have very little to say. No one was ever able to logically or emotionally convince me to quit, I had to be ready to stop on my own.

When you are ready to stop, we are here to offer support, guidance and advice. Otherwise, I simply have very little in the way of useful critique to offer someone who is still using.

Glad to see that you made it back here. Realize that you are lucky based on that alone. We do care, and you'll not find a group of people anywhere with a greater understanding of what a horrible illness and condition you are facing.

Thepatman

Don't take it personally. A while back I had posted something and waited and waited for someone to say something. Ended up with 2 response or something.

I did similar than you and blamed it for my being French. LOL!

Looking back I realize I was expecting that someone would say something magic to get rid of my pain. If you are in a deep place like I was, open up to someone you trust, verbal face to face can be what you need like I did.

I ended up crying on the phone to my brother, I thought he would judge me, I was wrong. He was a big help, and a great kick in the ass he gave me. Told me that it's not how you fall that counts, it's how you get your sorry ass back up that does. He picked my "good" ego I call it. He said "our family" name means we never give up no matter what.

We are orphans of our father since I was 5, so I got what he meant. Either fight or die. Been pushing forward since, yes put a knee down a few times, but always remembered what he told me.

This is long, but sounds like you need the support. Get up. imagine if Rocky stayed down on the mat first time he fell. A boring movie that would be?

Trying to give you a laugh or a smile at least, this is not the end for you, my new Rocky friend!

PurpleKnight

No one likes the French!!

Seriously though Pat hit the nail on the head, SR might not always provide in terms of responses, reasons being time of the day, how many are online, people may not feel they can contribute or say something that would help.

If the support doesn't materialise online then we need back up options!!

Raider

I understand. But I took that time to wallow around myself. I have lurked the past few days, but it haven't felt like I had any relevant comments.

jdooner

Quality vs. quantity for everything in life.

Why limit yourself to only SR? Given you relapsed perhaps this is a sign that you need more support than just virtual?

Perhaps this is a wake-up.

Notmyrealname

Do people actually check back in threads to see how many responses they got? Hmm might need to rethink my approach .. Usually I just post and go.. As long as I don't have angry private messages in my Inbox I figure I'm doing it right.

I think if you start a thread and people have a response, great, and if they just read the post and think about it then that's great, too. Maybe someone else gets something out of it that is really important for them or it pulls them out of a rut or a funk, and that makes it really worthwhile (although you might never find out).

At my twenty-year highschool reunion, a guy I ran distance with in highschool told me that an offhand comment I had made during a race really inspired him, and he had thought about that statement in his darkest hours for all the years since then, and it really helped him out. So you never know what people are going to take away from what you share.

Cheydinhal

As long as you rely on others to make or break your mood, your life is not your own. Focus only on yourself and don't put your life and emotions in the hands of everyone else around you.

bigsombrero

2much, there are a lot of folks here that seem to care quite a bit about you, I think you've seen that from the responses. But the bottom line is that you made it just over a month without a drink and then went back. Unfortunately, that's pretty common no matter what recovery circle you are in.

It's so common in fact, that many of us in the recovery game have developed pretty a pretty thick skin. You can't emotionally invest in every single person's cause here, because it would be heartbreaking. There's no time for mourning the dead in this battle.

Relapsing doesn't deserve a ceremony. Instead of focusing on that, we'd prefer to hear about your new plans and goals. I don't want to re-live the play by play of your relapse. I want to use your relapse as armor against the same thing happening to me. And I want to help get you back on the right track, and I'm sure others feel the same. Welcome back.

Leshar

Well said, bigsombrero!

2 much, I think what others have said along this theme too makes a lot of sense.
Good luck to you as you move forward.

2muchpain

I think I was just looking for a hug. I know that I have to do this on my own, but a little reassurance would be nice. I have never relied on anyone to help me with any problem I have and don't expect it now. Posting this was a mistake. I really mean that, but I really appreciate all the responses. Quitting drinking is a personal thing and a personal struggle, not a group effort.

jaynie04

I have started threads looking for support in the past and received it. I had a different response than 2much. I actually felt guilty and uncomfortable that people took time out of their day to respond, be it one person or ten.

So I guess 2much we both have stuff to work on. We are both responding to the similar circumstances in very different ways. The cool thing is recognizing it, and realizing that it is 100% ours to own, and to steer towards whatever resolution will help us center.

EndGameNYC

Therein lies the problem. Recovery is nothing if not about making meaningful changes in our behavior and in our thinking.

You came for support, for a "hug," and then you insist that this process is an individual one without expectations for help from other people.

It seems to me that you've been largely dismissive of much of the considerable support you've gotten here. Maybe even irritated.

I think that most people who've been through this process would not recommend going it alone.

Your defenses are formidable, but you only need to open the door a little bit.

GracieLou

You are getting it but that is not what you really want.

Has it ever occurred to you that might be the problem? I never relied on anyone either. When I finally broke I had to or fall even farther. I reached out to get help.

Do you know how to live sober? Cause I sure didn’t and I needed help and I got news for you, the only way to get it is to, rely on other people that do know how. Simple. That’s it, that is all you have to to. Take their suggestions and do them. Now if you don’t and still want to walk around crying that no one is giving you your hug then so be it.

Bull$hit, do you think we all got sober alone? Do you think we all sat home alone and said welp, gonna stop drinking today and then we just did?

No, we have reached out and found a recovery system that works for us, whether that is AA, SMART, Rational recovery, religion, holding our breath, standing on our heads, doing a million jumping jacks or posting that we need help on this message board, WHATEVER, we do something and that means we had to reach out for help from someone that knows just a tad more then we did.

And by reaching out I mean. ”Please tell me what to do” Not “I am not doing anything but can I get some reassurance”. Assure you of what, that you will be in the same place tomorrow as you are today if you do nothing different?

Here is your reassurance.....Nothing changes, if nothing changes.

Tiptree

Well 2MP you may not have gotten quantity but you sure got quality on this thread, maybe more than you bargained for there is a lot of hard won wisdom here and sometimes we don't want to hear it, but when we get over the initial anger, drop our ego and get truthful with ourselves, then change and growth is possible. Hope you put down the drink and get back to work.

bobquin

Then why, frankly, are you complaining so bitterly that this GROUP didn't respond with the words/actions you were specifically seeking?

The whole point--and the power therein--of this community is that it offers an understanding, compassionate and helpful GROUP of people who are all working towards the same goal.

littlefish

The word expected is almost never used in my sober vocabulary! What, after all, are expectations? Think about it.....

Thepatman

Yes quitting is personal... But support comes better with groups. Why?

Because you get different point of views. Hopefully one point of view will catch your attention!

Goldcoastgirl

Sending you a hug through cyberspace. Maybe you have touched a few nerves here but that doesn't mean you don't deserve a hug!