Do some alcoholics accept they cant go to parties where a lot of drinking happens
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
I am okay in bars. I try not to attend unless there is a valid reason. I was in Jackson Hole a couple months ago and after skiing everybody grabbed some food and drinks at the Mangey Moose at the bottom of the mountain. I was fine with my cranberry and seltzer having some hummus and listening to some live music. That said, I would not go clubbing in NYC, as I have no purpose at the clubs - I am married and don't drink or use drugs anymore.
I have found that drinkfest parties tend to be boring. I find they become drinkfests because they lack other stimulation. I would prefer a party of people I can carry on a conversation vs. people getting hammered and making fools out of themselves. To me this is now boring. I guess part of this is growing up too.
I have found that drinkfest parties tend to be boring. I find they become drinkfests because they lack other stimulation. I would prefer a party of people I can carry on a conversation vs. people getting hammered and making fools out of themselves. To me this is now boring. I guess part of this is growing up too.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Dubai
Posts: 99
I'm having trouble accepting this still. I have been to bars two/three times in the almost 3 weeks I have been sober. I haven't gone to a bar just for the sake of it, I went to two separate leaving dos and on a date. I don't find it too difficult, as I'm deliberately going to places and situations where I know I won't be pressured to drink.
I'm supposed to go to a beach bar this friday, and I'm really pleased because one of the other girls going who I have become friendly with recently doesn't drink and she is great fun, so I'm going to stick with her. Going to go to an AA meeting before I go out so that hopefully I will feel strong!
I can't accept for the moment not being able to go to bars and parties. I am trying to add in a lot more alternative stuff like exercise, going to the mall, beach and pool days etc but at the end of the day, that's where my friends are going to be and I can cut it down by a lot but I can't avoid it altogether. If you stop going to these events altogether, eventually your friends stop inviting you, and I don't want that to happen.
I want them to think of me as they did before, just sober.
I'm supposed to go to a beach bar this friday, and I'm really pleased because one of the other girls going who I have become friendly with recently doesn't drink and she is great fun, so I'm going to stick with her. Going to go to an AA meeting before I go out so that hopefully I will feel strong!
I can't accept for the moment not being able to go to bars and parties. I am trying to add in a lot more alternative stuff like exercise, going to the mall, beach and pool days etc but at the end of the day, that's where my friends are going to be and I can cut it down by a lot but I can't avoid it altogether. If you stop going to these events altogether, eventually your friends stop inviting you, and I don't want that to happen.
I want them to think of me as they did before, just sober.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,474
Socially Pacing Myself
I'm 7 weeks into this permanent Lifestyle change tomorrow. So far, I'm fine with Bars if we're there primarily for a Meal. Otherwise, the issue is not temptation, but boredom I don't do well at disguising. For me, the proverbial 'Light Switch' to drink just turned off late in Life. I'll take it.
Small Dinners are OK, but can be taxing. A very few Friends still overdue drinking/smoking Pot. So, we're negotiating around these situations as a new, necessary Marriage strategy. My latest thinking is that I'll pace myself to continue to hang around some Binge Drinkers, and reduce or terminate socializing with some others. Or, change to Lunch outings. Whatever. Then, I'm not always feeling trapped, and I know that other, more-enjoyable sober Dinners lay ahead. For my Personality, such give-and-take is critical. I had a brief period of resentment about not drinking. But, that's given way to simply being pissed at being stuck around Drunks IF I'm stuck for 'too' long. Lawdy, just stick the Bamboo Shoots under my Fingernails, and let's be done with it already.
'Not getting' this whole Sobriety move, my Wife still wants to attend Dinners at local Wineries; necessarily excluding me. Quite naively, early on, she stated how she saw 'some Folks there not drinking' as though it's all as simple as just turning over one's Wine Glass while sitting there bored to tears [me]. She's come a ways since that proclamation, but can still empty a Bottle of Wine herself at home some nights. So long as that's occasional, and there's not heat to join Hard Drinking Couple 'x' at a Bar [there has been such heat], I can roll with it. I'm the one with the problematic Genetics, and she's making laudatory progress to scale back her Codie Drinking levels of old. I firmly reminded her twice that she's asked me to cut back on the drinking, and I think we're done with that topic. So long as it's rare, tone-of-voice works wonders. I'm too busy changing me to also change her.
Due to Health or other reasons, our older Demographic typically has some non-Drinkers at any gathering. This makes things easier. The wise opinions here at SR convince me things get easier over time; eventually becoming non-issues. Sobriety is no epic struggle for me right now. I used to hit it so hard, with astonishing tolerance, there's no 'waffling' in my decision to improve. Simply put, I was ready.
Small Dinners are OK, but can be taxing. A very few Friends still overdue drinking/smoking Pot. So, we're negotiating around these situations as a new, necessary Marriage strategy. My latest thinking is that I'll pace myself to continue to hang around some Binge Drinkers, and reduce or terminate socializing with some others. Or, change to Lunch outings. Whatever. Then, I'm not always feeling trapped, and I know that other, more-enjoyable sober Dinners lay ahead. For my Personality, such give-and-take is critical. I had a brief period of resentment about not drinking. But, that's given way to simply being pissed at being stuck around Drunks IF I'm stuck for 'too' long. Lawdy, just stick the Bamboo Shoots under my Fingernails, and let's be done with it already.
'Not getting' this whole Sobriety move, my Wife still wants to attend Dinners at local Wineries; necessarily excluding me. Quite naively, early on, she stated how she saw 'some Folks there not drinking' as though it's all as simple as just turning over one's Wine Glass while sitting there bored to tears [me]. She's come a ways since that proclamation, but can still empty a Bottle of Wine herself at home some nights. So long as that's occasional, and there's not heat to join Hard Drinking Couple 'x' at a Bar [there has been such heat], I can roll with it. I'm the one with the problematic Genetics, and she's making laudatory progress to scale back her Codie Drinking levels of old. I firmly reminded her twice that she's asked me to cut back on the drinking, and I think we're done with that topic. So long as it's rare, tone-of-voice works wonders. I'm too busy changing me to also change her.
Due to Health or other reasons, our older Demographic typically has some non-Drinkers at any gathering. This makes things easier. The wise opinions here at SR convince me things get easier over time; eventually becoming non-issues. Sobriety is no epic struggle for me right now. I used to hit it so hard, with astonishing tolerance, there's no 'waffling' in my decision to improve. Simply put, I was ready.
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