Today Begins A New Day! - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Go Back   SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information >
Register Blogs FAQ Members List Calendar Arcade Mark Forums Read





Reply
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 04-01-2014, 08:00 AM   #1 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 6
Exclamation

Today Begins A New Day!


Hi everyone.

I've been following this forum for probably a year or so but I've never actually posted anything. I've just read stories, rather they were success, semi-failure, whatever. Today is the day that I become part of this family.

My hands are shaking and my eyes are watering up just getting the courage to post this. I am at rock bottom right now. I've lost almost [everything] to this addiction; most importantly my self. And right after that, the love of my life. Though I am confident I will have her back one day.

For the passed 3 1/2 years I've been lying to myself. I've been telling myself that I don't have an addiction, I'm ok, etc.. While the people around me have noticed me turning into this "cold" and "one track minded" person. Especially my fiancÚ, who now wants me to work on myself before we are ever back together. Which is fair. Because my addiction is not fair to her, our family, nothing.

I have a torn miniscus in my right knee and that's when it started. I never went in asking for the pills; I was just given them. The prescriptions flowed like wine. After awhile I noticed it started to feel better and better. So, hey, one more or two more a day couldn't hurt. Then in later 2012 I was hit by a bus in my car that displaced discs in my spine. So, more prescriptions, more prescriptions. It has gotten to the point that I take so many, even though I am somewhat clear headed, my body barely comes down from the high. And when it did, I popped another pill. I'd take a handful everywhere; even when I didn't [need] them.

When I was being seen for me knee it was 40, 10mG norco's. Started off fine, then would end up running out in 20 days, then 15, then 10. Bus accident happens and it's 7.5mG norco's, but 120. Started out 20 days, then 15, now I can run through that many in 7-8 days.

Today, I flushed them all down the toilet. At 11:50AM (2 hours away) I am going to my personal doctor to break down, admit what's going on, and get help! I am SICK AND TIRED of being SICK AND TIRED. When my breakfast, lunch, and dinner come in pill form, there's a problem. A big problem. I have wasted so much time, energy, and thousands of dollars on my fixes between prescriptions that it's absurd.

And in being honest with myself; yeah my injuries are bad. But it's not something Tylenol or Aleve can't fix. A very close friend of mine who gave me some tough love yesterday told me that her and her husband (a military veteran) know people who are amputees who don't swallow as much medicine as I do. I've known her for almost a decade and she's one of the people that mentioned what a drastically different person I became.

I am 29-years-old and I do not want this life anymore. I want nothing to do with it. I've lost everything now, so that only means I have everything to gain back. Which has got to be my ray of hope. My sunshine in this darkest of times.

Thank you everyone for taking the time out to read this. TODAY starts a whole new me. And I am really glad I finally decided to sign up here!
holdsteadfast is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to holdsteadfast For This Useful Post:
Goldcoastgirl (04-07-2014), GreenEggsAndHam (04-01-2014), Hevyn (04-01-2014), Holli (04-01-2014), idledreamer (04-01-2014), KateL (04-01-2014), not2late (04-07-2014), RevivingOphelia (04-01-2014), SineadOConnor (04-01-2014)
Old 04-01-2014, 08:05 AM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
SineadOConnor's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 282
Keep coming back. Addiction is cunning baffling and powerful isn't it? I'm starting anew AGAIN too.
SineadOConnor is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-01-2014, 08:40 AM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 6
Let's do it! Time to send these monsters back to hell.
holdsteadfast is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-01-2014, 08:43 AM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 6
There is much more to my story, but I will post it all later. I just wanted to sort of start out with some fine line details.
holdsteadfast is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-01-2014, 08:52 AM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: london
Posts: 377
Hi hold steadfast, welcome and congratulations on taking the first step. I too have been looking at this site for a few years, before I finally plucked up the courage to join yesterday. you are not alone and you can do this. Good luck at the doctors, and just be honest.
Chasingthedream is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Chasingthedream For This Useful Post:
holdsteadfast (04-01-2014)
Old 04-01-2014, 09:52 AM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 6
I am now here at my doctors. He takes a long time [hes a talker, lol], but I am going to lay it all on the line. The only way I can beat this is if I'm honest. ONE lie is one step closer to going back to addiction. And I am not willing to do that.
holdsteadfast is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-01-2014, 11:10 AM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 
PurpleKnight's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,823
Welcome to the posting side of things!!
PurpleKnight is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-01-2014, 11:31 AM   #8 (permalink)
Member
 
Holli's Avatar
 

Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 373
Blog Entries: 6
That's great that you are being honest with your doc. Happy Day 1!
__________________
Day 1: 4/19/14
Holli is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-01-2014, 03:35 PM   #9 (permalink)
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 177,625
Blog Entries: 1
Welcome holdsteadfast

I'm glad you're seeing your Dr - let us know how it goes

D
__________________
Dee74 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-01-2014, 03:45 PM   #10 (permalink)
Learning to live again
 
Hevyn's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: New York - Catskill Mtns.
Posts: 38,292
Glad to meet you holdsteadfast. You sound motivated and ready to do this. It helps to be among friends who understand - we are with you.
__________________
You are so much more than the worst thing you've ever done. Fr. Greg Boyle

A little voice deep inside me said, "Hello, I am here." It was a small voice, & sounded as if it were buried underneath the cushions of my couch. It was my soul...I had forgotten it.

Hevyn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-02-2014, 02:30 AM   #11 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: london
Posts: 377
Goood morning hold steadfast, I hope the visit at the drs went well, and that you're having a good day.
Chasingthedream is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-07-2014, 07:44 AM   #12 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 6
Hey everyone! Sorry I posted and "ran" of sort. But, after consulting with my doctor that day, originally he wanted to just put me on medication and taper me off. But, with myself being more motivated than ever at that point, and still now, I decided, along with his help to enter rehab.

I entered rehab and wow, it would take me all day or a verbal conversation to describe everything I went through via detox and rehab.

At about 11PM tonight I will be 8 days sober! And I realize that I am sick every day of my life and the moment I say, "I'm better" --- that's when my guard goes down and I become open to the possibility of going back. Which is something I have no interest in.

Have a great day everyone! I'll keep you all updated as I progress.

Like I wrote the first day in rehab on a huge erase board (I'm an artist, so naturally markers and a white board I drew to like a fly, lol)...

WE CAN
FIGHT TO WIN
NO MORE OF THIS!
holdsteadfast is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to holdsteadfast For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (04-07-2014), Goldcoastgirl (04-07-2014), Hevyn (04-07-2014)
Old 04-07-2014, 02:59 PM   #13 (permalink)
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 177,625
Blog Entries: 1
Glad to hear from you again holdsteadfast - 8 days is great

D
__________________
Dee74 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-07-2014, 03:14 PM   #14 (permalink)
Learning to live again
 
Hevyn's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: New York - Catskill Mtns.
Posts: 38,292
I'm glad you let us know the good news. That's wonderful progress. Keep it up.
__________________
You are so much more than the worst thing you've ever done. Fr. Greg Boyle

A little voice deep inside me said, "Hello, I am here." It was a small voice, & sounded as if it were buried underneath the cushions of my couch. It was my soul...I had forgotten it.

Hevyn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-07-2014, 03:49 PM   #15 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 6
Thanks everyone! I'm looking into getting a sponsor now and will be looking into getting into weekly meetings ASAP! So, I'll let you all know that progress as well. Eight days strong!
holdsteadfast is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to holdsteadfast For This Useful Post:
Goldcoastgirl (04-07-2014)
Old 04-07-2014, 04:04 PM   #16 (permalink)
Member
 
not2late's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: USA Virginia
Posts: 294
Good stuff holdsteadfast. You have been very strong. Keep up the good work.
not2late is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-07-2014, 04:21 PM   #17 (permalink)
Member
 
Goldcoastgirl's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 643
Fantastic hold steadfast. What a brave move you took and it is paying off. Wishing you nothing but success, good health and some peace in your life. Keep posting!
__________________
"You are not broken and in need of fixing, you are wounded and in need of healing"
Goldcoastgirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
no more , recovery , sick & tired , sober


Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:47 AM.