toddle118

I am asking my knowlegeable friends on here, how do you deal with destructive emotions such as anger? Im really struggling today, I have allowed someone to annoy me and the usual crutch of drink has gone...am climbing the walls!!

Dee74

I exercise or play music loudly - sometimes both

the important thing to realise is...anger passes, and it's ok

D

toddle118

Music is a trigger for me or I would! I dont know, these sort of things really are sent to test us arent they

Nonsensical

I build stuff.

toddle118

LOL, I dont think me carrying a hammer would be a good idea at this moment in time!!!

Ruby2

I take a deep breath. I leave the room for a bit if the person is in the same room as me. And take a deep breath again. I look at why I am angry. Did I have any part of it? Especially if I reacted and escalated the situation. Is there anything I can do to change the situation? If I can't change it I have to accept it and go through it. When I am angry with a person there are usually factors to which I've contributed. If I am angry with a situation there is usually fear underlying my anger. Or just plain petty annoyance that has escalated.

None of this is easy but with practice it gets better in time. I've been through bouts of uncontrollable rage lately and all of the above have helped me at one point or another. I understand how you feel. Suddenly really raw emotions sneak in and you have to deal with them sober. Hang in there. It can be done. And take a deep. Breath. The serenity prayer helps me too. Especially with annoying situations.

CAPTAINZING2000

Anger is a normal human emotion.

What happens when you get really angry? What do you normally do?

Are you a spiritual person? You can try walking away from the situation say a prayer.
Walk away count to ten if you don't believe in prayer.

Johnston

I try not to call it anger anymore. I call it stress, which triggers a fight or flight response from me. Flight is usually the best option, as I won't have nearly as much to answer for later. After I've cooled off a bit, I try to put some perspective on the situation and take a course of action to either fix it or let it go.

FreeOwl

anger is a secondary response emotion....

underlying anger there is always pain, fear, grief....

what can you do to understand the root of your anger?

Dee74

sorry didn't know

Exercise is good as I said, and video games - meditation is good too if you can get into it - there's any number of free guided meditations on the web to start you off

D

KateL

I go and get my hair done - seriously xxxx

GreenEggsAndHam

My sponsor helped me with this. She has me ask myself who/what/why I'm mad. Then, is it something I can change or not change? Then, the serenity prayer generally works the rest out. Anger only becomes wasted negative energy that eats us up alive, and something I have to work on regularly because I have a lot of it!

Hawkeye13

Go out in nature and run--if nobody is around I might yell and scream and cry.

I come back physically tired and anger just drained out of me--it often puts
me in touch with the grief, fear, or shame which underlies anger for me.

toddle118

Thanks guys, I suppose youre all right, a lot of it stems from her flippant view of me as a loser, just 'a drunk'...disposable human waste. She is my bfs ex and she has always caused problems for us. Yes I have fallen off the wagon and shes heard about it. Now she views me as a threat to her children she has with him (I cant have kids, she likes to rub that in all the time too). So it is a mixture of hate, anger, pain and the recognition she has something I cant have, and doesnt she know it! Thank you for your kind replies x

toddle118

I mean have fallen off the wagon in the past, not currently, day 24 sober, and I will not let her get to me! I have a terrible temper and in the past would be drunk by now, thats would she would want and I wont do it! No sireeee

Pipefish

I dig the garden if I'm home, or walk...or stomp like the wind is behind me...depending on the level of anger. Any physical activity is good, and the act of taking a pause of any kind, generally does the trick in being able to acknowledge and respond to feeling angry, rather than react. As I'm very quick to anger, and slow to let it go, I walk an awful lot Garden's well dug too!!

Taking time out definitely helps, and as suggested above, the serenity prayer is invaluable

resolute50

Talk about it here on SR.

AuntieSoso

I also really struggle with anger. Mostly I bitch and moan to my husband, who is a very good listener. Doing some sort of physical labor helps, or on the opposite spectrum prayer/meditation.

I agree that it is important to find the root of the anger and really think about what (if any) role you play, if it is something within your control to change, how you might handle future situations differently, and how you can be productive and use your anger to heal yourself, not lash out at others.

SoberLeigh

I do what GreenEggs does only I write the "who/what/why" down and then try to break down to determine iff any of it is valid or relevant. (Seems as though you might be able to start and stop at "who"; she is simply trying to get to you). Proving her wrong, over time and by your actions, will eventually bring you peace on the matter.